My ex still texts my mom and he’s engaged?

[Anonymous]

Background: my ex lived at my house for about 6 months, while I was in college (lived w my parents and brother). however i decided to end things. before he left he decided to tell my father that i said “i hated him” and i “hated” coming home and didn’t like any of them… which i never said. the only thing i said was i don’t like the negativity at home when i do go home because it’s always like i’m doing something wrong or not good enough. fast forward. i break up with him, a month later he’s with someone new and i’m talking to someone. he thanked me for ending us. now continuing on (i found out what he told my family and LOST all respect. my sister hates him etc.) now he still texts my mom. he texts her how he got a new vehicle, asking how she is doing and the family is doing etc. on facebook messenger. However he unfollowed every single one of my family members and blocked me on social (i originally unadded him). back when i ended things he told me he’d hang out w girls behind my back and got a porn addiction again. but anyways, fast forwarding it to now. I told my mother i’m not okay with him texting her or her texting him. she first tried telling me that she is waiting to ask him how i am doing… however yesterday he got ENGAGED. and did not tell my mother that. i found out from a close friend because she showed me a photo. i still continued to tell her that i’m not okay w it and tried to justify it by saying that she follows ex’s on social media… however my ex messaged her after she posted my boyfriend and i asked if she was mad at him? and he wasn't following her facebook anymore… Overall, the advice i’m looking for or clarity i guess is WHY is my ex texting my mom. why is she okay w it when HE smeared MY FATHERS NAME. Does this make sense to anyone?

[kylee2437]

I’m not quite sure why it bothers you so much. In some relationships, I liked the parents better than the actual person and because of that, one of my exes parents welcomed me to their home still even though we weren’t dating anymore. I had a better relationship with the parents. I don’t think breaking up necessarily entails needing to cut all contact off. You have a right to still have feelings for your ex, but I don’t see the big issue.

[Asker]

i don’t have feelings for my ex. he got w another girl, moved into her house like he did mine except two months into their relationship and 4 months later now engaged. he spread lies to my family, painted me as if i hated them to fuck w my fathers head. so i guess i lost all respect for him in that way. my mom complains about his actions and how they are gross. he unfollowed them all off social media but still uses facebook messenger to text my mom. he doesn’t even text my other family members. I guess i find it weird and i lost all my respect for him. i am w someone new who’s more mature than him, and my mom says she likes him more etc. but then still brings up my ex all the time. even tho he almost ruined my connection to my family lol. that may be why it bothers me

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh gurl, that is so messy and annoying! I totally get why you're upset. A few thoughts:

- That boy is shady AF. Smearing you to your fam, probably trying to look like the victim. Red flag city.

- Texting your mom is weird jealousy bullshit. He wants to seem "friendly" even tho he blocked everyone else. Ugh.

- Tell your mom clearly you don't trust him after what he said. She needs to respect your boundaries for your wellbeing.

- Maybe she likes the attention? Older ladies sometimes get baited by flirty young dudes. Gross.

- If she won't stop communicating with him, you gotta distance yourself to protect your mental health. She can make her own mistakes.

- Block his ass everywhere too so you don't have to see his fake "happy" updates. Ugh the audacity being engaged already!

Chin up girl, you dodged a bullet. Stay strong setting your limits. And you’ve totally upgraded - your new beau sounds like a real one. Leave Shady McShaderson in the dust!