Relationships

ODD and husband?

Hi all—I am here today to ask what I should do… my husband and I both have ADHD, but he has ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) on top of it. Because of my ADHD, I tend to lose things around the house or forget what I was doing (roomba cleaning style). That being said, I am able to manage most of my symptoms and forgetfulness with lists, notes, and casual reminders. My husband doesn’t seem to be able to use the same methods. So, as a result, he is frequently late to work (if he is super late once more, he will be fired) and forgets to do his chores around the house (trash and cat litter). I refuse to do his two chores and will instead remind him or ask him to do them, but he turns around, looks right at me and says, “Nope, not going to do it now that you asked me to.” That’s his ODD at work. For example, I asked him to take care of the trash on Thursday. The above phrase was used on Saturday when I reminded him of what I asked. I’m probably going to take it out myself here in a few minutes. It’s Sunday now.

I try to be polite when I ask him to do something and say please and thank you… I work 50-55 hours a week between my two jobs while he works 35-40 hours. I can’t do everything, but I don’t know what to do… I know a few months ago he said he didn’t understand why I was so tired all the time and unable to keep up on everything because I have “desk jobs” and so it isn’t “really working…” He sort of apologized for that one, but followed it up by saying “his mom could always do it, but he forgot that she worked her job from home.”

I know I’m not perfect by any means… sometimes I don’t do the dishes until the next day. I know I can have a temper when I feel like something is unjust, though I am careful not to use that towards him. And I don’t “put out” much unless he asks because it’s painful every time we do anything sexual…

I know everyone has their faults, me included… but I just don’t know what to do…. Thoughts?

ODD and husband?
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