Should I stay if my husband doesn't love me anymore?

[dutchess1998]

So I'm new to another country been here for only 5months and he's been the one taking care of me. I haven't been taking care of him since we moved here because I thought he wouldn't mind as much, though I take care of the house like laundry and cleaning. I've always struggled about losing the weight I'm 75kilos at the moment which he didn't like. He said I'm so fat now I should start losing the weight. But just this month I asked him out of curiosity since I don't feel like he loves me and he said no he doesn't love me anymore. He just sees me as a sibling, someone he needs to take care of and he wants a divorce. He didn't even tell me about it not until I asked. He said he's gonna divorce me next year without my knowledge. I asked to work things out, he agreed after a lot of begging. Should I still fight for our marriage? Is there still hope that his feelings would come back?

[Anonymous]

Here are my thoughts on whether you should stay in this marriage:

1) Love is the foundation of any healthy relationship, so if your husband no longer loves you, that poses a major problem. Feeling unloved and unsupported by your partner is no way to live.

2) The fact that your husband hid his feelings from you and was planning to divorce you without even telling you is a huge breach of trust. Open, honest communication is essential in marriage.

3) Your husband criticizing your weight and body in a disrespectful way is unhealthy relationship dynamics. He should love and support you regardless of your size.

4) It's questionable whether your husband's feelings will genuinely come back at this point. He seems fairly set on divorce, and trying to "fix" things when one partner no longer loves the other is usually futile. Love is not a switch you can turn back on.

5) You have only been in this country for 5 months, away from your support system. Going through a divorce in a new environment would present additional challenges.

6) Overall, staying in a marriage where you feel unloved, disrespected and deceived is unlikely to bring you happiness long-term. You deserve a partner who loves and cherishes you as you are.

In summary, while I understand your desire to try and make things work, I do not think this marriage is salvageable based on what you've described. I would recommend considering separation or divorce and focusing on building a support system where you are now. You have so much life ahead - don't settle for feeling unloved. I hope this perspective provides some clarity. Please feel free to follow up if you have any other questions.

Here are my thoughts on whether you should stay in this marriage:

1) Love is the foundation of any healthy relationship, so if your husband no longer loves you, that poses a major problem. Feeling unloved and unsupported by your partner is no way to live.

2) The fact that your husband hid his feelings from you and was planning to divorce you without even telling you is a huge breach of trust. Open, honest communication is essential in marriage.

3) Your husband criticizing your weight and body in a disrespectful way is unhealthy relationship dynamics. He should love and support you regardless of your size.

4) It's questionable whether your husband's feelings will genuinely come back at this point. He seems fairly set on divorce, and trying to "fix" things when one partner no longer loves the other is usually futile. Love is not a switch you can turn back on.

5) You have only been in this country for 5 months, away from your support system. Going through a divorce in a new environment would present additional challenges.

6) Overall, staying in a marriage where you feel unloved, disrespected and deceived is unlikely to bring you happiness long-term. You deserve a partner who loves and cherishes you as you are.

In summary, while I understand your desire to try and make things work, I do not think this marriage is salvageable based on what you've described. I would recommend considering separation or divorce and focusing on building a support system where you are now. You have so much life ahead - don't settle for feeling unloved. I hope this perspective provides some clarity. Please feel free to follow up if you have any other questions.

Here are my thoughts on whether you should stay in this marriage:

1) Love is the foundation of any healthy relationship, so if your husband no longer loves you, that poses a major problem. Feeling unloved and unsupported by your partner is no way to live.

2) The fact that your husband hid his feelings from you and was planning to divorce you without even telling you is a huge breach of trust. Open, honest communication is essential in marriage.

3) Your husband criticizing your weight and body in a disrespectful way is unhealthy relationship dynamics. He should love and support you regardless of your size.

4) It's questionable whether your husband's feelings will genuinely come back at this point. He seems fairly set on divorce, and trying to "fix" things when one partner no longer loves the other is usually futile. Love is not a switch you can turn back on.

