#2. What should I do here? I've been dating a guy for 2 years , we are over 40, he doesn't want to get married..I guess. Yet he wants to remain in the relationship & tells me he does not want to see anyone else, that he isn't trying to date anyone else either he claims we need to ..."work on things" as he often puts it. We live thousands of miles apart & when he comes here to visit me , he does not discuss any plan to get geographically closer nor does he mention our future together.
He was here again after not seeing me for a year, after almost losing me when I decided to quit waiting for him to commit or want to marry me. He told me that he could change his mind about wanting to marry me , that he can't understand why he doesn't want to marry me. He claims he hasn't dated much & isn't sure..that I have much more experience having been married before and dated before.
#3 What does the man think of a woman who remains in this type of relationship., Does he think I love him or is he taking advantage of me intentionally?
#4 About 4 months ago I suggested to him , seriously and rather strongly (not Bluffing) that we should end our relationship because I want a husband and a commitment and he does not truly seem to want that. His response was " You know I don't want this relationship to end". I love you but I am not sure that I want to marry you.
Okay. I am not nearly perfect but I will tell you that I have remained faithful as in no sex & little contact with other men while in a distance relationship with my current boyfriend..he and I talk everyday...about everything. He did just come visit me but I feel that he is still looking for something better. I am the best that he will find in this world. I have been there for him, constant & even when he strayed away with someone he met online I told him I loved him and wanted to continue our relationship.
Now he still seems uncertain. After completing Tech school he accepted a job hours from his family and even further from me..
he lives alone in a one br apt. by choice constantly buying nick nacks and getting furniture from friends to make his place a home.
I am hurt but also a little bothered by the fact that his plans don't seem to include me & I wouldn't be on this website if I weren't ready to give up.
Mostly I don't understand how he won't let me go when it looks as if he doesn't want to commit to me as a husband. I have a daughter who deserves a real father in her life. He comes here, seems to care about her . Treats us great and stays in my home,in my bed. Then gets to the airport and begins to act distant .
His life seems to revolve around his friends , most of whom are married or in relationships themselves.
I don't want to be too lengthy with this. Just trying to better understand what is going on with our relationship.
Thank You :)
I don't suppose my relationship can be salvaged and it breaks my heart because I will continue to love him. If you are in a relationship with someone who loves you and you know you love them. Imagine your life without that person. Be honest enough with them to tell them and don't waste their precious time.
Most Helpful Opinions
1. Either he doesn't want to be married to you or anyone fullstop or he doesn't know if he's ready for marriage or doesn't know if he wants to marry you.
Because of Q2. you'd have to ask him what his intentions of staying with you are, what are his ideals? Does he want to stay with you and never get married because he just doesn't like being married? Find out his reasons.
4. He's full of sh*t. Sorry.
Really sorry if that was harsh but it's really not going anywhere. He's taking you for granted and he honestly doesn't care, he is also not making an effort, not even a decent one. He shouldn't be with someone like you - someone who is so commited. This relationship is too one-sided.
That was not too harsh. Don't worry. I sense your concern & its nice to hear someone's heart in their words. I only wish I didn't agree with you;(. He claims the trip here is an effort. I always consider it a big deal with the distance he comes to visit but it feels like the run around. I don't like to feel taken advantage of, just didn't want to overreact. In the past he's called me jealous. Partly he was correct but mostly he was selfish. Taking trips w/o me. Expecting me to wait. That hurt too
Seriously this guy is playing with your tail! These guys always have that same pattern going on for them. It's all talk and telling you you're overreacting or jealous or whatever they can say to make it seem like you're in the wrong.
The clearest way I can say this without a huge detailed explanation is: you can feel his true emotions - that he's not treating you right.
The reason why you're still with him is because you have a lot of loyalty, commitment and determination but you have to remem
ber to respect yourself and if you have a lot to offer please do not waste it on someone who doesn't even know what a treasure you are.
Please go to a man who will notice who you are and love you for who you are. Do not put up with this guy for the sake of being good to him.
Oh and please do not think that just because he might praise you that he really cares about it or realizes it. I was in the same situation and that guy is still going on about what a treasure he thinks I am and that he cannot love anyone else. It's all bs and he has no idea what he's talking about.
