AITA - girlfriend asked if I could fake a sick day for her birthday, I told her that I couldn't?

Question

I (m31) am a school teacher and she (f33) works in tech though works from home 4 days a week. So her birthday was midweek and she asked me if I could take a sick day so we could do something on her actual bday. I told her that I would love to spend the day with her but in my current job even taking genuine sick days are a real pain. I have to create the cover work and resources for each lesson, writae detailed instructions and print everything off for the cover teacher. Once I return from illness I invariably have to teach the same lessons again as the cover teachers often fail to motivate the students to do any work. Having a sick day is more hassle than it is worth and I only take them if I am very ill. It is not a case of simply texting or calling in, saying I am ill and thats that like my girlfriend does in her job.

I informed her that I was going to cook her food on the evening of her bday and that we would open her presents (I also bought her a cake as a surprise). We had previously planned to go out for a day on the following weekend. When I told her that I wouldn't be able to take a sick day I thought she would understand and accept that we would go out on the weekend instead.

Boy was I wrong. She berated me; telling me that I didn't care about her and that it was ridiculous that my job would not allow me a day off (we don't have the option to have random days off, we have predetermined school holidays and weekends). This shook me because I understood her proposing the idea but I never imagined that it was an order rather than a request. She also asked me if I had bought her a cake to which I stated I hadn't (as it was a surprise) and she again accused me of not caring and being selfish.

I understand that doing something on your actual bday is preferential to doing it later but she is a 33 year old woman and surely understands that this is not always possible. I oersonally feel. she was. immature but what do you think? Should I have taken the sick day?

GallopAcrossEurope · Accepted Answer

I mean yes, and no. Yes in that it was her special day and she wanted you to be a part of it, and no because you have a duty to teach. I think the latter in this case, unfortunately, is far more pressing since you're also talking about people's future. But you were right to tell her "Hey, I'd love to spend an entire day with you, just can't today."

... That said, I do think she is kinda right to be upset about no cake, as it often acts as a backup in these kind of cases "Hey, sorry I couldn't make it, but here's the cake for you to enjoy to let you know I remembered!" If my girlfriend, when swamped with college work, when I only told her once about my birthday once, and when our schedules didn't even align, still got me a cake so that at least I could pick it up, I think there is very little reason not to get one even when pressed for time.

DrPepper12 · Accepted Answer

Tell her to grow up!! She's 33 for Christs sake!! I am a teacher and I know exactly what you're talking about, You're better off going and even if you're dead. My friends and I always went to opening day baseball since we were in high school and when I started teaching they simply couldn't understand or fathom the idea that I couldn't take a day off.

Kelley1 · Accepted Answer

Your explanation is very logical and clearly you make every reasonable effort for her. You are fortunate you have discovered her narcissistic nature before you get more involved. Imagine how horrible it would be if you were married to her.

Smashingdoozy · Accepted Answer

No, she's being immature. Birthdays are important yes but she's a grown ass woman. The day itself doesn't matter, you can celebrate it and make it more special when there isn't the stress of work on your mind.

AviatorTom · Answer

You are definitely not an a%%hole and she us bring ridiculous to expect you can just take a dsy iff from work fir her. You plan to do reasonsble things gir her on her birthday. She us overly controlling, or at least attempts to be, putting herself above everything else. Be careful with her.

RingOfFire · Answer

You are right, she is wrong. She's the selfish one for wanting to put you through that unnecessarily since you have plans to do really nice things for her for her birthday even if some of it isn't exactly on that day.

She needs to rethink this one.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Save your sick leave for when you really need it. This isn't one of those times. girlfriend come and go. If she can't handle you not taking off for your birthday, then maybe you got the wrong one.

jamesgoldman · Answer

Not the aashole
Worrying that much about birthdays... you gotta leave her bud only way out of this mess

I take half my birthday off but you don't get customers that close to Christmas and also take half the next day of but that's my only time off
Even on holiday and hospital I've carried on working

spartan55 · Answer

Wtf? A sick day on your girlfriend's birthday? 100% FUCK THAT. You have a very selfish entitled SO. Women are so obsessed with their own birthdays it's insane.

exitseven · Answer

Asking you to play hookey from work was an unreasonable request justfor a birthday. I bedsheets would not do the same for you.

Staximus · Answer

Not everybody has the freedom to just take random days off from work. She should understand this, she's not a child. Tell her "welcome to real life" and that she's a selfish immature asshat.

strateguy632 · Answer

You did good , don't waste a sick day for that. She could make the party after work in evening. she was very immature in this case.

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

Seriously, find yourself a new girlfriend. That one is toxic.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

she is THIRTY FUCKING THREE and she's blowing this up?

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

NTA. Your situation is totally understandable.

MyBrainsInsaneReign · Answer

You're not an a**hole, you're just devoted to your job and your students.

Your girlfriend seems like kind of a lunatic, no offense. You might want to ask yourself if this relationship is really worth it.

Peridot25 · Answer

She’s the AH. If she was bummed out, that’s understandable. But, she’ll eventually get over it. Though what she said was over the line.

Crazzyyworld · Answer

she is having popularity contest with you. she want all the attention from you when she fail to get it somewhere else.

JesseP1nk · Answer

She is unreasonable if she would not understand that i would dump her. I dont have time for the drama.

Anonymous · Answer

You need to stop valuing your job over your loved ones. A job is for making money, not anything else. I think you should call in sick so you're the AH in this.

Pete671 · Answer

As a former teacher I agree with you 100%, she is being really selfish,,,

OddBeMe · Answer

Why is she so distrustful of you that she doesn’t beleive you tried?

LaurenM1997 · Answer

She’s selfish

MikeTheBartender · Answer

Dump her. Very unreasonable.

Anonymous · Answer

You're right. She's wrong.

AITA - girlfriend asked if I could fake a sick day for her birthday, I told her that I couldn't?

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