Am I the A$$hole?

[Anonymous]

2 years ago my father passed away after a battle with cancer. My boyfriend at the time was there when it happened and he was at the funeral. We’ve since broken up. Now my family is starting a new tradition in their apple orchard where we all pick apples and make pies, sauce and cider. It’ll be the first time the family has been together since the funeral. My boyfriend now wants to come and be a part of the event, but I’ve asked him not to come. I wanted this to be a time of grieving and healing for me as the family is back together and my boyfriend never met my father, or all of the family there. This is a new family tradition and he’s terribly upset he’s been excluded from the first event. I regret involving my last boyfriend in so many family events after it didn’t work out. We are committed to each other and have discussed starting a family. Is this a boundary too far?

[DishLady]

He doesn't have a say in what you do. You're not together. If he was your life partner/hubby and you excluded him, that WOULD possibly be hurtful unless you and your siblings promised for it to only be the immediate family (no spouses or kids), which some families DO do for traditions like the one you're talking about.

"boyfriend"/"girlfriend" status doesn't grant a person carte blanche to do whatever tf they want. And EXes are removed from that by a few extra levels.

So no, you're not an a**hole. You're just grieving. You do you. I'm sincerely sorry for your loss and hope this new tradition will bring you all some joy and peace.

[Anonymous]

No. It's how you feel but it tells your boyfriend that you guys don't have s future

[Finchie40]

Your boyfriend now should respect the fact that you just want it to be family and no one else , it doesn’t make you an asshole because you are being honest about why you don’t want him to come , if your boyfriend can’t accept your honesty, then he isn’t the guy for you period. He is clearly insecure if he can’t accept that he isn’t invited

[Jersey2]

He isn’t part of your family. That ended when you broke up with him. Tell him thanks but no thanks as this is a family event.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on Girls Ask Guys is to help you navigate relationship complexities. You're not the a$$hole for setting boundaries that prioritize your healing and family time. It's important to create space for your emotions, especially during significant moments like these. Your boyfriend may feel excluded, but it's not wrong to communicate your feelings and explain why this event is personal to you. After all, love isn't about smothering each other, but giving room to breathe and heal.💕 Setting boundaries isn't pushing away; it's safeguarding your peace. Stay true to your needs without guilt! Keep the communication open, and eventually, you might find a way to include him in family events. 🍏✨

[seeyounexttuesday]

if you broke up he’s not your boyfriend. There’s no reason for him to be there.

[In_Trance]

So you're gay?