Ladies how would you feel if your boyfriend didn’t get you a birthday card?

[Anonymous]

I am not in any way shape or form saying he should have bought me something. I don’t care about things like that. I am a very down to earth person and it’s the little things that matter to me. My boyfriend does landscaping for a living and in the winter he does snow removal/ice etc. It hasn’t snowed hardly at all where I’m from and he hasn’t been working this winter. Also no unemployment because it’s his dads business and it’s under the table pay. He has made it known to me he’s stressed about it and worried about his money situation etc. I didn’t even think once “oh I wonder if he’s going to get me a gift” because I know he’s struggling and I wouldn’t expect him to regardless. He told me that he’s really sorry he couldn’t do anything for my birthday or Valentine’s Day and he promises he’s going to make it up to me etc. My bestfriend thinks this is a bunch of BS because he just went to the casino with his mom and grandma a few days ago. So she said “he can go to the casino but can’t spend $1 on a birthday card and write something cute in it”? I see her point yes and now I’m overthinking it like crazy. I will add…this man is incredibly kind to me, he constantly travels an hour and a half to visit me every single week, and always includes me in his future plans. he's also very anxious and overthinks everything as well and im the first relationship he’s had in 8 years. I kind of feel like he just isn’t used to having a girlfriend and gets nervous etc but my bestfriend just thinks he’s lowkey selfish and doesn’t think of me when it comes to holidays/birthdays. He DID buy me Christmas gifts but my friend is stuck on “he’s just an asshole”. So I don't know if it’s worth saying anything to him because I don’t want to seem like a jerk or hurt his feelings and make him feel bad about his situation. I feel like he is truly the one but now I’m worried and I don’t want to screw this up by making something that’s not a big deal a big deal. So I just need someone else’s advice.

[Guy13]

I hear you and you are a sweet woman. How about this... Go outside and find a daffodil patch and some 4 leaf clovers. Tell him to cut them while standing with you. The little white head flowers with clovers or daffodils... Take them from him and say, "Happy Birthday to me" Kiss him of course... I mean i am a guy. you must do that as positive reinforcement.

[Dragonstarterplus]

After a while don't you just get tired of cards though especially bland generic ones?

Like I've gotten soo many cards for Birthdays, Valentine's, Anniversaries, Christmas over my life they can barely mean anything except on rare occassions

[Asker]

Oh absolutely I think my friends point was well if he can’t afford to do something for your birthday he could of at least got a card and wrote something cute in it to kind of make up for it. So her saying that just got me thinking a lot and I’m honestly confused on how I should feel about it.

[Dinklex3]

I wouldn’t care, lol.

As long as he remembers my birthday and makes time me for me, we’re good.

Your boyfriend even went the extra step and communicated his concerns with you. Don’t focus on how your friend feels, focus on how YOU feel about it. Does it really bother you, or not?

[Dinklex3]

Oh. And stick up for you man and set some boundaries. Especially if that’s your best friend.

[Asker]

I think the only reason why it made me a little sad not getting a card is because my last relationship was very unhealthy and toxic. So I feel like I’m just craving that cute romantic shit because I’ve never experienced it. He is very sweet I just don’t think he really knows how to be romantic if that makes sense. But yeah my friend made me feel worse for sure.

[devilish-cutie]

dont blindly listen to your friend but ysf as you know him better butdont lie to ysf if there are any dubts those should be cleared. So the main issue is if he is going to casino and has gambling addiction, thats the only issue you may consider

[WaterIsland]

Totally agree. The gambling part of this story is the only major red flag. Friends can give good advice because they aren’t as emotionally attached to situations. But you have to take their advice with a grain of salt and also really think about the counter case.