Is it possible to reignite physical attraction in this situation?

[Anonymous]

UseWe've been together for 3 years, dearly love each other. We've been through a lot. Also, on long distance, because I had to finish uni. Now i am planning to move to his country, but things are not that easy now. For the first 1.5 years we were very attracted to each other physically, at least, it felt like it. We never questioned it. Unfortunately, pandemic came between us and we could not see each other for a year, and I think it had a large role in our physical attraction. He started to question if he ever was attracted to me. It should be said - I was not the most in shape, depressed, really not neat when I met him and we started relationship. But I worked on myself a lot and improved, which he seemed happy about. But several months ago he told me he is not sure if he ever was physically attracted to me, because he never had a chance to see the 'in shape's me, due to pandemic. Then I worked/studied hard and forgot my health, gained weight. So his thoughts appeared again. He started to doubt if he wanted to have sex with me, and he tried to force it everytime when we met. He told me, and we were both crying hearing that. He says he loves me and am perfect for him, except for this factor. He feels happy with me, but is not sure if he wants to go without physical attraction for too long. We don't know what to do. I lost weight again, exercise, ear well, try to take care of myself, but he's still anxious. I don't know... I love him, he's not the perfect type for me physically either, but I love him beyond this. And he says he does too, but he wants us to be very physically compatible otherwise he won't be fully happy. We're thinking maybe moving in together in 2 months will help us to decide things and work on things better, but what can we do during these 2 months before I finish my uni? Do you think couples therapy is worth it? Has anyone had the same problem and overcame it with their beloved? i love him, we can't lose what we have because one sad issue

[Anonymous]

See that is the issue with love and attraction. We ultimately can't choose who we love or who what attracts us. And unfortunately love and attraction don’t always come together. I am with a woman I love dearly. She is a great woman. Loyal. Loving, amazing person. Even in dark times she finds a way to smile. Frankly more then i deserve. But there is VERY little physical attraction. I have to force my self to get in the mood most times we do it. Also I am not a very physical person though so that is challenging. Generally speaking I dont like to touch other people or be touched beyond basic hand shakes and friendly hugs. But I force my self for her.


Truthfully the lack of physical attraction does some times take its toll. There are times i have to remind my self of all the amazing qualities she has and that there is more to this then how my Dick feels about it.


Love is compromise, Working together, taking the good with the bad, the sickness with the health. You know? At the end of the day life and love need to be about more the sex. Because In my opinion if i have to choose between true love or a 10/10 knock out woman and great sex. Im going with love. When i was younger and had leas life experience it would have been the other way around. And it was. And i learned hard lessons. Was cheated on, ghosted, what have you. Go for love and hope the rest falls into place.

[MystiKaL]

This is a tough one. On one hand you love each other, on the other hand there is a lack of physical attraction. Which kind of means that you're like 2 friends that love each other rather than a couple.

If I am going to advise you, I would say hold back on moving in together. You can't force attraction so you may not get any attraction by moving in, which is a big step. ou can most certainly try couples therapy and see what you can do to try and spice things up. But again, you cannot force attraction. Attraction is always natural.

If you have tried everything and you're still in the same predicament, then it may be worth considering your future as friends rather than an actual couple. At least you will still be there for each other and will have each other in your lives.

And whatever you do, don't blame yourself and your own physical state. You will be very attractive to another person, even if you not physically doing it for him.

[Guy13]

Go for it…positively‼️ Negative Nelly… it like a super romantic possibility. Try to enjoy the possibilities

[Anonymous]

Just do your best to stay in touch, and worry about couples therapy once you are together.