Do you believe some things are better kept to yourself when it comes to relationships?

[Alchemizt]

Someone once told me that certain things are better kept to yourself in a relationship if you love the other person. This could include your past, certain sexual fantasies, or a dangerous part of you that you're controlling.

Although I did agree with it to a certain extent, I couldn't fully agree since it leaves a question whether or not you're truly honest and loyal to your partner if you decide to go that way.

Do you think it's better to reveal everything about yourself? Or are certain things better to be kept to yourself?

[Finchie40]

It’s best to be honest about everything your partner asks you a question about. Why people date each other first , to get to know each other , before deciding to be committed together. If you are telling them lies just to appease them or try to impress them , You are only hurting yourself by lying to them, by you not being honest about yourself and who you truly are , will just be a matter of time before the truth shines and they leave your ass. We aren’t mind readers and we don’t know what someone’s true intentions are , so if you really like someone and you want to be closer to that someone , you are best to be honest with them as much as possible , whether they choose to believe you or not , that’s up to them to decide not for you to decide. You really can’t be mad at someone that has been honest with you , but you can be mad at someone for lying to you. You can’t truly love someone , if you are constantly lying to someone , you only love yourself and you can have that relationship all by yourself

[hahahmm]

I'm trying to make this as short as possible: My POV is as someone who is a private type person. Usually. Good relationships are based on trust. It takes a long time to really build mutual trust. People telling secrets is a side effect of having trust. If you are yapping a lot & notice the other person is only listening it's a HINT for you to shut up. Although, that said... some stuff you can tell is harmless or not a big deal compared to others, right? Actually, I don't think the fantasies stuff you mentioned is a big deal. But then I don't have any real sicko fantasies either.

I definitely have told my wife 100% of my thoughts on what I want & I've listened to what she wants. If I never had done that then I wouldn't even know if she's half interested in being with the real me. So that happened before marriage. The kind of stuff I won't talk about is every random idea/thought in my head. Every detail of everything I ever did in the past. I mean, what's the point? Unless it is directly relevant to our lives now or may affect her somehow.

"Or are certain things better to be kept to yourself?" Yeah, some things keep to yourself. BUT over time tho, I'm sure more details get shared. Pace yourself. Imagine if you found 'the one'. Save some stories for your deathbed. Lmao.

[Crimsyjo]

Excellent response. I'm trying to learn not to overshare. Its hard. I'm very open. But I have to remember to put myself in their shoes and think how would I feel knowing that information? Is it relevant? Esp when comes to past relationships, exes and sex.

[hahahmm]

@Crimsyjo Not only that but when you talk too much you can't listen and listening is how you learn the most about the other person, not by talking because it's EASY for someone to pretend to agree with what you say.

[Crimsyjo]

Ohh. Yeah. That's true too!! Tho guys are good at "being quiet" so I fill the void with over talking. I know it's a tactic lol. Well I recently learned it is haha.

[PeachyPie93]

Obviously if someone asks you about something you should tell them and be honest. But certain things don't need all the details. Though I am pretty sure being open and honest is the best way to be in a relationship. Especially early on so both people can decide before feelings are involved if you really want to be with this person or not.
Like if you fucked her best friend or sister in the past, I think she should be informed before you start dating so she can choose if she wants to go forward with you or not lol.

[DizzyDesii]

I think the past matters but i do think certain fantasies should be kept to yourself if the person already hinted at not being interested in that. There are boundaries for a reason. I used to joke about nasty ass rkelly pissin on people and then one guy still had the serious nerve to ask if i’d let him pee on me since its his fantasy. I told rkelly 2.0 NO

[Summeroflove]

The problem is that MANY people do this. So they pretend to be someone they’re not stringing someone along with a false image of themselves.

Such as he/she may say they are a virgin. When they in fact are not and have done everything under the sun behind closed doors. The problem is many people want their cake and eat it too. A man may want to have fun with whores. But he knows a whore won’t make a good long term partner. So he will want to marry a virgin. The problem is that a woman whose genuinely saving herself for marriage would be disgusted by a man whose done that.

At the same time a girl whose wanting to have fun with the bad boys. But what’s to settle down with a gentleman the same goes for her. She may pretend to be sweet and innocent. Despite not being what she really is. She’s only doing it so that she can use the guy for what she wants/needs. Money, security, social status, and the list goes on.

