My boyfriend won't forgive my mother, is he right?

[Anonymous]

My mother has been fake nice to him for nearly 4 years. In the past she has meddled in our relationship and once tried to purposely break us up by spreading a lie about him to others.

She did a peaceful, reconciliation talk with him. However, he hasn't forgiven her because it was insincere. Is he right not to forgive my mother? He dislikes her by now and before this pandemic, I would be the only one visiting her. In his view, he can't forgive someone that never admitted their wrongdoing (her apology was full of excuses, blame shiftings and it had a bunch of buts and ifs), isn't sorry, continues being a fake and never took responsibility on improving things.

Yes

No

Updates

+1 y

Base on my boyfriend, if she would've been sincerely sorry for her actions, made no excuses and work on improving things, he would've long forgiven by now. In his stance, an apology has to be sincere or else it doesn't count at all.

[Anonymous]

you yourself admit that her apology wasn't genuine. And you strongly suggest that he hasn't done anything worthy of being treated the way he has been.

I don't know. Family is everything to me. The idea of choosing someone over my own mother is hard... but if the person did nothing wrong, and even tried to make things right, and my mother was that much of an extreme, back-stabbing, lying bitch?
I'm probably not only pick my partner, I'd cut contact with my mom. That's nearly unforgivable behavior. And when you finally get an apology and it is insincere and full of lies? I wouldn't give a chance for a real apology later. I'd be done with her.

[Asker]

Thank you for your opinion. My boyfriend felt more insulted and pissed off with her lengthy, insincere apology. He feels that's the same as never getting an apology since both lack contrition.

[Avicenna]

I totally sympathize with him

[Asker]

I added my update. He's the type of person that's into giving people 2nd chances if they're sincere about it. In his view, he can't forgive my mother because she never really apologized for her actions. A fake apology to him is equal to never getting an apology.

[Avicenna]

He's right

[potatoiswhoiam]

He has all the right to not forgive her and I'm sure you wouldn't find a place in your heart for such person if they were exhibiting that type of behavior towards you. You don't have to not visit her, at the end of the day she's your mom and she's raised you and loves you, but he doesn't have to when all he's gotten from her is lack of genuineness

[Asker]

yeah it's understandable the way he's feeling. He has given 2nd chances to others in the past but the only difference is they were sincere and changed for the better. If she did that, he would've forgiven already.
Basically a fake apology to him means never getting any apology. He finds that more upsetting.

[potatoiswhoiam]

Totally reasonable on his part

[ciitruskiwi]

He's right. Apologies don't mean anything if the person doesn't mean it.

[Asker]

Yeah as long as she doesn't admit her actions nor understand/realize how much she hurt him, he isn't gonna forgive.

[ItsTheNephilim]

Yeah.