Boyfriend is out of the counrty thousands of miles away and Im very opposed to him going out drinking. Am I being unreasonable, should I be worried?

[karebear01]

My boyfriend travles for work and is gone for weeks sometimes even a month at a time. I hated the job at first since he wasn't doing this kind of job when we met and I never wanted to date someone who is gone often. I know my self well enough to admit my overthinking and anxiety issues do not pair well with this type of relationship, it was a very difficult adjusment on my part but I feel I have done exceedingly well to not make to put my worries aside. Except when it came to him going out since he has a drinking problem even he has come to realize.

On his current trip, he was sent out of the country. On Saturday he mentioned his coworkers wanted to go to a bar crawl. I was not okay with the idea but again, I didn't oppose, I just told him not to expect me to be happy if he decides to go. He calls me an hour later because he's upset that I made him feel "guilty"and thats all he can think about. Again, I never yelled, or got angry just told him I didn't want him going and it made me sad that my peace of mind is not something he cares to take care of when I haven't seen him in half a month. I want my partner to value this enough to be able to skip out on a night of drinking. So Im having second thoughts whether this is a lifestyle that suites me. We say our goodbyes and thats that. I go to bed and he goes out.

I woke up at 0400 the next morning for work with at text from 0200 his time ( 0300 mine) that he was driving back to the hotel. I, of course check his location and he is NOT there but actually at an apartment complex at 0300 (0400 my time), an hour after he had said he was headed home. My heart dropped and I ask why he is still out, he says he didn't mean to send the "going home" text. And sends an "I love you more than anything." text very ominously. After that I saw he made it to the hotel but I haven't heard from him since and its been a few hours. Now I'm at work trying to keep from crying every few minutes while I wait to hear what he has to say.

[EmmaMary]

Sounds very much like a typical "I Want, I Want, I Want" relationship... Wthout sparing a single solitary thought for thinking what he might like or want.

Perhaps it's time you said your goodbyes and go your separate ways.

[karebear01]

I've given PLENTY of thought on what he likes and wants. So much so that I realize I can't and would never tell him what he can or can't do. Relationsphips are always evolving and for that to happen you have to be comfortable telling your partner your boundries and what you expect from them. That is when you learn if these are things you can both meet for eachother or not. I simply stated he is not meeting mine if he decideds that going out bar hopping in another counrty.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you so very much indeed for the SO.

[Squatting_Slav]

I've found the best thing to do these in these events is carry on with your own thing and have full trust and faith in your partner endlessly. IF anything happens it's not your fault and you've given love etc. His choices or what he does is utterly out of your control and the less it is your husiness the easier and more peacfeul you feel. If he loves you he will be loyal and faithful that's the best test of time.

[Anonymous]

Couples have to trust each other or they shouldn't be together. Wasting all this time and energy and grief worrying about what the other one's doing, why even have a boyfriend if that's how you're going to do it?

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the cocktail of distance, trust, and a partner with a zest for nightlife is quite the mix, isn't it? When it comes to your feelings about your boyfriend's drinking habits, especially given his history, it's completely normal to feel uneasy. Communication is key, but so is trust. It seems like you've been pretty clear about your feelings, and while it's important for partners to consider each other's feelings, it's also crucial for both of you to feel free in your individual choices.

Balancing these aspects is like walking a tightrope. On one hand, you've shown great strength and understanding by acknowledging your anxieties and working on them. On the other, it's clear his actions are stirring a storm of concerns for you, especially with that mysterious late-night adventure. 🕵️‍♂️

Whether you're being unreasonable is not the question here. The real question is whether both of your needs and boundaries can coexist in this relationship. It's about finding that sweet spot where you both feel respected and secure. If his nightlife and the way he handles it are causing you distress, it's worth a heart-to-heart discussion.

Lovebombing you with an "I love you more than anything" after a situation that obviously upset you, rather than addressing the issue, raises a flag. 🚩 Communication often requires more than reassurances; it demands actions and understanding.

This might be a good time to reflect on what you both want and need from this relationship. If there's a disconnect between your essentials and what's being offered, it might be time to reassess. But don't forget, a good conversation might just be the remedy needed for this tricky situation. Always here if you need to hash it out! 💘

[Caroline91]

I can't imagine being in a relationship where I felt I needed to check up on someone constantly. That's a trust issue.

[karebear01]

I actually only checked in on him once at 4am to see if he did make it to the hotel safely. We talked about it twcice and that was that. So I couldnt tell you what it feels like to "need to check up on someone constantly". There is however a trust issue in this situation, hence the post seeking opinions.

[HumbleDragon]

I’d say you’re being reasonable

[jahaims]

If you don't trust don't date

[DrPepper12]

Breakup. LDRs never work

[In_Trance]

That's overbearing