Should a relationship that is strong enough and long enough be able to work through infidelity Disagreement with boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

So recently, a friend of mine and her boyfriend broke up after 7 years because she made a mistake one night while he was out of town for work and slept with another guy, and although she confessed, and was sorry, her boyfriend broke up with her immediately.

I told my boyfriend of 3 years about it, and he said "good for him!" and I asked him what he meant by that and he said "there's no taking back a cheater" and I said "even after seven years?" and he says "I wouldn't care if it was 70 years, cheating is an instant dump".

We argued back and forth, and I said it makes me doubt our relationship if he could dump me instantly for cheating, and he said "it's simple, don't cheat" and I said that sometimes, things happen, people make mistakes, and we argued more and now we aren't speaking to each other.

I think his view is too black and white, but he refuses to back down or listen. I believe a strong, long term relationship should be able to work through anything.

Thoughts?

Oh, and don't waste time just telling me what a horrible person I am, please answer the actual question.

[OlderAndWiser]

"So recently, a friend of mine and her boyfriend broke up after 7 years because she made a mistake one night" How was it a MISTAKE? She knew what she was doing, right? Calling it a mistake is a word game to try to relieve of her responsibility and make it sound like it's not so bad. This is the thing that you are supposed to NEVER do if you are in a committed relationship. NEVER. And everyone knows that.

If your boyfriend fucked your cute little sister one night, but he only did it once, would you let him off the hook because it was a "mistake?"

"although she confessed, and was sorry, her boyfriend broke up with her immediately." I would have done that, too. She confessed because she felt guilty and she wanted to jettison some of the guilt by confessing; most cheaters do that so they can feel better about what they have done. She's "sorry?" So fucking what? Suppose that I intentionally broke your right arm and then I said, "I'm sorry." Does that make it okay?

"We argued back and forth, and I said it makes me doubt our relationship if he could dump me instantly for cheating," So. . . are you planning on cheating? Is that why you are concerned?

"he said "it's simple, don't cheat" He's right. It's just that simple. Never expose yourself to the temptation, walk away as soon as an opportunity arises, and you will never cheat. In fact, there are PLENTY of people who go through their entire life without ever cheating.

"I said that sometimes, things happen," No, cheating doesn't "just happen." It's not like you are sitting there, minding your own business, and the next second, you're in bed, naked, with some guy giving you a poke.

"people make mistakes," Cheating doesn't happen because of a mistake. 'Oh, he looked just like my boyfriend and I thought it was him. I didn't know it was somebody else." THAT would be a mistake, but it never happens like that.

"we argued more and now we aren't speaking to each other." If you aren't committed to being faithful to him, just be honest with him and go your separate ways amicably.

"I think his view is too black and white," Morality is usually black and white. That's the way morals work.

"he refuses to back down or listen." The fact that he disagrees with you doesn't mean that he is not listening.

"I believe a strong, long term relationship should be able to work through anything." So, you gonna tell him to go fuck your little sister and, don't worry, the two of you will just work through it later?

"don't waste time just telling me what a horrible person I am, please answer the actual question." I answered the question and I haven't called you a horrible person, but it does sound like you and your boyfriend are not a good match. The fact that you two disagree doesn't mean he is wrong; it just means you aren't a good match. You should recognize that now and cut your losses.

[admles]

Your boyfriend is objectively 100% right.

Infidelity is a deal breaker, no matter the length or strength of the relationship.

After all, if you could cheat, your commitment to it can't be that strong.

Also, cheating is not "making a mistake", it's a deliberate action you chose.

Stop making excuses for cheaters. Your friend's boyfriend was absolutely right to end it with her.

TBH, I won't be surprised if your boyfriend breaks up with you over this, as you've clearly shown that cheating could be a possibility for you.

[Crimsyjo]

I understand things may happen. They really really shouldn't. But that's like future unknown event. I totally get where your boyfriend is coming from and yes it's black and white thinking but I don't think it's unreasonable at all.

Just the fact that you are almost saying it's OK to cheat (that's what i hear abd what he is hearing) by now, in this moment, condoning a future undone act means your already one step in that direction and in my opinion more likely to do so if intoxicated or some such situation.

You should be saying "absolutely no way would I cheat."

I think you owe your boyfriend an apology... and a lot of reassurance!

I know you sympathise with your friend and all that effort of seven years being thrown away. But I'm sorry, she really brought it up in herself. You don't have to call her out on it (she feels bad enough I'm sure) but you can also stick to your own morals of not condoning it. Maybe her boyfriend will come round. That's between them.

But seriously... damn girl. Don't screw up your relationship over this!

I'm promiscuous single but I 100% believe in monogamy in a relationship. There really isn't an excuse.

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[AI Opinion]

Infidelity is a hot topic, and you're not alone in wondering how it affects a relationship. Relationships are like fine wines; they need care and time to mature. 🍷 Trust is crucial, and while it's great to believe in forgiveness, not everyone is on the same page. Your boyfriend sees infidelity as a deal-breaker, and that's a valid stance. Maybe try focusing on shoring up that trust bank now, so you never have to cross that bridge! 💔 But remember, every relationship has unique boundaries and deal-breakers. Let's keep those love bombs coming without any unwanted explosions! 😘

[Orion84]

If a relationship is "strong enough" then there wouldn't BE any infidelity.

If someone break's their partner's trust, and betrays them like that: fuck 'em. I have zero sympathy for cheaters. Good for him for dumping that slag.

You can't cheat on someone, and then expect their forgiveness. The cheater screwed up, and they have to live with the consequences. No second chances. If you don't want to get dumped, don't fucking cheat.

[BonzoInBitburg]

I agree with you boyfriend and I would probably dump you for thinking I should take you back if you cheat. It is black and white and there's no grey area with cheating. My exwife and I were together for 30 years. She cheated and was gone. There's no coming back after cheating

[NamerOfStars]

People do, indeed, make mistakes- but that's not what cheating is. Forgetting the tortilla chips he wanted at the store is a mistake. Machine washing his dry-clean-only shirt is a mistake. Having sex with another person while you're supposed to be monogamously pair-bonded to HIM is a betrayal.

It shouldn't make you doubt your relationship; it's a sign that he's committed- clearly, he takes it VERY seriously. Why else would it matter so much to him?

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[sawno]

The problem is that disloyalty often can't be resolved anymore. If you are unfaithful it nullifies the promise that founded the relationship. For most relationships thats the game over.

[LiamJHayden]

"she made a mistake one night"

She chose to cheat and is now reaping what she sowed.