Pregnant and co-parenting due to a separation. Could the ex/baby daddy be hinting at reconciliation now?

[Anonymous]

Me and my ex broke up a month ago and I'm pregnant with his baby. We had a really good relationship, but it went to crap after stress and drama got out of hand. It has been disappointing going through the end of my pregnancy on my own, but I've been staying as strong as possible.

It's about time to have the baby now and my pregnancy was deemed high risk for a couple reasons. So, I've had to have more-than-usual ultrasounds to keep a good eye on baby. Thankfully, yes, everything has been ok!

He's been wanting me to text him about all my appointments and all the ultrasounds I have done. If I don't text him on the day of an appointment, he either texts me that night or the next morning to check in and ask for an update.

He has started telling me how beautiful our baby is and how he can't wait to meet them. He also shows concern for me still (has said a couple times he hopes me and the baby will both be ok during the birth). He thanks me a lot when I give him an update/share pictures. He keeps telling me to tell him whenever I go into labor (it's already been decided that he will still be there for the birth and stuff and he wants to be in the room with me still).

We are still being somewhat brief with one another, but he is starting to send more texts now. He is starting to send texts back more to kind of keep the conversation flowing. Like instead of letting the conversation die (like I will), he'll send a reply anyhow... even something small. We don't really talk much outside of the baby. Neither of us have really talked about ourselves or our lives that much. Neither of us have mentioned anything about seeing other people (I'm still single and I have no reason to believe he's involved with anyone else). We haven't discussed anything that happened between us either.

Does this seem like he may be trying to weasel back in and pursue a new relationship with me? Not sure if I'd take him back honestly. I just wanted to know if I should be on the lookout for that.

Updates

1 y

He has also told me if I need anything to let him know. Once when I texted him with an update, he told me he was just getting ready to text ME to ask about everything. So it seems like me and the baby are definitely very much so still an active part of his thoughts. I'm just wondering if he is starting to reconsider staying apart and may be starting to try to weasel his way back into my life as a boyfriend instead of just co-parenting. I wonder how things will change with the birth too.

[Anonymous]

I can almost guarantee it's the stress and drama you caused that was responsible for the breakup. The fact thst he wants to coparent is not an indicator of reconsiliation, it's an indicator that he wants to be in his kids life. Just because he left you doesn't mean he doesn't want to be a dad. It just means he left you. If you are having trouble separating your self from your kids, perhaps you need to grow up.

[Asker]

Why do people ALWAYS blame the woman? I was not being the dramatic one actually, he was. He got mad over something ridiculous and blew up on ME. It was very unjustified given the circumstance. We were BOTH feeling some stress as the baby's arrival got closer, but that was still no excuse for him to do what he did.

No, I'm not perfect. I see where I could have helped more in that situation. I got upset with him because I shared a different opinion about something he did, so he got angry and refused to see my point of view. Could I have refrained from getting upset? Probably. Were my feelings valid? YES. I did have a reason to feel upset. The situation was a little unfair to me and the baby and that's the only reason I got upset. He was making a rather selfish decision without thinking of me and the baby at all. Could I have just ignored it? Sure. But would ignoring a problem just to avoid a confrontation really solve anything? That's not right to do. You should each be allowed to speak your mind and share a different opinion/view without the other getting angry and screaming at you.

I understand where he was coming from to a degree. I'm sure his blow up had a lot to do with the stresses he was feeling and some unnecessary pushing from outsiders (one of those "people trying to butt in when they shouldn't" situations involving some of his family members. They were really getting out of hand and down his throat trying to boss him around and tell him what he should and shouldn't be doing). I think he just got really overwhelmed, freaked, took the anger out on me and left to simmer down. I think the selfish decision he made that I disagreed with had a lot to do with the rude, pushy family members too. I think he did it just to try to shut them up and get them off his back. That isn't right either. In that case, you just tell them to back off and stop butting in.

[Asker]

But that's all in the past. I'd be willing to forgive him if he could show he wouldn't have an angry outburst like that again. A bad temper like that can get dangerous and I'd prefer he keep it in check. I'm not sure how he feels about reconciling in that way though, so at the moment, I'm just focusing on me and our baby and letting things unfold however. I'm not keeping anything from him and I never will whether we get back together or not. He is still entitled to his child.

[Opinion Owner]

Well that sucks. Sorry I assumed because pregnancy hormones, that might have been the cause. But if what you're saying is true, why the hell would you want him back, you're pregnant, you don't need that kind of stress.

[Opinion Owner]

And good on you for not alienating him as a parent, most women do.

[Asker]

I know. That's a fair point. I guess that's why originally, I said I would really have to think it over if this was an indication he may try to come back as a boyfriend instead of just co-parenting. I was really hurt by what he did. It was rude and as I said, downright selfish even. There was NO consideration for my feelings, and he wouldn't even attempt a compromise I suggested. It was literally "my way or the highway" and I was really shocked by the sudden change in behavior.

