Why does my boyfriend lie?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has health issues so i stop him from eating unhealthy food so he lies to me and eats it anyway. He also lies to me about other small issues.

When i discussed it with him he says he does this to avoid conflicts. But i warned him about a month ago that if he continues lying it would be difficult for me to continue this relationship as this behaviour of his stopped me from trusting on him anymore but still he has lied to me twice after that warning. What should i do? Why is he not able to change this habit?

Also apart from this he is very kind and loving.

Updates

1 y

I think people miss on the part that he has health issues.
And i am not controlling what he should eat.. his doctor asked him to avoid eating out for some time to get his high cholestrol and hypertension in control. If he wasn't unwell his food preference would bother me the least.
Also he has had some heart disease in the past so that makes it worse. And he is just 22.

[Finchie40]

He lies because you are trying to control his habits , How would you feel if your boyfriend constantly told you what you could eat and not to eat? I know you are concerned about his health , but I hate to break it to you , food has nothing to do with someone’s’ health , I know people that watched what they ate and constantly exercised and they still dropped dead at a young age , so trying to tell someone what they can eat and not to eat is stupid to do , If he is getting fat because he is constantly eating junk food, then just tell him , you notice he is gaining some pounds and try to encourage him to exercise more , and support him , don’t criticize him , treat him how you would want him to treat you , if you ever decided to put on some pounds as well. So you are best just to let him eat what he wants to eat , and focus on yourself , and eventually he will realize his eating habits are making him fat and more than likely he will stop doing what he is doing , But by you trying to control what he eats , is just going to make him want to do it more , because most people don’t like being told what they can and can not do from someone they consider is a hypocrite , especially if they aren’t doing the same shit to you. Why it’s best to just focus on yourself , and if you ever decide you no longer want to exercise and watch what you eat , Do you want your boyfriend to tell you you can’t do that? You need to exercise and you need to eat this salad over that bowl of ice cream? Just live your life as happy as you can be , because tomorrow isn’t promised.

[Asker]

Wait.. i didn't tell him what to eat or what not. His doctor told him that i am just insisting him to follow what his doctor asked him to eat and what to avoid. I clearly mentioned he has health issues.
He has high cholestrol and the doctor recommended to cut down on meat for some time since he is too young for having high cholestrol and hypertension and also had a heart disease in past.

[Lynx122]

Everybody has certain habits that they use to get through life, I don't think you can control him to the degree that you decide what he eats. You can maybe talk about cooking more together or things like that where you put in effort so that both of you eat more healthy but you can't force him to change his habits. I don't think this is a reason to break up with someone if this is a dealbreaker for you then you should have looked for someone with healthy habits from the start but then other aspects of the relationship might not be as good as what you have now. So you need to learn to accept that not everything can be exactly how you want it to be and still accept him the way he is.

[Asker]

I don't really look for someone who eats healthy. But he had some heart problem when he was a child due to its strong medications he is bald at this young age. And now he is having hypertension and high cholestrol. And since we have been together for 3 years it just happened recently that i have wanted him to eat healthy to keep his cholestrol levels in control because his doctor suggested so. I would have least bothered about his food preference it's just the future scares me because he is just 22.

[Lynx122]

Yes I understand. My grandparents on my fathers side are pretty much the same. He's had multiple heart attacks and operations and he's still alive but his wife is always worried about him. He built this cottage when he was younger at a lake a few hours away from the city and then he says he's going to the cottage. He stops at this diner and eats toast and eggs and bacon and sausages and I don't know what else. But you can't stop people from doing what they want even if it's insane. You have to decide if you can handle this situation or not. I wish you the best :)

[Asker]

Yes i think you are right.

[Asker]

Thankyou

[AI Opinion]

Lies can be like a pesky gremlin in a relationship, and they sure can nibble away at trust! 🌟 Your boyfriend might be lying to avoid conflict or because he's stuck in the habit. Change takes time, and sometimes the fear of conflict is stronger than the commitment to truth. Let him know you value honesty over harmony—that might nudge him in the right direction. Consistent support and setting clear boundaries can help him feel safe to be truthful. You got this, lovebird! 💕

[molonski2]

Its vital that he changes his habits , and its obvious he cannot self regulate , so he needs to get himself under control , and cannot eat this utter sht he is putting into his body..

He is addicted , and he sadly needs you to be vastly firmer with him , but he cannot continue on like this.

[molonski2]

UPDATE = I do not remotely miss the point. You are keeping the lazy fattie alive , he needs discipline , he has none and it will KILL him at a young age.

[Asker]

Yes that's exactly what bothers me. And it has gotten worse that he is lying a lot to me. But what to do i don't find this reason big enough to breakup but this bothers me a lot.

[molonski2]

You need to stick to your guns , and make sure he eats properly.

[BarryLiverstone]

He lies out of habit, lies out of fear, and lies because he isn’t held accountable.


You would rather him be honest? Then he will tell you he’s going to eat the unhealthy food and you can’t stop him. Is that what you want instead?

[Asker]

No i would rather prefer him being honest and not eating the unhealthy food.

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s your preference but it cannot happen rn. So pick one :

1. He is honest. He may try to eat healthy but he will crave tasty foods and tell you he is breaking his diet.

2. He keeps lying and will tell you he is eating well. Will lie and eat tasty foods behind your back.

[BarryLiverstone]

by the way I’m not trying to be a jerk. I’m trying to help you from a guys perspective. If you saw those options and felt emotions.. that’s the conflict he tries to avoid

[Asker]

I see you are kind enough actually i am very emotional person.. if you have some free time can you guide me on this relationship please? I am having very much trouble in figuring out on my own since i don't want to involve any friend in this. I will appreciate your help.

[BarryLiverstone]

Go ahead and follow me. I’ll try to help
As I am able. At least you want to put in the work

[Asker]

I just realised i can't message yet.. some xper is needed i don't know

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s why I said you can follow me. You can reply to my message and I’ll try to help

[slatyb]

You aren't his mother. If you don't like his habits, date someone else.

[BarryLiverstone]

Maybe she loves him and wants him to be healthier, she said he has issues

[In_Trance]

He's not changing because he doesn't want to

[Anonymous]

Because he doesn't care to live anymore