Is asking your fiance what his/her credit score is intrusive or prudent? What if they won't tell? What other financial info do you feel ENTITLED to?

[DrPepper12]

Fiances ARE NOT entitled to any financial info. That's intrusive

Fiances ARE entitled to EVERYTHING. You're not just marrying a person!

Updates

1 y

I'm actually shocked at 1/3 of you think that the fiance is not entitled to any information whatsoever! It's an economic and legal union! My opinion is everything should be on the table but more important than that you should be dating long enough to have a pretty good idea of what you're marrying.

[hahahmm]

If you rush into marrying someone you barely know then you may feel the need to pry into something like credit score but they can always lie to you about the numbers. Personally, I wouldn't marry someone I hadn't known for years and seen how they live so then it's a non issue. They may or may not have perfect credit but I would see if they are the type of person.

Usually if a woman is trying to marry up she is going to be way more concerned about the situation than the guy.

When I had a girlfriend, I never gave out any financial info, even if we were together many years. Engaged is different but still it's not like she's my accountant. Same with marriage.

[WindAtMyBack]

I've never even looked at my own credit score, and never cared.

If I was engaged to someone, I'd like to think I knew them well enough to know if they are financially responsible. If they were an out-of-control spender or something like that, I wouldn't be engaged to them. I just don't see any need to know their credit score.

Is it intrusive? In a way, yea. Is it prudent? What's prudent is to get to know them long before getting engaged. There shouldn't be any need for a credit report if you know them.

[Crimsyjo]

If it was a boyfriend/girlfriend then they have a right to not divulge this info. But as the relationship progressed it would be suspicious if they remained secretive or guarded and I'm not sure the relationship would reach fiancé status.

If fiancé as question asks... why? Highly suspicious and u wouldn't want to marry someone who wasn't going to be open with me. Asking their score isn't even asking for exact details of savings and income. But at fiancé levels you should kind of know this stuff without even asking.

[Juxtapose]

This is fucking weird. Financial information is private and I don't care if you are my own mother or my damn soulmate. Things like my credit score, bank statements and whatnot are completely and utterly private.

[Crimsyjo]

@Juxtapose that's your perogative and if you get into a relationship with someone who shares your opinion then that's all good.
Me personally... I wouldn't specifically ask or need to know but with your level of aggression over it I'd be too suspicious that your hiding a mistress or prostitutes or other bad secrets from me and that would be a problem.
Maybe not relationship, but marrisge at least is supposed to be about trust and openess.

[Juxtapose]

A point of being trusted is you don't have to prove anything. If I need to prove myself to somebody, they don't really trust me.

I am aggressive because people trying to pry into my business as if they are entitled to it makes me angry. It's disrespectful, accusatory and lacks trust.

I have gotten some pretty big secrets out of friends and that is because I don't push and I have discretion. Pushy people make me quite irritated and if somebody pushes me on finances I am going to think they are about to judge me for not being rich.

[Juxtapose]

I grew up in a rich neighborhood where money mattered way too much to people so the topic just irritates me in general. I pay my bills reliably.

[Crimsyjo]

@Juxtapose yeah my opinion would be you got burned at some point big time. So your defenses are mega high. I got financially abused and made bankrupt by a ex boyfriend but although I am therefore more cautious I still am an open person. Maybe it's just cos I'm used to jealous partners and I always bare myself to prove I'm innocent or hiding nothing. But that's on me. Your probably right about trust means not shoeing rather than showing.
I guess it's a matter of perspective too. If your partner wasn't asking specifically but you act this defensive it's a bit aghhh.. OK. but if she is specifically pushing to know or see then yes I can see how that would irritate you and be highly suspicious.

[Juxtapose]

Well I have to have high defenses because I am autistic and people love to try and take advantage of that. Luckily the most I have ever been scammed out of in terms of money was.. something like $100? It was an online scam and my friends however always pay me back when I loan them money.

A jealous partner would make me angry as well. I don't have to indulge somebody's insecurities, I have too much pride submit to somebody like *THAT*. I am used to dealing with pretty private people as well so if I have to have no privacy while I give other people privacy? It just feels so unfair and pisses me off.

