Why would my boyfriend say “don’t get any ideas” about a wedding I’m attending?

[Anonymous]

When we first started dating he said he knows he’ll get married in the future. But right now I understand it’s too early but having ideas doesn’t mean now surely…just for the future…he made that comment and then put his hand on my stomach and said “unless this” meaning I fall pregnant by accident. Why would he only want to get married if I get pregnant but not otherwise? That doesn’t seem like it’s for the right reasons to me, but he’s catholic so maybe that’s why it makes sense to him if he’s prioritising religion first.

[hahahmm]

Because he's not ready to get married. You'd already have a ring if he was ready. It's not complicated.

A guy could say, "I know I want to get married one day" and then date for 15-20 years. From my POV it's more about the way the women he runs into behave too. If you don't act like the kind of wife material he thinks is worth marrying then you don't get a ring.

[hahahmm]

And given how easy it is for a woman to divorce a guy and take 60% of his stuff, plus alimony, child support & child custody, you have to be real A+ upper 1% of women from his pov, plus sign a pre-nup for him to really be serious about marriage in today's world.

[Asker]

Well it’s still early days yet, haven’t been dating that long. He thinks I’m the best he can get for him though apparently. And if I’m honest I do think he’s punching a bit.

[Asker]

Also why say get married if pregnant, what would be the benefit for him there?

[hahahmm]

You say you think he's "punching a bit" -- this is not a good way to think of the guy. If you really think you're better why are you even with him? "what would be the benefit for him there?" -- You already know there's traditions going back eons where a man provides for and takes care of HIS kid and that a kid should have a mom & a dad who are together. This is how it worked for most of history. It's a traditional thing & so is marriage. People seldom got married for "love" in the past. It was a business deal and then they maybe grew to love each other over time. But, I'm sure you already know this.

[In_Trance]

Because he doesn't want you to get any ideas about a wedding you're attending

[Ghen28]

Because that's how women are. We start envisioning what our weddings will be like.

[AI Opinion]

Sounds like you've got a bit of a puzzle on your hands! It's like trying to read a mystery novel without the last page. The whole "don't get any ideas" could be his playful way of teasing you about not rushing into marriage thoughts just because wedding bells are ringing nearby. Yet, the plot thickens with the hand-on-the-stomach move, right? Classic romance twist!

It's possible he's showing you a snippet of his internal script, one where marriage is tied to responsibility, perhaps amplified by his Catholic background where family and tradition play strong roles. This doesn't necessarily scream red flag, but it's a golden ticket to a deep-dive conversation about what you both envision for your future together.

Peeling back the layers on why he sees marriage as a 'response' rather than a 'desire' could lead to some real talk. It's about syncing your love languages and finding a mutual pace for your relationship. Time for a cozy chat over a cup of something warm, where you can explore your dreams, fears, and everything in between. Love is all about understanding each other's views from the heart. 💑

[normalice]

Probably just trying to tease you.

[Asker]

Good to know. Hopefully it’s not him backing out of that for the future.

[normalice]

It is almost tradition for men to behave as though they don't want to get married until they do. It's better to find some passive way to be in the joke than to take it personally..

[Asker]

Noted. Any suggestions…I just said don’t worry I’m not 😆

[normalice]

I think that was probably enough. There is of course the chance that he won't want to get married as well, and it's best not to push him in that direction, either. Perhaps feigning ignorance of the whole topic is the best course of action.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s kinda what I’ve been doing. He said from the start he knows he’ll get married though. But I keep saying things are early days yet.

[Asker]

I do like the thought of having the option one day though.

[normalice]

Well, I think you have nothing to be anxious about based on this specific interaction.

[Asker]

Thank you