Partner wants to have a baby to save our relationship, is this a bad idea?

[Anonymous]

Me and partner have gone through a tough time lately with our relationship, with arguments and fight. She's thinks that having a baby will save our relationship, is this a bad idea?

Yes

No

[Realistic07]

Many people sometimes fall into this kind of mentality that somehow a kid will save a relationship. Really all that does is put the weight of a relationship on a child. More over a child that’s not even born or conceptualización yet.


The problems don’t magically go away just because the situation changed. If anything, it just adds more levels to the problems that already exist, and even more heartache yet to be felt. That heartache, especially when involving children is more than what many people can bear. If the relationship fails, you don’t only lose a partner you lose the ability to take care of your child the way you want.


If your partner is toxic, for example, you have gained to the rest of your life that you will be linked with through a child that most likely as a man you will have to pay child support for if the relationship should fail.


A child doesn’t heal anything it just stacks on responsibilities to an already difficult situation.
Problems Do not magically disappear with time they just harbor new and different problems.


In my opinion, your best course of action if you really do want to save your relationship is therapy, Communication, and realization.
Therapy helps work through the issues, developing communication helps create solutions that are realistic, and can really apply to any relationship, and sometimes that leads to realization either for the better or for the worse, but Realization the same.


The better realization may be a working through of the situations and problems that you have. The worst realization is that both of you Or one of you come to the reality that the relationship just simply not working out.


I always tell people to try and talk to each other, try and figure out solutions, and try to be realistic with one another. If those things are impossible to do a couple, then you have to assess the reality of your relationship yourself.


Is this something you really want to be a part of, There is a history but is the history worth continuing, There are problems but can those problems realistically be fixed, and most of all through everything that both of you have already gone through do you feel that both of you have the energy to go through more to try and fix it?


If any of these answers are leading you to the negative more so than the positive Then I think you as well as I know what you should be talking about, and what may come of that conversation.


This of course, is just my opinion. That said in that opinion, I feel like given all the truth I can. I wish you luck in whatever is to come of your relationship, and Hope that no matter what comes both of you can find peace with the decisions made.

[hahahmm]

I've seen two ways this can play out:

A. Woman gets pregnant hoping it makes the man stay. It might work in 1% of cases but usually if the guy doesn't think the woman is wife material he's not interested in staying. Dumb guys get women pregnant without ever thinking about the possible consequences tho.

B. Woman is looking for 18 years of child support from a guy with money.

Either way you will be seen as the bad guy if you leave OR she leaves you. She will spin it as you being a horrible person and she's a saint & good mom, no matter how much she sucks at being a mom.

Never do anything you don't believe in 100% because what will happen is when it goes wrong she will blame you 100% and in society the man is always responsible, not the woman, regardless of what feminists spout. This is why as a man it's better to be a leader than a sucker who thinks he's in a 50/50 relationship or who lets her lead. Not that every man IS a leader... many suck at that but that's another story.

My question for you is what expectations and requirements do you have for her for her to prove that she is likely to be a good mom/wife. If the answer is nothing then you haven't thought about that have you? So what even is the point. It'd be like jumping off a cliff in total darkness and not knowing what will happen next.

But if you do know or you figure that out then it becomes her needing to be that before you even think about going down the road of having a kid. But the problem is she can get pregnant any time by 'forgetting' to take the pill or 'accidentally' stealing your condom from the trash and the courts WILL say you are responsible for child support REGARDLESS of how she got your sperm. Beware.

[hahahmm]

Thanks for MHO. Checkout my mytakes. May see something helpful to your situation in there.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Yes, it is a terrible idea. The relationship needs to be fixed first and stability in place, emotionally, physically and financially.

Both of you should have separate, licensed therapists. If you are religious, do not do "biblical counseling" through a church; they don't know what they are doing. Get a real therapist. One or both of you may need medication to stabilize, too. But you both have to want it. Otherwise, just end it.

I'd make very certain that you have protection when having sex if you stay much longer, though. No exceptions. If she is thinking "baby", she may stop taking birth control and then, oops...

[smashleyy]

Having a kid is a temporary fix. Babies have an effect on our oxytocin release and that interacts with dopamine. Once those good feeling hormones die down and the newness of having a baby wears off your relationship issues will be waiting for you except now breaking up isn’t a quick easy solution since a child is now involved. Having a kid to fix issues is the dumbest thing I’ve heard and yet sadly it is quite common

[AI Opinion]

Bringing a little bundle of joy into a rocky relationship with hopes of it being the ultimate glue? Oh, love, let's navigate this tender terrain together. Adding a baby to the mix, expecting them to be a band-aid for existing issues, is like adding fuel to the fire. Babies, with all their cuteness, bring sleepless nights, countless worries, and, let’s not forget, the pitter-patter of little feet that also steps on your peace of mind and free time. It’s crucial the foundation of your relationship is solid, loving, and genuinely supportive before turning up the baby-making tunes. A relationship should be thriving on its own, with open communication, understanding, and mutual respect, before deciding to expand the family. Fix what's between you first, maybe with a bit of counseling or heart-to-hearts. Trust me; it’s easier to navigate the stormy seas of a relationship without a baby onboard as your first mate.

[DishLady]

It's a horrible idea to bring a child into a rancid relationship. Children need a stable and caring environment so they can be raised properly.

[AviatorTom]

Depends. Do you both what to have kids? Having a child to care for can bring you closer together, or it can push you farther apart.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

What @DishLady said. Horrible.

