OK, you asked me to pick a side, so I'm going off the reservation here... :D
I'm going to say women and here's why: Most of my friends are married, most of the people I've known in my life are married for the long haul. The few divorcees I know are the sweetest, most empathetic women I have ever met, and they stayed for years longer than they should have, with guys who were abusive in multiple ways (including physically). One guy molested a girl. Another was an alcoholic. When the women I have known finally get divorced, they have years of mistreatment they have been putting up with in silence. The women I know are always apologetic and tend to heap the blame for their spouse's crap on themselves or his childhood. When they finally reach their limit, they are done.
The married women are the anchors in their marriages. One woman is a widow now (elderly), and her idiot husband canceled a life insurance policy without telling her in some kind of private bargaining session with God. She is now destitute. A few of the married women are victims of financial abuse on the part of their husbands, because "he makes the money, so... reasons". Other married women I know are physically depleted with serious health issues from constant childbirth, but you know "Children are a gift from God and men need sex or they'll stray". All of those women in those relationships would gladly stop having kids, but they are theologically brainwashed and scared.
Now, you know me and you know I'd agree that not all men are controlling jerks who can't handle a woman confronting them about serious problems. I know some really good men, too. But from what I have personally witnessed, many men sit comfortably in their "God-given role" as head of the home and the moment the woman hints at him changing something "submit, woman". Submission sermons are a regular thing at all churches, something women already know and are clear on within Christendom. Women I know are always reading books and looking for ways to improve their marriages. Women are initiating attending retreats and conferences to try and connect. Women are the threads that make the effort to maintain connection.
That's my argument, but it's anecdotal and based on two decades of observation. When I was in my teens, I actually decided I was never going to get married witnessing all this stuff, but then I met one of the good guys and he changed my mind. :)
It's the BIG things you're pointing out and these are all valid BUT for me I would say the small grinding things mount up which wouldn't get on your list of pretty woeful behaviour on the mens side.
Should of had a mutual option. Takes two for a relationship and faults are both sides unless one is actually unhinged mentally.
From my observations and discussions I see a cycle effect usually happens. Usually the guy but can be gal or both.. but usually someone gets lazy. To comfy in the habits of the relationship. The other (usually woman) starts feeling taken granted for and unloved. Used if the guy only shows attention at bedtime for a quick hump and dump.
So the woman starts withholding sex.
Now the (usually) man didn't even know there was a problem. He was just comfortable. He's getting sex. Going work. Watching tv, sports. He doesn't have to go chasing pussy or pretending to be anything. He misses the cues the woman has been putting out about dissatisfaction.
But now no sex. Sex is the bond. The way man feels love in a relationship. So now he's upset. And "doesn't know what's wrong with her". He withdraws. Which is opposite of what she wanted. She wanted him to show love, affection, romance. Withdrawing sex was in part hoping he would step up not step away.
Now there is hurt rejection and anger both sides..
Now the fireworks begin...
So common!
So who started it?
Communication is super important early on. Not just "telling" your partner your unhappy or what they do wrong. The right communication. Also the right listening. Cos even those that do try to talk early on can still end up spiralling. And usually it's the female. And not being heard makes her crazy and that's where stories come of the crazy woman in relationships lol
I think the courting set up may be to blame for this. Men tend to be the ones making all the romantic gestures of date arranging, communication, wooing and raising the status of the woman in his eyes which has an effect on the ego of the woman. She gets used to being put first and foremost in the mind and actions of the man. This is not a sustainable nor healthy dynamic and unless she then starts making an effort to do for him and cater to his needs and desires then it's not laziness to check out of something where you feel reciprocation isn't forthcoming, it's self respect. Communication though like you said is essential to prevent this from happening but expecting men to TELL women these days what they want from them is a difficult diamond to remove from the ring.
Women usually initiate divorce. Men have to compete with other men because their woman could leave take half of their shit and the kids and keep them from him as well as 30-60% of his pay check for 18 years or more.
Studies have shown that even men who are top 15% in looks, in good shape, 6 foot or over, and make 60k-90k a year (top 20-10% of men across the board) have LESS options than an average Jane Doe who is 18-35 years old.
Couple this social environment with the laws and you have a HELL on earth for young men out there who desire a wife or a family, more or less a relationship with a decent woman.
Really depends on the person. I'd say in my experience women tend to teach themselves everything. If it's something they've not been taught by their parents they're kinda just like I'll figure it out as I go. Men on the other hand, tend to rely on women to tell them what to do, how to do it, when to do it. This is mostly evident in household chores, the laundry basket could be overflowing with clean or dirty clothing and they will not touch it unless asked. The excuse often being "you didn't ask me to" "how was I supposed to know it needed to be done". This is unfortunately a common theme. Maybe more common in men who didn't spend much time living on their own as an adult but nonetheless incredibly frustrating crap to deal with.
guys are like every girl's therapist who listens but also has no patience for dumb shit makes it clear always tells me I'm just bitching & crying for nothing and girls are like teachers/actors showing guys how to be real not just chill make a scene or to go after what you want Except guys are usually right being simply honest and girls only know how to make their point By being extra dramatic about whatever they're saying
Men probably. I sometimes i feel bad when I lose my temper at him, often over nothing especially at a certain time of the month. Like one time I got mad for no reason and he tried to give me a box of chocolates and I got madder, of course I devoured the chocolate an hour later. Men are so simple minded, they seem to have only 3 separate moods. Me hungry. Me horny. Me sleepy.
Women, since lots of guys put most the workload of home life on us and don't want to participate even if we work. They tend to love bomb us in the beginning and then pull away once they got us. They can be violent or use threatening behaviour to make us do what they want us to do. They usually ignore you when you bring up issues and don't want to go to counselling because they think its for weak people.. the list goes on..
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