Is it a bad idea to try to seduce an old friend if you have genuine feelings for him?

[MoonFace2]

I’m asking for future references, if I ever find myself in this situation again with another man I’m friends with. I tried once because I was in love with aforementioned man at the time and he declined. Then he told all our friends how weird I was. I’d known him for many years and been friends for 3 years at the time.

Updates

1 y

I guess I’m thinking honestly that it was a mistake to be so forward, despite thinking there was chemistry. But I am autistic and I don’t read social cues very well.

[ohsheeT]

Well that I would love to see or find out because I would love to be seduced

And by the way you were not wrong for trying to seduce our tell this person that you like them there was nothing wrong with that at all

The part that was wrong was him opening his big mouth and telling other people about it when it was nobody else's business so he tried to make himself look good and make you look bad and that's just that's the person that's wrong he's the wrong person in many ways because he just proved too many girls that he told this to the he wasn't right for them either I say go for what you're looking for go for what you want you don't need to be embarrassed because you feel a certain way

[MoonFace2]

Why did he do it? Is it something men do when they don’t fancy you, or if they dislike you?

[MoonFace2]

I’m not upset anymore by it. It’s just taught me to be more cautious

[ohsheeT]

I think why he did it because he was scared and he didn't know what to do so instead of just pulling you to the side and saying you know what now I'm sorry I'm not interested he had to go grab his mouth is probably because of the first time he's had a girl to do that for him in years anyway so he wanted to feel important I guess but he that was the most stupidest thing ever he should have just not said one thing you should have went out with you is what he should have done

[MoonFace2]

I think he made the best decision for himself. However, his way of expressing a lack of interest wasn’t nice at the time.

[ohsheeT]

Right it's always going to feel like an embarrassment or something because just the way everything happened but if you look back at it in the long run he's the one that should be embarrassed and you're the one that made out good because you probably wouldn't want to be with a guy like that anyway

[ohsheeT]

I look at it like this that it probably took you a lot of talking to yourself to get you to do it and then you decided to and then he said what he said so there's probably a moment of I can't say embarrassment but of just you know you can't believe that it turns you down but that was a vulnerable moment for you and for him to just open his mouth and tell everybody everything I think that was rude

[ohsheeT]

That was your moment so he should have kept it to himself now if it would have been reversed and he went up to you and did the same thing and you did the same thing that he did and he walked away but then he told all his friends and everything what happened that's a different story you know that's about him so it's a different story then

[MoonFace2]

He actually returned years later. Mutual friends kept talking about him and he told me he’d been too shy to accept. I don’t think I really believe that. He probably just bombed out with everyone he thought was better.

[ohsheeT]

Yeah I felt that vibe and I think you're 100% right

[ohsheeT]

Yeah one of those the grass is greener on the other side but I mean probably all he had to do is take 20-30 minutes and sit down and talk with you and find out who you truly were on the inside and it might have changed his whole life never can tell but no

[MoonFace2]

I just think if he didn’t want me then, why would he want me now? I’m not that much different.

[ohsheeT]

Well like I said maybe he thinks he was a big stud back then and now these years that have gone by he realizes that he's not

[MoonFace2]

Time grounds most of us

[ohsheeT]

This is for sure but usually I would think it would not happen that if you're single you'd want to be grounded with somebody because that's the perfect time to do it is together

[MoonFace2]

I think you’re right 😊

[ohsheeT]

Well like I said everything happens for a reason you just have to try to find the positive out of it and it's usually right in front of us

[Tarifa]

It's tricky if you're friends and you're the one who wants to take things further. Attraction and love is a two way street. An unresponded crush is not easy to deal with, especially if you don't want to harm the friendship that's already there. An unresponded crush is like a dead end: you'll only bang your head against the wall in desperation or need to get out fast.

[MoonFace2]

Agreed.

[MoonFace2]

I just find that I personally cannot remain ‘just friends’ with someone I’m interested in.