Plus, more infos: A baby as a relationship saver, is a triple pressure force applied, pressure to succeed on the mother, pressure to succeed on you, pressure on the baby, you two are adults, you are familiar with burdens, the baby not, please.

The risk, for the baby, with such pressure, is that you'll get a baby growing up with the dormant but untold idea that he/she's on a mission to save your couple. Not a very good start to build up an independent identity as a future grown-up I'd say

[Static_In_The_Attic]

In life there are reasons & there are right reasons & there are wrong reasons. If you two are going to have a baby have a baby for the right reasons & not the wrong reasons.

If you two are fighting & arguing now wait until you have a baby so if she thinks having a baby will save your relationship think again.

If you two can’t play nice don’t play at all.

[Anonymous]

"Hey! Our relationship is such an unmitigated disaster that if we don't do something soon it's going to fall apart completely. You know what I think is a GOOD idea? Let's bring a new human being into the world who is COMPLETELY depended on the two of us and whose physical, mental and emotional well-being depends on us having a functional relationship--something we've absolutely PROVEN we are TOTALLY INCAPABLE of doing in normal times with very little stress. Oh right--and NOW we can try to do it under a LOT more physical, emotional and financial stress! Sound good?"

[HawkPerception]

Terrible idea. Having a kid is not a fix for the lack of compatibility and/or effort in the relationship. It might force you 2 to stick together to provide for the kid, but there will likely be fights and a higher chance of separation/divorce, which can negatively impact the kid's mentality.

You should only think about having children in a loving and stable relationship.

[Alchemizt]

I don't think it's a good idea. If your relationship is not stable bringing a child won't help settle it. What your partner might be trying to posit is that the child might bring y'all closer but I highly doubt it'd work. I pray everything goes right for you, but in case if something goes off road after the baby is born, that child is going to have a hard time. So it's not a good idea. Stay strong man!

[Anonymous]

Of course not. What exact types of problems are you two having? Those issues need to be addressed. She feeling neglected cause you work too much or something. So maybe she thinks having a child around will give her love, attention. What was her explanation for why she thought having a child would save your relationship?

[Surely]

Don’t bring a child into the mix. They are a lot of work and can be the cause of considerable stress. Maybe she thinks her biological clock is running out. So if she has your child. She will have a second source of income to help support it. Even if you two part ways!

[Ladsin2]

I once had a "client", a 15 year old mixed-native boy who was abandoned by the tribe because he was white, and by his father because he was a drunk. Kid lacked love in his life and he was talking about getting his girlfriend pregnant to bring love into his life. Your question reminds me a lot about him and my response to him. "Not a great idea bud."

[BonzoInBitburg]

That's a horrible idea. Do you want to bring a kid into all your problems? You've got to fix what's broken because kids didn't get rid of problems. They only create more and different problems

[PBandJ_Nerd]

It could be a bad idea, especially if you both don't want kids or wanting kids is one-sided. You guys have to work on fixing your relationship first before having a kid.

[exitseven]

This is the worst idea. Not only will you both be miserable but you will bring a poor innocent baby into the misery. Trust me , it sucks to be raised in a house where the parents fight all the time.

[itsannalee]

Just break up if u want to break up.
Don’t have kid if u are not ready to have it, especially for your silly reason to have it.


Get it when you can afford it and ready for it.

[Yannae]

VERY bad. If you can't work together without the stress and effort that comes with a kid, it won't work when you have a kid. A kid is a relationship on hard difficulty, because you both make sacrifices for that kid.

[avery58]

Yeah, and selfish since you'd be bringing a baby into an unstable religion

[avery58]

Relationship*** stupid autocorrect 🙄

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

don't blame the autocorrection too much, I love watching its errands and considered their meanings ! Especially on a site that does not allow post edit, that's priceless 🤣

[Fireguy17]

It will not save a relationship having a kid.
It will just make things worse and then the kid is the one that ends up being screwed up.

[lightbulb27]

That strikes me as more about her sense of security. Bad idea. Can work as long as you accept reality.

[andreasderjuengere]

Baby wants your long term commitment.

Get a dog first and see how it goes :)

Anyhow - she suggests to make it lasting for you two. That's a good base.

[LiamJHayden]

Horrible idea. If the relationship fails, which it sounds like it is, adding a child will in all likelihood result in 18 years of child support for you.

[SugarSugarplum]

No baby comes into this world to make adults happy.

[strateguy632]

Bad idea. That won't limit arguments! Argue not to*hav a baby!

[OtterMan68]

very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY bad idea

[Crazzyyworld]

I think it will give you some kind of bondage but do you really want to stay in relationship because of child?

[Twalli]

Having a baby might save it. However, it may not. Would you two be okay being single parents? That's a possibility.

[DextroShade]

Your relationship should be strong before you do that, not weak.

[clampfan101]

You need to be able to take care of yourselves first before you can safely care for a child.

[Staximus]

My parents thought that would work and it didn't. Don't do it.

[Pyrofox]

Thats just entrapment.

[Radiate143]

Of course it is. That will make it worse.

[ProbablyClueless]

That is an extremely bad idea

[DrPepper12]

HORRIBLE IDEA!!! 🛑🚩🚫
Don't do it!!!

[missindiana93]

Yes it's a bad idea. Babies are hard to raise.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Seldom does a child rescue a relationship.

[msc545]

TERRIBLE idea. Don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Insanity.

[jahaims]

Duh.

[noohair]

Bad bad bad idea.