How do you know when its time to let go of a relationship?

[Anonymous]

For the past 2 years I’ve been in long distance with a man who I love and who loves me too. We’ve used to always be each others rock. He used to look at me and be able to see right through me. Now I’m not so sure anymore. Recently we’ve bickered every other day and don’t enjoy our time together. He’ll make comments that aren't always the kindest but no where near abusive (making me feel dumb, defensiveness). I've expressed my hurt at our emotional distance multiple times, sobbed until my nose is dripping. It’s getting pathetic. But we still love eachother so much and support eachother when we need it. he's my best friend. He accepts me in ways im not sure any other human will. Yet i can't help feeling tired, like were a fire thats almost burnt out. He doesn't hear me or understand when i try to explain how he is hurting me with his words and lack of effort. I don't know what else to do.

So my question is, when do you know its time to let go of a relationship? When do you keep fighting for the love thats there, and when do you put down the sword?

It all hurts so much. I love him so much.

Updates

11 mo

Bump

[Garud]

This means he is the dominant partner and he will lead the house. I can't say if he is a good leader or not but with time you will feel stifled.
Maybe if he lets you lead then you will perform less better but it still doesn't change the fact that you will feel stifled now.
After a point you will explode like a volcano. He will also be surprised what happened all of a sudden.

You can be friends with such people as long as it is friendship but marital life will be suffocating.
A soft natured person should look for a soft natured person no matter how attractive he finds a hot natured person.

It is better to clarify things now through phone calls or messages because face to face you will be too overwhelmed and not be able to argue clearly.

Suppose the guy is not backing off even an inch and not giving you a soft zone where you can express yourself freely, then it will not work for long.

Some people are like that and for them only another person with similar energy is better. Because they keep on correcting each other in their way from time to time.

You can also make him read this post's answers.
Tell the truth about what you think, if the other person is arguing too much or saying you are delusional or crazy then set a limit of words and warn him not to cross it. If he still does it then you have your answer.

[MisterWack]

Breaking up brings heartache though sometimes it is needed…..

My belief is, if you feel the love has burnt out and he isn’t listening to your needs & your desires then maybe you should take a short break (not breakup), voice to him you want to take a short break to figure things out since you feel unheard & unloved….. Once you come back and he still hasn’t come around within a month then end it.

[Anonymous]

Why are you long distance? Are neither of you willing to move to be with the other?

[Asker]

He’s a senior in high school and I’m starting my college education! Both of us are financially not so great, so I’ve considered going to school near him, but I can only afford community college atm. It’s definitely a move I’ve tried to make happen many times over but again, very low on money rn.

[Nikki1989]

If you're feeling more drained than supported, it might be time to re-evaluate.

[Asker]

Thank you. I’ll remember this🫂

[AI Opinion]

Hey there, love warrior! 💖 I'm here on Girls Ask Guys to offer some guidance. It sounds like you're tangled up in a delicate heart-versus-mind situation. When your loving gaze turns into something like constant bickers and feeling undervalued, it’s time to question the fire's strength. You deserve a partner who hears, understands, and respects you. Love should lift you up, not weigh you down. If communication doesn't spark change, consider if holding on is making you lose yourself. Love yourself enough to decide if staying is truly love, or just comfort. Remember, “tis better to have loved and lost.” 💫

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you have to accept you're just not the same type of person. You said he doesn't hear me or understand when I try to explain that he's hurting me. Are you sure he doesn't understand? Maybe it's delayed response to something you've said.

[Asker]

I don't know to be honest. I’ve tried to explain it to him many different ways but I don’t really know if he understands. That’s the tough part. I want to make sure I give him a chance to understand but I can only say it so many times in so many ways. At a certain point, it becomes a situation where I don't know if he will ever grasp it. It could be a delayed response. He’s a busy guy. But he’s been a busy guy for months now. I don't know how much of a delayed response I can wait for :((

[PeachyPie93]

You know its time to let go when they don't care about your feelings and they make you feel sadder then when you are on your own.

[Asker]

That’s the thing, he makes me feel super happy 50% of the time, and 50% I feel sad. On my own I’m sad because I miss him, and sad because I’m scared it’s all crumbling to an end

[PeachyPie93]

I get it but 50% isn't good enough lol
It will always hurt to leave a guy you love but its always your choice since you aren't trapped.

[RingOfFire]

I'd like to comment but it's not clear to me whether you meet this guy in person or whether it's strictly long distance relationship and you've never even met him. It makes a big difference so if you can please answer that question.

