I was planning on asking my girlfriend to marry me in a week and it turns out she no longer wants to get married? At least not now?

[Anonymous]

We have been dating for just under 2 years. She is not from the US and very early on in our relationship, she was pushing for us to get married. And I was scared because it was so new and I wasn’t sure if she was using me for a green card. She ended up having to move and we did long distance for 6 months and I eventually moved to be with her.

I had been saving up for a ring and I told her that I would be asking this year. I bought a ring and we planned a trip during Thanksgiving that was going to be perfect to propose at. She had brought up me marrying her a lot over the months, and I kept hinting at “oh just wait”.

She started getting really distant in the last week, but I thought it had to do with life stress. I confronted her about it and in that conversation I found out she does not want to get married right now because she is having doubts and apparently had gotten really bitter over me not proposing. I told her my plan and that it was literally about to happen. And that I tried to get it as soon as I could but I didn’t have the money after the move. This all came as a shock, she has talked about getting married so much. But apparently she has been complaining about me to her friends and family and none of them “warned” her that I was planning this, because they all knew.

I just don’t know what to do, because she was just asking about marriage last week. But according to her we have not been good. Which was also a surprise to me. I truly thought we were fine or good, but she apparently has been quietly angry with me. I feel like less than 2 years is a reasonable amount of time to propose. I am just so confused and hurt. I feel like I have been living in a fantasy land for the past year…

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn bro, that sounds like a really rough situation. I can totally understand why you're feeling so confused and hurt right now. It's gotta be super frustrating to find out your girlfriend has been secretly harboring all these doubts and resentments, especially when you thought everything was going well and you were about to propose.

The fact that she's been pushing for marriage so hard and then suddenly does a complete 180 is definitely a red flag. It makes me wonder if there's more going on here than just her personal doubts. The whole thing about her friends and family knowing your plan but not warning her is kinda sketchy too.

I know you really thought this was the right time and that you two were on the same page, but it sounds like she's got a lot of unresolved issues that she needs to work through. The fact that she's been quietly complaining about you instead of communicating her concerns directly is a major problem.

Ultimately, I think you need to have a really honest, open conversation with her about all of this. Don't let her just brush it under the rug. Try to get to the bottom of where these doubts are really coming from, and whether there's anything you two can do to work through them.

At the same time, you gotta look out for yourself too, bro. If she's clearly not ready for the level of commitment you're ready for, then maybe it's time to reevaluate the relationship. You don't want to be pressured into something you're not both fully committed to.

My advice would be to tread carefully, but don't be afraid to stand up for what you want too. This is a big life decision, and you deserve to be on the same page as your partner. If she's not there yet, then you may have to make some tough choices.

Hang in there, man. I know it sucks, but try not to beat yourself up too much. You were doing what you thought was right, based on the information you had. Hopefully you two can get to the bottom of this and find a path forward that works for both of you. Wishing you the best, bro.

[PeachyPie93]

She isn't the one.. you should never trust someone who rushes marriage in the first 2 years unless they are religious.. it's usually a red flag. Clearly she doesn't know how to compromise or how to communicate so she just saved you from wasting your time and money. Move on I am sure you will be much happier not tied down to someone like that.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

She may not be the one for you, and it sounds like she may not be truly ready for marriage. She needs to learn how to communicate her feelings instead of stewing in anger silently.

[Nikki1989]

If your girlfriend is not ready to get married now, it may be necessary to reconsider your relationship and whether it's the right one for you.