[Tarifa]

Same here. You can send me a DM if you want to.

[MoonFace2]

Sure. Why not?

[Anonymous]

Obviously with this guy it was a mistake. Some guys would love it. But to get the best results I would advise you to try asking him out instead of seducing him next time.

Honestly, since you’re pretty enough to have gotten modeling offers, I think this guy’s response is somewhat unusual. Most guys you try that on will sleep with you and never contact you again, which isn’t what you want either.

[MoonFace2]

I guess everyone has a type and apparently, I wasn’t his 😊. According to the male friends he told. Lol. Yes, definitely a mistake. Okay thanks, much appreciated. I’ll take your advice in future 🥰

[Opinion Owner]

Good luck 💕

[MoonFace2]

Thanks 😘😊

[Flower7]

Yes, this is a bad idea.

[MoonFace2]

What should one do instead?

[Flower7]

Date guys who you have not been friends with for a long time.

[AmeerX]

Hey, friendly advice. Please never go back to an ex unless you were married once. Why I say so, they will treat you the worst.
However, if they come back, don't reject them either.

This is something I just say to you because your life will be hard.
Lots of single men and you are not old, you are forgetting something important. There are people who can love you better. And long story short, let go of the past and look to the future. Make a 5 year plan to get married. The single most stupid mistake people make is forgetting that they can get married. I know you feel like due to your autism you are not going to be as desirable but remember that is most stupid

[Ad_Quid_Orator]

If by "old friend" you mean someone who you've been in contact with more often in the past but not so much now, I'd say go for it. If it's someone you're in frequent contact with now, it could ruin the platonic relationship but if it's an "old friend" there's currently not much of a relationship to ruin. So in this case, I'd say the reward is worth the risk.

[MoonFace2]

I mean for instance, in the here and now, if I was interested in one of my current guy friends that I’d known for years and hangs out in my friend group. Speaking hypothetically, because there’s currently no one I fancy.

[bowenw]

I would depend on the circumstances for me. If someone said I was weird in the past, it is doubtful I would be interested in seducing them ever.

[MoonFace2]

He said I was weird after that, according to a mutual friend and to be careful of me.

[MoonFace2]

I’m asking if in general, it’s a mistake to try to seduce a guy you love, when you’re friends but not dating. I’m not referring specifically to this guy I loved at the time, but I agree with you that it’s a turnoff.

[bowenw]

If you still feel a spark for them, I don't see a problem in trying to seduce them by taking baby steps to see if you can get a sense for how they feel about you.

[MoonFace2]

Okay 😊. Thanks

[MoonFace2]

I don’t still feel a spark for this previous guy, however, I’m wondering if I ever find myself in this situation again with someone else (I haven’t currently); if i meet a new guy and fall for him, if he’d want something long term if I tried to seduce him, as well as asking him out, or is it wiser to just ask him out and leave that part alone?

[MoonFace2]

Do guys feel less respect for women who do this, I guess is what I’m asking. What not to do in future.

[bowenw]

Personally I respect women who say what they want and make the first move. It takes a lot of pressure off the guy trying to guess if she likes him.

[Nikki1989]

That depends. If you value your friendship, consider whether pursuing a romantic relationship could potentially damage it.

[slatyb]

It's rarely a bad idea to ask for what you want. If you want a closer relationship with someone, ask them.

[krin_m]

It really depends on the situation and the person involved

He sounds like a shallow person and you are better off without him

[MoonFace2]

Maybe he just wasn’t interested. But I thought it was mean to gossip about it with all our friends, rather than talking to me.

[krin_m]

I totally agree with you,,!

[Ms_Facesitter]

Maybe. I wouldn't seduce, I would just confess.

[Massageman]

If you have "genuine feelings" for him, seduction really shouldn't be necessary.

[elizamichale1]

I dont think so

[dudeinohio]

Go for it.