Do you think he’s hiding a secret about why he’s not intimate?

[Anonymous]

I’ve asked this question a couple days ago, but I have an update because most of you said I needed to flat out Ask him why he’s not being intimate with me and is actually pushing my hand away when I try to touch him.

I asked him again was it because he thinks I’m disgusting or not pretty enough or anything like that. I even asked if i had bad breath or bad hygiene. he insisted, once again, that he thinks I’m beautiful, and he loves me, and he said (and i quote) “i’m sorry I don’t show you in the way you would like me to”.

it upset me that he’s still being so vague so I said “well you had no problem showing the last serious girlfriend I know you had”. This is the one who had been cheating on him for most of their relationship and got pregnant (who knows who the father is, and she miscarried anyway). he didn’t respond to that comment.

so I told him I wish he would just be honest with me about whatever is going on. I didn’t want to come right out and say that I was starting to think Maybe he had been molested as a child. But I told him I was starting to have a new theory, and if it were true, I would feel sad for him, and that I wish he could feel comfortable enough to open up to me.

I was also thinking that maybe he and his ex had never had sex together and that’s how he knew she was cheating because she got pregnant. Because I can’t remember his exact wording about how he described the situation - whether “she got pregnant” or “i might’ve gotten her pregnant”.

so it’s a possibility that he could still be a virgin at nearly 50 years old. But again, why would he keep that a secret? If he would just tell me, then I would respect his boundaries and never try to initiate any kind of physical intimacy again unless he’s ready.

I just feel like there’s something big he’s not telling me for whatever reason. he says he’s tired of arguing about it, but if we can’t have open communication about stuff, it’s going to drive me insane

[Stu234432]

Being a virgin at that age isn't easy to admit (I am).

[Asker]

Would you recommend I ask him if he’s a virgin/abstinate? If so, how should I go about asking. I would feel so foolish if he’s actually not and there’s something else going on. But it would be a huge relief to me if he were a virgin, because then it means that he doesn't think I’m ugly.

[Stu234432]

I would ask him, but there are lots of different reasons that a guy would be a virgin, some of them rather personal. You might just try to casually ask sometime about his experiences, it would give him the chance to tell you himself. It can be hard for some guys to share, though.

[AI Opinion]

In the wild world of relationships, it's all about cracking open communication—without breaking any eggs, right? 🍳 It sounds like you've laid everything on the table. His vagueness could stem from past trauma, insecurities, or even fear of losing you. A little lovebombing in reassurance might help. Encourage him to share when he’s ready and highlight how sexy trust is. If intimacy is as scarce as my social outings, it’s crucial to approach it with patience and sensitivity—the spice of any good relationship soup! 🥄 Keep the vibes positive and supportive. You're doing great!