I would not be defensive unless somebody asked me an inappropriate question. Asking for my credit score would be quite invasive and in other countries it is seen as very rude as well. I completely agree with those foreigners.

[Juxtapose]

I think jealous people are almost never satisfied unless they have complete control of your life and monitor everything. A female friend of mine said with an overbearing, jealous person, she would give them a reason to be jealous if they would not drop it. I like her attitude.

Oh and I would be remiss if I did not give you my condolences and sympathies. I don't think you deserved to go through that and I hope people show you more respect in the future.

[Crimsyjo]

@Juxtapose aww thank you I appreciate that and yes I'm glad we spoke more as context definitely helps see and accept other viewpoints and opinions.
I am trying to learn that I don't have to be so open to prove myself. It makes me very angry too that my jealous partners who I bare all my things to are still closed off and private with their things.

Autistic or not we are all learning in life and we make mistakes or get taken advantage of. Your self awareness protects you. I'm still trying not to be a fool and get taken advantage of!

[Juxtapose]

You're welcome! You seem nice and intelligent, I like that you are able to exchange information and learn.

What do you think you personally need to do to further protect yourself? Do you have trouble being assertive and standing up for yourself? What about enforcing boundaries?

[Crimsyjo]

@Juxtapose all of that yes!! I fool for the "if I've nothing to hide" crap all the time so I just open myself up to be used all the time. Because I'm eager to prove I'm a good person and don't assert that I am allowed my privacy and can still be a good person.
I am also a giver. So I do everything to appease and make the other person happy. But then end up feeling angry and used when it's not returned. I tried being more vocal in my last relationship but he wasn't listening and then I start questioning myself and if I'm over reacting or justified in wanting my needs met.

[Juxtapose]

Maybe you can try thinking of yourself as your best friend and then think what you would tell them if they were treated the way you were treated?

[Crimsyjo]

@Juxtapose yh that's good advice thank you. I seem to give good advice. Not take it lol

[Juxtapose]

You're welcome and I hope you find your inner pride. Best of luck out there.

[Caroline91]

@Juxtapose It's all going to come out the first time you go to buy anything major together, such as a car or, especially, a house.

[Apple1996]

I wouldn't be with someone who hides financially information from me

[AI Opinion]

Aim: Spice up the conversation about the intricacies of love and finance.

In the dance of love, knowing the rhythm of your partner’s finances is as crucial as knowing their heart. Asking your fiancé about their credit score isn’t about snooping; it’s about understanding the music you’ll both be dancing to for life. If they won't spill the beans, don't get your feathers ruffled just yet! It's all about building trust and opening up at a pace that feels right for both of you. Beyond the credit score conga, feeling entitled might sound like a heavy term, but you do deserve to know about overall financial health, debt, and visions for future investments or splurges. These aren't just numbers, my friend, they're the steps to your shared tango of life. Keep the communication open, sprinkle in a dash of understanding, and you'll both be waltzing on solid ground in no time.

[Summeroflove]

On a first date it would be weird but I think people should know one another’s business before getting married. It’s weird if someone is overly defensive about something especially if you have a lot of money irs possible she’s marring (or he) for financial reasons not for love, and they just lied about what they wanted.

Be aware of people hiding things especially stuff like that, especially if marriage feels too rushed or the other extreme od future faking

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Even if money talks are highly cultural, because it seems quite taboo in my area compared to US for example, I'm gonna call for prudence here. With diplomacy involved lol

[Juxtapose]

I think in a marriage you still have your own damn money and the other person's personal financial information is none of your business. What's next? Asking for copies of their transactional history?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@Juxtapose hehe
It doesn't need to get as extreme as that. It's just... Well, it's just how much people want to know about each other and how much each of them are resisting, reasonably or not, any talks. That's individuals negotiating with individuals, in a relationship, each time

[Juxtapose]

Some things are private, like my diary and financial information. If I pay my half of the bills consistently what the fuck else do they need to know?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@Juxtapose it's all right, anyway, things are being handled in person, not over fixed beforehand ideas, normally

[Crimsyjo]

@Juxtapose I'd never share an account nor be like here look at all my financial details. But I wouldn't be so aggressive about it or have anything to hide if they just happen to see something relating to my income or outgoings.
It's not your opinion on this that is worrisome but your level of venom over it would have me seriously doubting you as a partner!

