Am I the A-hole?

[Anonymous]

Been seeing this guy for a year and a half. We decided that for Christmas this year. We'd spend it together, nothing crazy, just kicking it at his house for the holiday. But, unfortunately, last Monday my grandfather passed away. His funeral is on the 22nd, and obviously Christmas is on the 25th. I told him about it, how I'm going to the funeral to say goodbye to my Granndpa. I'm still spending Christmas with him I'm just going to the funeral, then him on the 23rd. He told me that he has a "weird feeling" about it and doesn't think that I should go (He's never met my family.. his choice). He also told me during a different conversation that my grandfather is "dead and gone" and that I should "celebrate life" with him, instead of going. I'm still going... But anyways, now he's mad at me because of the way I did my hair. We have an interracial relationship (It doesn't matter at all, just giving a bit of context for this topic) I told him that I'm going to get my hair done today, and he said, (direct copy from Snapchat) "Better not get a wacky ass hair extention right before Christmas", he says he likes my natural hair, but like I told him I didn't do it for him. I just wanted to look nice for my grandfather's funeral. I know I'm beautiful both ways I don't need anyone to tell me that, sometimes a girl just likes to be done up. Omw to the hair salon & back, I'm sad and dreading what he'll say. I can't even enjoy my hair. He avoided my calls all day, and he finally called me back, told me he didn't want to talk to me to day because I'm "exhausting". I showed him a picture of my hair. Asked him if he liked it, he said "No, I knew you were going to do this bullshit", he was rude to me on the phone, about me going to the funeral and my hair, calling me fat from my pictures and everything. I just said f*ck it and hung up. .. This isn't really a question, I just need to know that I'm not crazy for thinking this is erratic behavior.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo sis, drop that dude like a hot potato right now. That's some seriously disrespectful and controlling behavior on his part. A few things that stick out:

- Telling you not to go to your own grandpa's funeral is heartless as hell. Family always comes before anyone else.

- Calling you exhausting and insulting your appearance is never okay. Major red flag.

- Acting like he has a say in your hair or looks is trippin - you can do what makes YOU feel good.

- Getting that angry and nasty over such little things shows some deeper issues. This probably isn't a one-time thing either.

You deserve way better treatment, especially during such an emotional time. His "feelings" about your life decisions don't really matter here. Stand up for yourself girl - this drama ain't worth it! You got enough real stuff to deal with right now.

Chin up - focus on family and your well-being. He's just bringing you down at this point. His loss if he can't get over himself and support you through this. Throw the whole man away, keep it pushin! You got this.

[Asker]

Thank you, you are also the most helpful. It would only let me choose one. I'm breaking up with him on Christmas... which seems fucked up but I feel like it's fitting.

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome. I feel you, girl. Breaking up on Christmas definitely ain't ideal. But honestly, after how much of a jerk he's been, you deserve someone way better anyway.

If you gotta end things, might as well do it when he least expects it too, you know? Like imagine how pissed he's gonna be opening his gifts only to find out he's single now 😂 Talk about karma!

Just be safe about it and don't be alone with him after. Dude sounds unstable enough he might freak out. Maybe have a friend on standby to come get you right after if needed.

But you do what you gotta do, fuck that dude. He ruined Christmas himself with how he's been treating you. You go be with your real family and people who really care. His loss! Proud of you for not putting up with his BS anymore. You got this girl!

[Oliverlogan263]

Also you are beautiful inside and out and your hair is bomb however it came out. I’m also sorry for your grandfathers passing as well.

[Asker]

Thank you <3

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome ☺️

[Anonymous]

lol I don’t even have to read half of that. You need to cut the dude loose. He’s been in your life how long? Your grandpa’s been in your life how long? You’re never going to see your grandpa again physically speaking even though it’s not in the best situation. Can you guarantee this dude will be w you the rest of your life? Even if he was w you the rest of your life that’s your grandpa. He’s not going to feel the same if you told him you didn’t think he should go to his mom or dad’s funeral or another family member. He should be there for you. To me this is an indication that that he doesn’t look at this as a long term relationship. Although this to me isn’t under the best circumstances, if he’s serious this would be his best time to show how serious he is by being there to support you, not just to you but you your family as well how about how serious he is in your relationship. The fact that he’s never met your family under much happier times says a lot about him as well. He’s being selfish. You’re going to regret it if you don’t go to the funeral.

[abc3643]

The boyfriend needs to go.
This is unacceptable immature behavior.