He said he can not break up with me that I have to do it?

[Anonymous]

8 year affair. We don't want to break up but it needs to be done for certain reasons. If he divorces he will lose everything he worked for over 30 years. We see and speak to each other daily.

He said he can not leave me and that since I am stronger mentally then him, that I should do the breaking up. That he is incapable of breaking up with me

So here we are stick because neither one of is can break it off. I even tried therapy it's not helping.

What to do?

[Anonymous]

What to do? You leave the situation that you know can’t go anywhere ever and get dick someplace else. You two are so trifling, pretending his cheating is justified because of his “finances” when really it isn’t justified at ALL. So tragically selfish, giving zero fucks about this woman who I’m sure would be crushed if she found out. You’ve probably managed to let him manipulate you into thinking she’s some horrible, less than human woman deserving of this but you should know better.

[Asker]

His wife knows. She says nothing to him so it's basically permission to cheat. And no he never talked down about her only that it's more of a business deal marriage which I believe because I believe because he's only home 3 days a week

[Opinion Owner]

How do you know she knows? How do you know it’s basically a business deal? Because he says so?

[Asker]

I told her years ago. Then I told him I told her. Neither one confronted the affair to each other. They just fake it and live a lie and I get an occasional threat on my social media from her or her kids.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh wow, well in that case I guess she’s made peace with this and that’s pretty sad for her. Must love him very much, despite him making it all about finances. Anyway, if you know this can’t go anywhere then like I said, be done and find another affair if that’s what you want. You’ve posted about this situation in the past quite a while ago and I’m surprised you’re still in it. Don’t you want your own marriage and family? Don’t you have at least a little bit of higher standard for yourself than this?

[Asker]

She loves not working or she's waiting out a financial strategy because she put up a few posts about untrustworthy, being used and being lonely with someone next to you. Or she's staying to spite me. She's crazy too
I don't have that dying desire to get married. The attachment to this man is extreme that's why I asked him to end it but he can't. Lol

[Opinion Owner]

I asked if you want children or to get married because even if they’re not dying desires, they can be motivation to get out of this situation since you know you’ll never have that life with him.

If you can’t find a purpose to be done, even just you deserving more/better, then posting this question is pointless because it’ll never be done. You will keep making excuses to remain a side chick since you’ve done it for so long and have become complacent, and he will keep using you for sex because you’re gullible enough to believe he’s trapped. I believe that when you really love someone, they are worth the sacrifice and if he truly loved you, he’d go ahead with that tumultuous divorce to be with you. He’d be a man and face the consequences of his indiscretion (meaning she could probably drain him dry for cheating), so he can wash his hands of that marriage and be with the woman he allegedly loves so deeply. But no, he stays marriage and idc what he says, it’s deeper than financial ties. My best friend was in your shoes for 8 years, she found the strength to leave, met a new guy the following year and he married her 4 months later. They’ve been together now 3 years and she’s never been happier. This isn’t me saying you should have that path of marriage, the point is she found the strength to leave a bad situation and found better. You can too.

[IslaTheWitch]

oh... how convenient for him :D

he can't divorce, he is too weak to break up...

you can stay where you are or you can take things into your hands... the question is what do you want?

[Asker]

Never thought of it like that. A convenience. It does appear the women in his life are very convenient towards him and now I put a light under his butt and he wants me to break up. Yet he's the one married with kids

[AviatorTom]

The first sentence says the breakup must happen, so do it. End the affair and find someone else... to have an affair with, or maybe a real relationship. Your choice.

[Asker]

Trust me this relationship is beyond real. My therapist says this is a wife level relationship the break up would be emotionally equivalent to a divorce

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the stormy waters of an affair and considering a breakup surely feels like you're being pushed out of a plane without a parachute! Darling, the fact that he's nudging you to be the "stronger" one and initiate the breakup is a neon sign of avoidance blinking in the night sky. He's essentially doing the relationship equivalent of saying, "It's not you, it's me," but with a plot twist. Here's a scoop: someone who truly cares wouldn't fence you in a situation where you're the one having to swing the axe, especially after an 8-year saga.

It sounds like you're both in a holding pattern, circling the airport but never landing. Let's face it, love should lift you up, not keep you in limbo. If he values his assets over your shared happiness, it might be time to ask yourself if this relationship runway is where you want to land. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is walk away from a flight that's never going to take off the way you hoped. It's not about being mentally stronger; it's about listening to your heart and respecting your worth. After all, your happiness deserves a clear landing strip, not one clouded by compromises.