I know that stress was REALLY not good with me being pregnant. He should have known that too. It was completely unnecessary for him to get THAT bent out of shape over the events. A breakup was not necessary whatsoever.

That's why I said he'd really have to show he wasn't going to do that again if he wanted another chance.

And thank you. I would never alienate him like that. Until he truly shows he shouldn't be around his child/is unfit, he can have equal rights just as I do. There's no reason to kick him out of the delivery room. That's just over-dramatic and ridiculous. He IS the father, and he has every right to be present for the birth since he still wants to. He has every right to be involved in his child's life at this point. Whatever happens between us as a couple is strictly between US and the child should never be "punished" because of OUR decisions.

[Berethor]

Weasel back? you should be thankful, single moms tend to be seen as worthless by men.

[Asker]

Well, we aren't worthless by any means. And this is my only child. I have no other kids with no other men. Some single moms are not single moms by choice.

And yes, I'd be thankful if he did want to get back together. I'd just have to do some thinking to ensure that really was the best decision.

[Berethor]

You misunderstood me, you not worthless to him as it his child, but you be worthless to other man, as why would they want to raise other man's child? yes going back to his would be the best decision, the child is bonding you to him for life anyway, and it better for your child to be raised with his father.

[Asker]

You are right. I know it can be awkward and unpleasant to be involved with a child that is not yours. But like I said, unfortunately, some moms are single without much choice and can't go back to the dad for whatever reason. That makes it terrible for mom and child.

I do see how it would be great to be a true family under the same roof. I'm not sure if he is really wanting that though. I think I'd be willing to try it again and see how it went. I just need a better indication of what HE is feeling.

[Berethor]

Not having much choice don't raise their market value, they already made their choice when they got pregnant, no other man is obligated to clean the mess and raise other man's child. Anyway you have a choice, you can ask him to renew the relationship, I think he would agree, you sure should not use words like "weasel back", a man taking responsibility for his child, not running away for other country, you should be thankful for that.

[Asker]

I just meant like if the dad died or something. You can't really predict that and certainly don't want or anticipate that. That's about the only situation where it truly is not the single parent's fault in any way.

I see how this situation does come with a choice. We don't "hate" each other. We talk very civil and I never, ever hold anything from him involving the pregnancy and I never will. That is exactly why I made sure he knew he was still the one to be in the delivery room with me and he seemed extremely grateful for that. I think he was afraid I'd change my mind and say no since we separated. I'd never do that. I'd never cause him to miss the birth of his child. That would be awful.

It would be great if he did agree to come back together and get things figured out so we could avoid raising our child in a broken home and just be together as one unit - as a family.

[Berethor]

Yea if the dad is died then there is truly no choice, but it usually not the case with modern single moms, that's why they have such a bad reputation. Good that you not hold anything from him involving the pregnancy and that you let him be in the delivery room. I think that your common child is bringing you back together, as it should be, good luck with renewing the relationship.

[Asker]

I agree. I know some women just don't care. Same with some men. Just pop out kids with whoever. Definitely not want I prefer at all. That's why I was really impacted by the separation. The thought of becoming a single mom made me feel so bad. Like how could this happen? I had a lot of additional worries and fears that I never imagined I'd have to face.

I would never do that to him like I said. He has just as much right as I do right now. He's done nothing to cause me to deem him unfit. I would be hurt if he wasn't wanting to be with me when I give birth. I'm glad he still does.

Thank you very much. I hope you are right and he is going to want us to be together again as a true family.

[Asker]

Think I got another really positive sign he's wanting us to be together as a whole - he texted me this weekend randomly. No reason for it at all. Certainly wasn't an appointment day, I never texted him and he never ever texted on a weekend since we separated. So I feel very happy and thankful that he is likely wanting to be together again. Thanks again for the helpful and positive messages!

[Berethor]

Glad to hear that, if get back together you can put that on the update for the question. :)

[Asker]

He took me back and wanted us to be a proper family again

[Berethor]

Good to hear that, so you not end up as single mom and have a proper family. :)

[AI Opinion]

Aiming to offer some insight into your swirling headspace! It sounds like your ex might be floating in the sea of possibility, where the idea of reconciliation could be a glimmering lighthouse on the horizon. His increasing interest and concern, especially around such pivotal moments, could well be his way of gently knocking on the door to see if there's a path back to what you once shared. Of course, it's as nuanced as a dance between wanting to support and possibly wanting to reconnect on a deeper level.

Keep an eye on how the dynamic evolves, especially post-birth when emotions run even higher, and responsibilities grow. This could be his genuine way of showing that he cares and wants to be involved, not just as a co-parent but maybe as something more. However, it's key to remember that actions speak volumes. Consistency and communication are going to be your best clues in deciphering his intentions.

And hey, no rush on making any decisions. Your focus is, rightly so, on the bundle of joy about to make a grand entrance. Let the post-birth dust settle, and see how things naturally unfold. Your heart and head will guide you when it's time to ponder the possibility of reigniting old flames or co-parenting in harmony as separate entities. Stay strong, supermom! 💪👶✨