[Asker]

Sorry for the late reply, I wasn’t getting responses when I first posted so I logged out haha.

Basically we met online in 2022, but in October 2023 I met him for the first time, so quite a while ago. Since then we’ve met 2 more times. His family is really involved and lets me stay at their house which is nice. A lot of people have been wondering why it’s been Long distance for so long and it’s because we’re both doing education right now (he’s a high school senior and I started college recently). Hope that helps!

[RingOfFire]

I'm fascinated by the way you describe the relationship. For someone your age it's very insightful.

I've always believed in the notion that at some point you have to leave these decisions up to fate. Otherwise you can drive yourself insane trying to overthink it.

In a relationship like this if it isn't meant to be nothing can save it. If it is meant to be nothing can stop it

In spite of your impressive grasp of the situation, you're both very young. I think many of us have experienced relationships during the transition between high school and college and separating long distances during that time.

I've seen some of those relationships survive and some of them drift apart. Looking at it clear-eyed, the chances are not good. You're are both growing and starting to see the world as adults, and when that happens things change. It sounds as if the security you felt in the relationship before is beginning to drift away as he moves into a different phase of his life.

But there are so many factors that no one can be sure. That's why I think fate plays a role in this. You can't force relationships, they have to happen organically.

I had a relationship at your age that I sacrificed and toiled for only to have it fall apart. It hurts to this day, but looking back I realized that it wasn't meant to be. It was a phase in my life and in hers. At a certain point we had to let go and move on with our lives. What that point is exactly no one knows. But the unpleasant feelings you are having are a sign that the time may be approaching.

There are people who remain in your heart for a lifetime even after the relationships are long gone. It doesn't have to end with anger or hatred. But sometimes it has to end for love. Sometimes ending it is the right thing to do for you both.

[DryGermanGuy]

When you feel better, freer and happier without that relationship.

[exitseven]

Itcisxsaid that the world will not end with a bang , but with a whimper. The same is true of relationships

[Ferngully2000]

If you are doubting your relationship and can’t get beyond it, then it’s alarm bells to end it.

[Asker]

Yk, I think you’re right. Even if it’s just alarm bells that we need to communicate better (which I think it’s more than that tbh). My sibling said the same thing the other day. That stressing about if the relationship is right shouldn’t make me doubt and stress everyday. Thank you

[In_Trance]

The very first time you have a thought about letting go of the relationship it's time to let go of the relationship

[Asker]

Food for thought. Thank you

[Anonymous]

The moment they are no longer the first person you want to tell everything to.

[Asker]

Thankfully he still is that person. He’s my bestfriend. The problem is I just feel like we’re so far apart that he’s not even available to tell things to. He’s very busy. And emotionally I feel like he’s not always there. He loves me so deeply, but I feel like sometimes I’m only getting half of him and his presence

[Staximus]

How many times have you actually seen this guy in real life?

[Asker]

3 times. His parents are extremely accepting and let me stay at his house. About a week each time

[slatyb]

Two years is about 18 months too long for an LDR.

[Asker]

Yeah it’s a long time😅 Problem is we’re both in school rn (he’s a senior, I’m starting college) and I can only afford community college. With me being in the northeast and him in Colorado living near eachother just isn’t an option right now.

[Crazzyyworld]

There are plenty of fish in the sea

[Asker]

Yeah but they aren’t him. Perhaps that’s the hardest part of letting go of someone you love

[KrakenAttackin]

Why be long distance?

[Asker]

We met online in 2022 and met in person 2023. Since then I’ve seen him 2 more times. With both of us not financially well and completely our education I can only afford community college (he’s starting college in the fall and can only do in-state).

[WowGIrl4ever]

When the cops show up

[Anonymous]

Why do u love them

[Asker]

I love them because they have a good heart that wants to help people and do the right thing. I love them because they’re sensitive, feeling sadness for others hardships so deeply as if it’s their own. I love them because they’re smart emotionally and mentally, seeing politics and morals and situations with the same lense I do. When I feel like no one understands my point of view they always do. I love their loving, taking care of me when I get altitude sickness from visiting and holding me while I cry. I love them because they found me at my lowest and still chose to love me for all of my abused (from ex) and broken pieces. I love them because they’re patient with me when my mental health crumbles, and always believe in me to get back up.
And so much more.

[Opinion Owner]

How do u both look

[Asker]

Wtf kind of question is that😭

[Opinion Owner]

Just asking