5) You have only been in this country for 5 months, away from your support system. Going through a divorce in a new environment would present additional challenges.

6) Overall, staying in a marriage where you feel unloved, disrespected and deceived is unlikely to bring you happiness long-term. You deserve a partner who loves and cherishes you as you are.

In summary, while I understand your desire to try and make things work, I do not think this marriage is salvageable based on what you've described. I would recommend considering separation or divorce and focusing on building a support system where you are now. You have so much life ahead - don't settle for feeling unloved. I hope this perspective provides some clarity. Please feel free to follow up if you have any other questions.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't love you then NO. ﾠ

[patata101]

tbh i suggest u to go to a couples therapist.. maybe he is going through things,, you've been married for 3 years and you never changed but he stopped loving you now? i think it's weird.. .
also why did he decide to divorce you after a year? why one year and why without you knowing? i think you should seek professional help and then act after you understand the situation more

[DextroShade]

A therapist cannot convince a man to find fat women attractive.

[dutchess1998]

He said he didn't want to hurt me but I think that's even more painful him not telling me. I did tell him that we should go together but he said he knows himself and he doesn't need to go to a therapist

[dutchess1998]

It is weird. But he said all I did before just came piling up that's why his love for me lessened.

[patata101]

dexto im new in this app so I don't know how to mention you in a comment , but why did he stay with her for 6 years if he thinks she's unattractive?

[patata101]

dutchess, he is not even willing to find a solution, this is sad but i think you need to move on

[dutchess1998]

I was skinnier before when he met me. Got into some depression that's why I gained weight

[dutchess1998]

He isn't he's waiting for me to make all the moves

[patata101]

that's fucked up,,, i mean i can understand his standards but divorce because of fat you can lose? I don't know... not sure if there's something else because you said it's an accumulation of things but to be fair to you he should've told you what things you gotta change and or improve..

[dutchess1998]

He said I'm not trying hard enough. He just said it to me now that he's divorcing me I've had it with him

[sheikalana]

Ugh I hate that you're going through that. See it's very possible to rekindle your relationship but it takes two to dance tango. Both of you would have to be very committed to work things out. I'm not the biggest fan of therapy but I feel that considering your circumstances a therapist could be very helpful.

[dutchess1998]

I feel like he's just staying with me out of guilt and pity. I'm doing all the work since he said he's done his part before we had this issue it's very draining. I cry almost everyday

[sheikalana]

I can imagine how painful it must be. But if both of you are willing to work things out give it a shot especially if there's children involved. If not then moving on will be for the best and I hope you find your happiness.

[dutchess1998]

There's no children involved he already told me he doesn't want me to be the mother of his children. I'm going to think about this

[Avicenna]

If he acts like that, I wouldn't stick around

[Oliverlogan263]

Here are my thoughts on whether you should stay in this marriage:

1) Love is the foundation of any healthy relationship, so if your husband no longer loves you, that poses a major problem. Feeling unloved and unsupported by your partner is no way to live.

2) The fact that your husband hid his feelings from you and was planning to divorce you without even telling you is a huge breach of trust. Open, honest communication is essential in marriage.

3) Your husband criticizing your weight and body in a disrespectful way is unhealthy relationship dynamics. He should love and support you regardless of your size.

4) It's questionable whether your husband's feelings will genuinely come back at this point. He seems fairly set on divorce, and trying to "fix" things when one partner no longer loves the other is usually futile. Love is not a switch you can turn back on.

5) You have only been in this country for 5 months, away from your support system. Going through a divorce in a new environment would present additional challenges.

6) Overall, staying in a marriage where you feel unloved, disrespected and deceived is unlikely to bring you happiness long-term. You deserve a partner who loves and cherishes you as you are.

In summary, while I understand your desire to try and make things work, I do not think this marriage is salvageable based on what you've described. I would recommend considering separation or divorce and focusing on building a support system where you are now. You have so much life ahead - don't settle for feeling unloved. I hope this perspective provides some clarity. Please feel free to follow up if you have any other questions.

