Is it really expected for couples that’ve been together for a while to fight a lot?

[Anonymous]

I know every couple’s dynamic is different & what may seem dysfunctional or not the usual for some might actually work for others. My mom and her boyfriend have been together since I was 8 (over 20 years) and almost the whole time they’ve been together, they get in verbal fights where they’re cursing each other out a lot/insulting etc. They bounce back quickly enough tho, another thing I’ll add is my mom is the breadwinner. This has always been the case, she makes the money & he takes care of everything else. He is very useful when it comes to handy things, has a ged but has a criminal record (he can’t work bc if the govt. tracks him then he’ll get caught for unpaid child support). She nitpicks at him a lot & he reacts, plus I know he can say ignorant crap that gets her heated too. It goes both ways, I know people looking in think they might sound miserable or that setup is messy but I do genuinely believe they actually love each other. Is this something that I’d want for myself? Absolutely not but I guess never say never? Is it normal for couples to get that heated with each other often? The thing is: my mom always comes across as positive and seems content. I can’t tell if it’s for the sake of her kids or maybe she’s really in a good place with this guy

Yes

No

[AI Opinion]

Spicy question here! Fighting like cats and dogs can actually be some couples' love language. Seriously, though, love doesn't always look like a fairytale. Your mom and her boyfriend seem to have found their own unique dance, bumpy as it might be. It's like they thrive on the bicker-and-makeup cycle, keeping the flame alive. While it's not everyone's cup of tea, what matters most is if they both feel respected and valued. Would you want that drama for yourself? Well, perhaps not, but remember: One person's red flag is another's relationship glue! 🤪 Keep an eye on that balance, and if she's content, maybe that's their brand of "happily ever after."

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Fighting is not something to be shamed in a relationship of any kind. As two people grow and change, sometimes that means a clashing of ideas. It’s not that it’s expected, just that it’s normal to fight. It’s not an immediate sign of dysfunction to fight with your significant other, what is a sign of dysfunction is how the fighting is handled in the aftermath. How well does each person take accountability, how long do you hold a grudge, how well each communicates with the other, etc. and obviously if someone is unwilling to take accountability, hold a grudge for too long, and refuses to communicate properly, that’s pretty dysfunctional.