Attraction dilemma, what can I do?

[Anonymous]

OK so I was very close with this other girl back in 2020 and I became very close with her to a point were I could literally feel if she is not OK, I would literally get sick until I talked to her and actually found out she's not OK, she rejected me, even though we hung out almost everyday, we were happy, she loved being with me, she always said she felt safe and she really trusted me like really trusted me told me her secrets, etc so she said she wasn't ready to be with me and we know that it just means she's not interested in me, so I said goodbye after a year we because it wouldn't be OK for my own health and we never spoke again, 4 years later I'm still thinking about this person, even though I have a girlfriend now my very first girlfriend actually and she is amazing, we both don't drink and smoke, she's just the female version of me, yet somehow I still feel like I have feelings for that other girl, she recently reached out and we talked, but I realised it's not like before I don't get too nervous like before, so I need advise on how I can just completely move on from her, I really love my current girlfriend, I just want to forget about this past one, I just don't understand why I can't move on, and it's really making me feel guilty, I only got a girlfriend in 2021 for the first time in my life, I'm 29 years old now.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, that's a tough situation you've got there. I can understand why you're feeling so torn - on one hand, you've got this amazing girlfriend who seems like a great match for you. But on the other hand, you just can't seem to shake those feelings for this other girl from the past.

It's totally normal to still have those lingering thoughts and emotions, even years later. When you have that kind of deep connection with someone, it can be really hard to let it go completely. Especially since she recently reached back out to you.

But the fact that you're self-aware enough to recognize that you still have feelings, and that it's making you feel guilty, shows that you really care about your current girlfriend and want to do right by her. That's huge.

My advice would be to really lean into that relationship and give it your all. Spend quality time with your girlfriend, cherish the amazing bond you two share, and try to be present in the moment with her. The more you focus on building that strong foundation, the easier it'll be to let go of the past.

You could also try talking to your girlfriend about it, if you feel comfortable. Being open and honest about where your head is at can help build even more trust and understanding in the relationship. Just reassure her that your feelings for her are genuine, and that you're committed to making things work.

As for the other girl, I'd be really careful about getting too close again, even if the dynamic feels different now. Maintain your distance, and redirect your energy elsewhere. The more space you put between you, the easier it'll be to move on for good.

It's not going to happen overnight, but with time and effort, you can absolutely get to a place where those lingering feelings for your past connection fade into the background. Just keep your eye on the prize - this amazing woman you have in your life now. She's the one you should be focusing on.

You got this, bro. Just keep being honest with yourself and your girlfriend, and don't be afraid to lean on her for support. Wishing you all the best in navigating this tricky situation.

[Asker]

Thank you so much bro, yeah it's really really difficult, especially the connection I had with her because the way we met was just weird, my intentions were not to even date her in any shape or form, unfortunately she was with a very abusive boyfriend and I mean really abusive, cheating on her with her own people she called friends, when I got there she started healing, all these years her friends who actually cared for her tried to break them apart until I arrived, and the guy back away and I didn't intend for that to happen.

I can't talk to my girlfriend about it because she's insecure about her.. She knows about her and she doesn't want me to do anything with her and I can't blame her, my girlfriend is perfect, we pray together, fast together, and found me with nothing and we are building together, she didn't know I had money until I started revealing everything slowly and slowly, she prays for me, she's everything most men would want and need a Godly women, yet somehow I can't deviate from this one completely.

I mean 4 years is long and yet I still feel something for her, I literally still care and it just makes me feel way more guilty about this, and I have been denying it for the longest time but I feel like I can't fully love my girlfriend like I once loved the other girl, it's like my being won't allow me to ever fully fall in love like that again.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that's a really heavy and complex situation, bro. I can see why you're feeling so conflicted and guilty about it all. The connection you had with that first girl sounds incredibly deep and transformative, even if it didn't work out in the end. And the fact that you were there for her during such an abusive time must have made the bond even stronger.

I totally get why you're hesitant to open up to your current girlfriend about these lingering feelings. She sounds amazing, and you don't want to jeopardize that relationship or make her feel insecure. That's really commendable that you're putting her needs first.

But at the same time, keeping all that emotional baggage bottled up inside is clearly taking a toll on you. You gotta find a healthy way to process these lingering feelings, even if you can't share the full details with your girlfriend.

Maybe you could try journaling about it? Or talking to a trusted mentor or counselor who can help you work through it without bringing your girlfriend into the mix. Sometimes just getting those thoughts and emotions out in a safe space can make a big difference.

And you're right, 4 years is a long time to still be hung up on someone. As much as the heart doesn't always heal as quickly as we'd like, you gotta keep working at it, my dude. Consciously focus on all the amazing qualities of your current girlfriend, and really savor the love you two share. Remind yourself why she's the one for you now.

It's okay if you can't fully recreate that same intense, all-consuming love you felt before. Every relationship is unique, and the depth of connection can vary. But that doesn't mean what you have now is any less valuable or meaningful.

Keep giving it time, keep being honest with yourself, and don't be afraid to get professional support if you need it. You've got an amazing woman by your side, and she deserves your whole heart. With patience and self-care, I know you can get there.

[PeachyPie93]

I think maybe your girlfriend isn't the one for you even though she seems perfect since I don't get why you would still be hung up on a girl that didn't even want you over a girl who actually loves you.

[Asker]

That's just it, I don't maybe because she was my first? Like the first girl I actually went for for the first time in my life, spent some with etc

[AI Opinion]

Ah, love and its mysterious ways! 💖 It's like when you think you've moved on, those sneaky feelings decide to say hello again. With your old flame reaching out, it probably stirred up some memories, but remember, feelings from the past are just echoes.

Your current girlfriend sounds amazing, like a true partner-in-crime. Focus on building your present relationship by sharing new adventures and experiences together. A little guilt might be hanging around because you're so loyal, but that's okay. Acknowledge those past feelings, gently place them in the "been there, done that" box, and cherish the wonderful connection you have now. Time and love will guide your heart to where it truly belongs. Keep loving fearlessly! 💑

[Asker]

But I've been thinking about this girl for years can I inbox you on everything that has happened? I need to just understand things here.

[Asker]

Remember she and I never even dated