I am 45, not a father but want to be but my current girlfriend has had children and not interested. What should I do?

[sandy343244]

I was in a very bad relationship for about 15 years and had convinced myself i did not want a family, it didn't happen in that relationship.

I met this amazing woman and we connect in everyway, she has had children and does not want more (they are grown up and not living at home). What is sad is she has given me faith again in what a good relationship is like and I felt this craving of wanting a family with her but she does not want to do this again.

I feel drawn between staying with her and accepting I won't ever have a chance of a family or I end things and try and find someone new who would want to start a family with me.

I am aware of the risk of being older when having a family and even if a woman would want a man of my age (I am in good health, don't smoke, hardly drink, slim).

I would like your thoughts and advice on this please.

[Screenwriter]

Well, do they have to be your biological children? Could you adopt? Is your partner just refusing to be pregnant again, or is she refusing to raise ANY children again?

If her refusal is about having/raising ANY children and you definitely want children, then it sounds like this is the end of your relationship. Have you had this discussion with her? That this is a deep desire for you?

If she is your same age, I understand why she doesn't want to have children at this late date. Forty -five is at the very end of safe pregnancy age.

The flip side of this is that she's raised her children and wants the freedom of late adulthood, not diapers, child care, 20 years of preschool, kindergarten, primary, middle and high school, then post secondary college or trade school, and the concommitant costs of piano lessons, soccer, play dates, babysitters, summer camps...

You'll be occupied raising your child until you're past retirement age. That's a cost of 200,000 to 300,000 dollars. Maybe she's planned on shoring up her retirement nest egg, traveling... It doesn't sound like you've dug into this to find out these polar opposite stances on this issue.

If they are completely at odds, you're right, you need to find someone else. But weigh this choice carefully. Do you want a less than ideal relationship with someone who can give you a child for the simple fact that you want one so badly?

Sometimes we miss some opportunities. There are hosts of reasons. But do you throw out what you say is an ideal relationsihp that could carry you through the rest of your life? And if you find someone who wants to have a child, but the relationship doesn't compare to the one you have now, then won't your focus be on the child rearing and child, not the SO? I hate to use this expression, but are you willing to throw the baby out with the bathwater?

What is the most important aspect of your life and relationship? Is it a child, or is it the person who is your SO? You want it to be both, but maybe it cannot be. Think this through seriously. You may be opting for no relationship and no child at all.

[Simslover92]

I'm so sorry to hear this and I know it sucks but you need to find someone who aligns with your goals in life. If she doesn't want more kids and you want children then you need to let her go and find a woman who does.

[molonski2]

You simply have to get rid of her man , you want to be a father , she cannot provide time to " Cut clean the DEAD wood " .

[AI Opinion]

Here to sprinkle some love wisdom on your dilemma! 🌟 It's amazing that you've found someone who makes you feel alive again, but wanting a family is a major life decision. You need to have an honest conversation with your girlfriend about your desires and see if there's any room for compromise that works for both of you. If not, it's crucial to prioritize what’s most important for your life goals. You're in great shape and have a lot to offer, so age shouldn't hold you back from finding someone who shares your desire for a family. Time to weigh the importance of craving those little feet pitter-pattering vs. your current love. 🚀

[Selene1600000]

You need to ask yourself which loss would hurt more long term: losing her or never having children. Neither choice is wrong, but hoping she changes her mind will likely lead to pain for both of you. Be honest with yourself now, because this is one of those life decisions where love alone is not always enough.

[Alwayreckles93]

Your age is perfect to have children my best friend she is 45 and just had twins natural birth and health. Do not let ignorant people tell you you can't it can happen to anyone even at age 55. Don't loose hope.

[itsannalee]

Find a new girlfriend who have the same interests with you.

[midnightmoon05]

Try to have your own family. Otherwise you will regret it.

[Anonymous]

find a new woman if you wish to be a father