My boyfriend’s friends don’t like me. Can I still have a healthy relationship despite this?

[Anonymous]

Hello everyone. I’ll give some context. I’ve met these friends (a couple in their early 30s) a few times and they were really nice to me and I tried to make the best impression (being kind, helping with their baby, going to the mall with them). The only thing I could think that I did bad was being quiet because I’m very shy but they seemed fine with that. He once told me they thought we were incompatible because he has a job and future but apparently I don’t have a future because I didn’t have a job (although I just got one yesterday woohoo!). Tonight, my boyfriend told me he wanted to go to Hooters with them because he wanted a wings deal I guess. Which I was uncomfortable with but he said he’d go with them and that should make me comfortable. I told him I don’t like that idea because he’s going to that kind of place with people who don’t really like me so who knows what’ll happen. There’s no one there to defend me. I asked him why they don’t like me because it popped up in my head. And he told me they have a lot of issues with me, that I’m insecure, emotional, unemployed, have no future. I’m worried that their opinion of me is going to ruin our relationship. I also have the fear that he’s putting these thoughts in their heads because I’ve done nothing wrong to them and all his other friends like me. I worked hard for a job and I work to improve my mental health and confidence, but it doesn’t even matter because no one can see it and they’ll continue to talk bad about me. Is there any way that a relationship can continue to be healthy and loving if his closest friends don’t like me?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey, that sounds like a tough situation. I can understand feeling hurt by what his friends said, even if they weren't directly to you. Friends' opinions can influence us, so it's natural to worry about that affecting your relationship. A few thoughts:

Focus on how your boyfriend treats you. As long as he respects you, supports you working on things, and doesn't let their words change how he feels, that's what really matters.

Talk to him about how what they said made you feel, without accusing. Hear his perspective too. An honest, caring conversation could help you both understand each other better.

Keep being yourself - you got a job, you're working on confidence, that's awesome. Don't let rude comments make you lose sight of your progress or self-worth. You got this!

His friends don't have to like you for your relationship to work. But set boundaries if needed - like not wanting him to go to Hooters alone with them. Stick up for yourself respectfully.

With time and seeing your caring relationship, sometimes outsider opinions can change. For now, focus on each other and communicating openly. You don't need their approval as long as he has your back. Keep your head up!