OMG! He's said something like that to me before & He keeps saying that if our relationship were to end he would probably not date again& that he would always love me. It seems as if something is missing in his mind?!? Almost as if he wants it to end but fights to keep it going. He says we have been working so hard on this relationship it would be a shame to let go now...indecisive..I believe its BS too;(
Yes, I am 100% certain there is something missing in his mind LOL I mean.. I'd want to call this guy (my ex) a psychopath because I can't think of a better word... something loose, something missing, someone crazy, someone obsessively strange and for no good reason.. ya know? That sort.
When I say he still says he cannot love anyone else, I'm talking 7 years later so please do yourself a HUGE favour and get away because your guy seems really similar to the guy of my... well the guy thatstalksme
OMG! I am so sorry. Please be careful . I will definitely keep that in mind. Maybe the distance is a blessing because he tells me that he would not want to give up being near his family , friends or his home there.
I am not gonna try to convince him to do it on my account.
Thank You again. Goodnight
haha uh.. it sure helps (he's of a distance too). Sometimes that's not so good because if he was HERE, I'd have a restraining order against him already but since he's not... I feel like there's nothing I can do about it but have him pester me with any means he can find.
Of all the things I was told yesterday concerning my boyfriend. I only relayed this following to him via text "Someone told me that I am just your pen pal you bang now and then, what do you think about that?" I sent that at 11pm. He was driving back to his apt. I text him again at 12:44 a.m. to ask if he'd made it home yet. He responded at 4:17 with "Yes, Goodnight". nothing more to this very moment...and no "good morning" text this morning either.
Tonight at 6:30 my boyfriend who only this weekend was telling me he loved me text me this" I got your messages, I'm still upset about the penpal messages and don't feel like talking to you."
I told him that I'd expected him to deny it or explain but he redirects blame on me for someonelse's observation. He then responded " with that he'd text me prior to that. Since then he hasn't text or called. Its now past midnight. I can't stop crying. Part of me regrets sending the text but shoud I really?
I wouldn't have bothered telling him someone elses observation because it sounds like you can't make up your mind and have been talking bad about him. I would have said it as your own observation but nevermind, you've said something that you're meant to stick to, you said it because that's also how you feel. You said it because that's how it is, not because you wanted to provoke him (or at least I hope you weren't). No point regretting what you've sent, there was a point to it after all. What do
you want to do now?
I'd hoped he would respond with a phone call & tell me how untrue that is. I'd hoped his eyes would open to how this looks to an outsider & consider how much I've been hurting but instead he responded that way, a pretty selfish response I think & he still hasn't called me. His only responses are dodging me. It seems he didn't care enough about my feeling to discuss it. I am going to do my best not to contact him now. Now I really feel its true & feel used. The truth sends him into seclusion.
Yeah, it's the typical lack of care response that you've seen throughout this whole thing. This guy isn't worth anyone's relationship time. He's only out for himself.
Trying to get any attention, care or explanation out of him is only going to drain you and take you no where. In this situation you have to ignore all his behavior and reasoning and move on as an already separated person who doesn't need closure from him. In this case you have all the closure you need within yourself.
Thanks I began to feel bad about offending him with what I said. That is still no excuse him to cut me off like this. You are right he has acted this way before & blamed me when I mentioned it. Blamed me when I expected more from the relationship after two years! He never denied anything only responded with "I'm sorry honey"..deer in headlight response! I am so mad at myself for trusting him after over a year, girl I was healed. Damn. I'll try to move on. Its as if you know him too! Really.
I really thought I was so messed up because I have a little jealous streak but for the entire two years he has used that against me going to Cancun with old friends not even inviting me over a year ago. Then starting to date online but telling me he wasn't sure & that I'd pushed him away. That was a horrible time. We'd been through all that. He ended it got a ticket to see me. I told him I wasn't ready. Finally we got close again & he came out last month, he said we needed to keep working on us..
Shock him with how you leave, "be the one that got away". :P If he can do that to you, why not do what's best for you and also in a way that stings him at the same time. 'She left just like that?'
I've never regretted leaving a person after they've already left me emotionally. The first time it took years, the next time I was a lot smarter. I left him in a nice way and we cut contact quickly and it was over and done with, no hard feelings. Sometimes the idiots will chase you, sometimes the less
of an idiot won't. (We're not talking about good guys here anyway) No matter what they do, how they react, it's always best that we leave them because they're not ready for commitments. :) It will always be better for us, even if we are single.
Trust me, it's a good move and you will feel happier. You will be content because of who you are, not because of what someone makes you. You're you and you've got great character. Be loyal to someone who is loyal. Look out for what you deserve. :]