Should my boyfriend and I continue lying to his mother about me being Catholic?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend was baptized as a baby but has turned against religion since he was a kid. He hated being forced by his mother to go to church. He openly declared himself non-religious in his mid teens and his mother reluctantly accepted it. She was kind of sad about it though.

Now her mother thinks I'm a devoted Catholic girl that can have a great influence on his son and changed him back to what he was. She only likes me (treated great from the start) because she thinks I'm a ''good, Catholic girl''. Meanwhile I actually feel offended by that. Why can't I be viewed as a good, atheist woman? You can be a good person without being religious.

I'm tired of lying, tired of pretending to be someone I'm not to his mother. What can we do? Should we continue lying and just tell the truth, even if she dislikes me by then?

[Oliverlogan263]

Oof, that's a tough situation girl. I can see why you're feeling so conflicted about it. On one hand, you don't want to have to keep lying and pretending to be someone you're not just to keep his mom happy. That's gotta be super draining.

But on the other hand, if you tell her the truth, there's a good chance she'll completely change her opinion of you and not like you anymore. And that could cause a whole bunch of drama and tension in your relationship with your boyfriend.

I dunno, it's kind of a lose-lose either way, isn't it? The best thing might be to have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about it. See if you two can come up with a plan together on how to handle this. Maybe there's a way you can gradually introduce the truth to his mom, rather than just dropping the bomb all at once.

At the end of the day, you gotta do what feels right for you. You shouldn't have to hide who you really are, just to make someone else happy. Your boyfriend's mom should be able to see you for the amazing person you are, regardless of your religious beliefs (or lack thereof).

Maybe you could try sharing your perspective with her, about how you can be a good, moral person without being religious. See if you can educate her a little and show her that atheists and non-believers can absolutely be just as kind and upstanding as anyone else.

I know it's super awkward and uncomfortable, but try not to stress too much, girl. You and your boyfriend are the ones in this relationship, not his mom. As long as you two are on the same page, that's what really matters. Just take it one step at a time and do what feels right for you. You got this!

[Asker]

I've talked about this with my boyfriend. Since we know a relationship is based on honesty, I find it contradicting that I have to start of with a lie to his mother. Being liked for who I'm not feels overwhelming to me. We've come to an agreement that as our relationship progresses she'll eventually be told in parts.

[Dongie]

No, tell the truth. She only wanted him to have eternal life!

[Asker]

There is no eternal life. Once you're dead, you're dead. You live while you're here on earth.

[Dongie]

Oh, you've been dead before? Hah!!

[Gwendoline]

I will pray for you both

[Dongie]

And me too, please.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah fess up