[imtiaz45]

Yes, in relationships, some things are better kept to yourself to maintain harmony and respect. Not every thought or feeling needs to be shared, especially if it might cause unnecessary hurt or conflict. It's important to distinguish between issues that genuinely need discussion and fleeting emotions or opinions that could be harmful. Preserving certain personal boundaries can help protect the relationship's overall well-being. However, this doesn't mean avoiding important conversations; honesty and communication are crucial. The key is balancing openness with sensitivity, ensuring that what is shared strengthens rather than weakens the relationship.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/LtCmSF_gHCw

[BetaBucks]

Yes. Without a doubt. Pretty much 100% of people have thoughts that would devestate their partners. I mean, our entire civilization is filled with lies agreed upon. We just keep the hurtful shit to ourselves, as much as possible. But in relationships, we need to be even more diligent.

No, your wife doesn't need to know the girl at the gym is way hotter. No, your husband doesn't need to know that you would blow your celebrity crush if you got the chance. There's absolutely nothing to gain with that kind of sharing.

[Lliam]

Yes. There is no benefit to telling your partner every single thing about yourself. In fact, I wouldn't want to be with a person who thought she was entitled to know every single thing about me.

Does she want to know every stupid thing I ever did? Does she want to know details about ex girlfriends or our sex lives? How would that raise her esteem for me or make her happy?

My wife and I have been married for almost 28 years. We've chatted and shared a lot over the years. I reminisce and share anecdotes with her all the time. But I do have tact and discretion. I know when to keep my mouth shut.

I don't need to know every single thing about her, either.

People are individuals. They don't become one when they become partners.

[bobalife]

I believe a good relationship that establish a foundation of honesty, trust, and transparency is healthier & loving long-term. There are always going to be tough conversations, but I think it’s okay as long as it’s coming from a loving approach, both can mutually understand each other, and make compromises.

[HawkPerception]

No. I put all my cards on the table. I have a pretty big mouth in general and don't really have secrets.

Relationships are better when you tell each everything about yourselves. It creates trust from both sides... even the person sharing, as they can now confidently confide in you for anything.

[sawno]

Yes and no, I hurt my ex with some of the things I said but she knew I was fully open and honest with her. I believe in the value of that because it creates immense trust. Of course its better not to say some things on your own, but if she asks I am always honest rather than making up an excuse. That way she can build on me.

[rparks]

I think it really depends on what it is you are keeping to yourself. In all honesty, it isn't important to know every single detail about your past if that isn't the same person you are today, and unfortunately many people judge others for decisions they made in the past, even though every one of us has made mistakes in the past.

[LoveHotGrillz]

You never go 100% honest with anybody. Some things are best left unsaid. a lot of things actually, are best left unsaid.

You lose leveraging power if you show anybody your entire hand.

[Malwi93]

wise asss words

[Justneedtokno]

Yeah, I do sometimes everything that comes to mind. You don’t have to say I’m learning that their stuff that I wonder and wanna ask but realizing if I’m thinking I wanna know something. I’ll just try to wait and see if they’ll just answer it because I don’t want to assume that I know, when I don’t, I don’t wanna think or overthink something either but it’s hard not to

[serious_miss419]

I have herpes and I have to disclose it obviously (I don’t need a lecture about that), I do and I’m rejected immediately.
I quit trying over the years and don’t even bother anymore. So yeah, tell them everything and let them make the choice to be with u or not.

[thatshydork]

Yeah, some things are better left untouched unless they ask. If they do, I will respond with brief detail and then say “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to go into more detail at the moment” or “I don’t feel comfortable saying much more.”

[silvermoon84]

I think it’s best to lay everything on the table. You can do that up front or gradually but if it’s someone that you’re really serious about, they should know. I’m learning this lesson myself.

[blueonblack22]

Depends. The problem is the other person might not view whatever secret you have the same way you do.

[serious]

Well, if the person has sexual fantasies then it is best kept to themselves. Other than that the person must be 100% honest with their partner.

[Agape93]

Absolutely. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't entitle the other to know everything. Not everyone is accepting or considerate. Things can be used against you, you could be mistreated or abused because you let them know the wrong thing

[DrPepper12]

Absolutely not! Some things are private and not to be shared.

[Crazzyyworld]

100% honest from the beginning will hurt each other but you will get a chance to be honest in time. Then you have to open it little by little. And relationship gets deeper as time goes

[ProbablyClueless]

Some things, yes. But it's generally better to be open and honest with your partner.

[rachel776]

everyone goes down the aisle with half the story hidden

[Ladsin2]

There are certain things better left unsaid, but if she asks you a direct question never lie.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Yes, because a certain part of everyone should be secret.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes, I agree with you

[jahaims]

I share everything with my wife.

[Wise4myage]

Oh I definitely agree 100%.

[LiamJHayden]

Kept to myself? I don't even know myself.

[Crimsyjo]

Hahaha.. cute! Lol

[NathanDavis]

I have no secrets

[DishLady]

Sure.

[itsannalee]

Yeah, i do sometimes

[fuddly]

Of course