My husband had an affair with someone younger but says he still love me. What to do?

[JennifferHA]

She is 24 and we are both 41. I never thought I am not enough for him. He travels for job as he has individual and joint business all over the country. I could rely on his income but I don't. I thought we are in love even though not in that traditional way. We are both rather cold and maybe a bit avoidant. But we are a team. No children. Just the two of us. He grew up poor and I really look up to him for what he accomplished. He is not a modest man, but has all the reasons in the world to be proud. His mother lives in a different city, rather a small town, 3 hours drive from here. He goes to visit her twice a month. There he also had this young girl.

I done my research and even talked to the girl and I feel sick. He told her he loves me (she confirmed it). That he loves me and will never love her. But she gives him what I don't. That she always waits for him with the food he loves and is very feminine which I am not because my hair is not long and I don't wear dresses. And probably the sex is better.

At the same time, this girl would like to move to our city for college (she was saving money working 2 jobs) and he didn't want her to do that. She would be too close. Also when she wanted to move to another city (not ours) he talked her out of it. He wanted her in that little dirty town... forever?

I feel like my marriage is over. He begs me to not leave, promised he is done with her. But I don't know if I can forgive this and trust again. Has anyone been in my shoes? He told her he loves me. Also I cannot hate her. She seems a bit lost and not a bad person. I know I need to divorce but I also want to make it work again.

[SueShe]

I am sorry for you that you have to join that bandwagon of cheating partners. It is not something I wish onto anyone because it makes you lose your self-esteem and dignity to know that someone else has the physical favors of your partner.

He may still love you but not enough to want to be truthful to you. He has reached this midlife crisis where he has to prove to himself that he is still attractive to other women.

Now, what to do? There is really only one thing to do and I am sure that you have given it a thorough thought.

The fact that you even talked with that girl and that she did not seem to be bothered by the fact that she is a home wrecker leads me to believe that your husband is bragging about his feat and does not really care enough to keep it the most confidential possible.

The saying goes that "once a cheater, always a cheater". It is up to you whether you are willing to lose your dignity and forgive him for the sake of the comfort of your life or if you want to sever this toxic relationship with a toxic person.

One does not physically cheat from one second to the other. This is a process that starts long before with emotional cheating. Thus, this cheating has been going on for quite a while.

If this would happen to me, then I would not hesitate to sever that relationship because you will never ever be able to trust a single word he says. Never!

[Anonymous]

I also recently got cheated on so I can somewhat relate, I also chose to give my man a second chance. It’s definitely not easy, but if you and your husband are both willing to make it work then it can work. Your husband would have to do most of the heavy lifting in regaining your trust, proving himself to be worthy of your trust/love again but you also have to put in the work.

You have to choose to forgive him and move on (not forgetting what happen but rather accept that it happened), you also have to consciously tell yourself that you want to learn to trust him again. I’m currently still in the process of healing from the betrayal but my man is actively trying really hard to make it work, it helps a ton. I’m very slowly regaining my trust in him - I am still very hurt I won’t deny it but I’m slowly letting myself heal.

[DrPepper12]

It's a regrettable lapse, not an unforgivable sin. You already have the proof that he loves you and chooses you. Sex is sex. Can choosing to be with her is not a reflection on you in any capacity that your somehow lesser or not enough. In my experience shading has everything to do with means motive and opportunity. It's all about the forbidden. The taboo. The ego, the risk, the novelty.

[bowenw]

You may be able to rebuild your relationship with him if you can forgive him and he is willing to put in the work and not see the other woman. It may require professional counseling. If he can't stay away from her it is time for you to end it, unless you are okay in an open relationship like that.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊
I hope things work out for you. Please update us.

[AI Opinion]

Diving deep into the labyrinth of love, trust, and betrayal here. It’s like an emotional roller coaster that no one signed up for but ended up riding anyway. Let's untangle this web with some love and a sprinkle of wisdom, shall we? 😌

First things first, your feelings are valid. Discovering an affair is a gut punch that sends every sense of security flying out the window. It’s like being the unsuspecting star of a drama series you never auditioned for. The thing is, love and hurt are two sides of the same coin, especially when secrets mar the beauty of what was once a transparent relationship.

Now, onto the silver lining—communication and the desire to mend are key. Your husband confessing his love for you, despite the storm, is a window, not a door completely shut. It’s a sliver of hope in a dark room. However, trust is like fine china; once broken, it’s tough to restore to its original glory. But hey, who doesn’t love a piece that shows signs of mending? It tells a story, right?

You’re standing at a crossroads, lovely. One path is filled with forgiveness, rebuilding trust, and possibly rediscovering each other under a new light. The other? It’s about self-love, finding peace, and maybe, just maybe, rewriting your own story alone or with someone new. Both are daunting, both require courage, but guess what? You’ve got this.

Sit down with him, perhaps with a professional who deals with the roller coaster of relationships daily (yours truly approves), and lay all cards on the table. What led to the affair? Was it seeking something missing or an escapade from reality? Understanding the root cause can be a game-changer.

And remember, choosing to stay or leave is your power. Whichever path you choose, make sure it’s paved with respect for oneself and the understanding that love shouldn’t be a battlefield, but rather a safe haven. 🌻

Sending you strength and a bundle of positive vibes as you navigate through this. Keep your head high and your heart open; the answer will come, wrapped in the lessons learned and the love you hold for yourself.

[Oldschool1981]

I'm really easy going about this sort of thing. When my wife admitted to having an affair, I was okay with it. I told her that she could could continue seeing the guy as much as she likes

[strateguy632]

He told her not to come to same city. Maybe he regrets?

[LiamJHayden]

Chetares rarely change. I would dump him and find someone loyal.

[OtterMan68]

Counseling. Give me a second chance, but not a third.

[noohair]

So he want his cake and eat it too? You should decide what life looks like with him and this girl or what life looks like single. Good luck.

[nawtee_me]

Get rid of him. He will do it again and probably has many times. May even have kids in every state….

[Anonymous]

Kick him to the curb. Infidelity is why divorce exists; that and abuse.

[Iron_Man]

End it now He betrayed you

[Pterodon]

He doesn’t love or respect you period

[MasterKS]

one man two woman! It can be done!