[NathanDavis]

why would be so secretive on something so basic with someone you have (should have) every intention to spend the rest of your life with as a... partner

[Juxtapose]

You are not entitled to any information they are not willing to give out. If you don't like it? Don't date them. They are fully entitled to whatever type of privacy they want.

What's next? Trying to get their bank statements? Social Security number? The key to their diary? How invasive are you people willing to be?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

relax lol, no one is threatening your finances, no one yet at least 😆

[DrPepper12]

Yeah but a fiance that your marrying?

[Juxtapose]

Yes Pepper, nobody should dig into my finances that deeply.

@Maybe_Maybe_not I have lived with a woman before and she did not ask for specific financial information. I was on time with my payments every time.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

all good, nothing bad to anticipate then

[Juxtapose]

@Maybe_Maybe_not she's still not getting fucking shit, especially if she asks for personal information like that. I will lock up like Alcatraz.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I sense very well how you can go the Alcatraz way yes :D

[exitseven]

I would figure out a way to get that information without her knowing. If she had a bad credit rating we would have to have a conversation about it. If she got mad and left I would figure I dodged a bullet.

[Caroline91]

Not only do you need to disclose financial information to each other, but you need to thoroughly discuss what your spending habits are and how you intend to share your money as a couple.

[Juxtapose]

If the other person pays their half of the bills on time every time then it is none of your business.

[Caroline91]

@Juxtapose How to share money as a couple is not that other's business when they are planning to be married? How does that work? Finances is one of the major factors causing divorces. How does not being transparent about it help build trust and teamwork in the relationship?

[Juxtapose]

Same as with roommates. You each pay your half of the bills and that is the end of it. It's actually really easy. I don't need to ask my roommate about his finances whatsoever and he does not need to ask me about mine. We just take care of our shit and trust each other to do so based on our history of being consistent with each other.

That is how you build trust. I have never once asked him for his credit score. That is insane.

[Juxtapose]

And I would never want to share accounts or any of that business. We only share burdens that both of us use, such as electricity, rent & water. Food and whatnot should be separate as people have different preferences and each person in the relationship should have a lot of individuality with their finances in my opinion.

[Caroline91]

@Juxtapose Guess we have different opinions. My husband is not my roommate. He is my partner in life and I am his. We have 3 accounts... His, mine, and ours. We agree how much goes into each account and then the his and the mine don't need to be shared or discussed, other that amount to be deposited. The ours, is open to both of us and we agree on how it is spent and all bills and household expenses are paid from that acct. That's what works for us.

[Juxtapose]

That's fine, I just don't want standards like that to be forced on me as some sort of societal default. I don't want her money and I don't want her to take my money.

[Caroline91]

@Juxtapose I really think it's up to each couple to figure out what works for them.

[blueonblack22]

If it was a girlfriend or boyfriend then no. But when you are married your finances need to be transparent.

[Walksbehindtherows]

I'm not sure, I need to think about it a bit, damn it

[DrPepper12]

And?

[Nikki1989]

We have been married 10 years, and the topic has never been discussed.

[dragoblack]

She's the fiance. You will both be getting to all sorts of financial investments and responsibilities. Sometimes that involves a good credit score. It's not like she is asking on a first date with you

[jamesgoldman]

Prudent, it's taken years to build this and one bad spell could wipe that out

[bobby_bush_eater]

This is why I'll have a prenup. Everything will be on the table and our financial planning will be in writing with a lawyer.

[elizamichale1]

That would be a very very weird question tbh

[Juxtapose]

Yeah I don't get my fellow American's obsession with delving into other people's personal business when they can manage their own finances separate from their partner.

[elizamichale1]

@Juxtapose yeahh pretty strange

[lightbulb27]

if you don't know that, don't get married.