[dutchess1998]

I love your answer it gave me some perspective although I disagree with the one where he's criticizing my body weight. Aren't men visual creatures? Tho I am trying my best to lose weight. Because I'm wondering if I do get skinnier I will win him back. I really want our relationship to work as hard as it is right now. But I appreciate your kind words

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome! Here are some things to consider regarding your husband criticizing your weight:

1. While many men are visual, that does not mean criticizing your partner's body or appearance is acceptable. Healthy relationships are built on respect, not shallow judgments.

2. Losing weight to "win back" your husband's love is not a sustainable long-term solution. Love and attraction must go deeper than just physical appearance.

3. Even if you lost weight and he initially seemed happier, that would not fix the underlying issues in your relationship like lack of communication and effort. The problems would likely resurface eventually.

4. You deserve a partner who loves you for who you truly are, at any size or weight. Their love for you should not be contingent on your physical transformation.

5. Focus on making changes that will boost your own self-confidence and happiness, not just to please your husband. Prioritize your own wellbeing.

6. Having a healthy lifestyle and weight is important for your health. But do it for yourself, not to win back his love. His love should not be the main motivating factor.

7. Talk to your husband openly and honestly. Tell him that while you want to be healthy, you also need his love and support, not just criticism. A loving partner builds you up, not tears you down.

In summary, focusing on losing weight to fix your relationship may not be the best approach. Prioritize open communication, effort from both of you, and building love, trust and respect. But also reflect on whether this relationship truly meets your needs and deserves any more of your effort. You deserve a partner who loves you as you are. I wish you the very best moving forward.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You're 75kg now, what were you when you two met? If you put on 2kg and he's not attracted to you that's very different than if you used to be 50kg. Also I don't know how tall you are, so that makes a difference.

Like it or not, there's a physical component to attraction. So how you answer the above matters. On top of that, you admitted that you used to take care of him and now you don't. What did you expect to happen?

[dutchess1998]

I was 52 to 55kg. I am 5'3. I just thought it didn't matter as much since he didn't say anything about it also I'm busy with work we have different schedules

[BoopBoopBeep]

So you gained nearly half your body weight, and you didn't think a 50% increase mattered to how attractive you are? So, if he were 50% less attractive you wouldn't notice? Then you're not paying attention. Everybody's busy. It's called life. Doesn't give us all excuses to stop trying and just give up. You stopped investing in yourself and the relationship and your returns were on par with that. If you stop investing in your retirement then you don't get to retire early. That's how things work. This is no different.

That's 114lbs to 165lbs for our American friends too lazy to google..

[b_lova]

Run while you can.

He is toxic for you.

Holding on to a relationship when someone treats you the way he is, is similar to holding onto a wild animal trying to get away from you. The more you hold on the more hurt you are going to find yourself suffering.

[Mamaliv]

I’d never stay with someone who isn’t in love with me. How can you love someone that feels that way about you, you’ll only grow to resent each other and be miserable.

[dutchess1998]

That's what he said that I should move on but I wanted it to be him. I want our marriage to work since he's my first boyfriend and now my husband

[dutchess1998]

I don't know what I should do

[Billlewis]

If you really, truly believe that he doesn't love you anymore, then you probably shouldn't remain in the relationship.

[dutchess1998]

He said he'd try his best to fix our marriage. But the lack of affection and love is slowly killing me

[dutchess1998]

He still hasn't have feelings for me a week after we had that talk

[Billlewis]

How long have you been with him?

[dutchess1998]

6 years in total. 3 years married

[DextroShade]

The most important thing you can do to save your marriage is to lose weight and get in shape. He explicitly told you as much.

[dutchess1998]

But isn't that shallow?

[DextroShade]

Men and women value different things but only the things men value are shamed as "shallow" by our broken feminized culture. Women want men who can protect them and provide for them; men want women who aren't fat, aren't hoes, and aren't bitchy. Men are more visual than women, knowing this you can either acknowledge it, get in shape, and keep your man or you can complain, shame men, stay fat and die alone. It's your choice.