Am I the a-hole here?

[Anonymous]

Hey guys, MichiganMadness here. A friend of mine is like a brother to me. Has been for 15+ years. He is more family to me than my actual siblings. His son knows me as his uncle, and I don't argue that. He asked me years ago if anything happened to him, to take care of his boy. I have always stood by that.

Recently, he ended up arrested for protecting his son. I have been taking care of his son for one week today. He knows his son is with me. His (the fathers) mom knows he is with me. They are both ok with this as that's what he has always asked me to do. And that is what his son wants.

Well, i found out yesterday that my friend and his kids' mother are still technically married. Which means she has partial custody. But they have been separated for years. And I mean more than half the sons life ago. Until yesterday I was under the impression they were divorced, and she signed her rights over. So I never contacted the sons mother ( I was also asked not to by the father, son, and grandmother, and for reasons I will not get to into.) But from what I do know, the son does not feel safe at the mother's house, has seen is mom once maybe twice in a year and a half, while dealing with mental health issues as well as physical health issues. Admittedly, I only know what I am told. But again I was asked not to contact the mother. Yesterday she found out what was going on. And because the sin does not want to be there with her, the father doesn't want him there but left the decision to his son as to who he wants to stay with till we can figure all of this out, and even the grandmother (who is the sons emergency contact outside of his parents) all feel he is safer with me than with his mother. But his mother pretty much told us she was calling the cops if she comes to get him and we do not let her have him... am I the asshole for not going against the wishes of the sons Fathernal family.
I don't know what to do.. risk the kid? Or my family and career to protect him..

[TommyMountainFigure]

The kid is what matters most, so no, you aren't the a hole here.

I think you need to go to the cops yourself and tell them how he is in fear for his life because of her. Then you may need to get a lawyer because it sounds like even though she is a lunatic, she may still have legal right to at least see this go to court!

[Asker]

We have been trying to find a family lawyer. It has been a helluva time. I just wish I knew what really happened with the boys mom. Again I only know what I am told. But I have also been the parent that's been kept away from my child because the other parent wants to lie and manipulate... I mean given she straight lied to us already this week. But still

[TommyMountainFigure]

I get it, I can see from how you worded your question how stressful this all is, and I will give you three little words of advice to protect yourself and the kid.

Forewarned is forearmed! If you play chess you'll know exactly what I mean by that! look for every possible thing she can throw at you, and cover the bases so to speak.

[Asker]

That's what we have been trying to do. Realistically, I don't want anything to happen to this kid. The cops have already been involved, I have social services coming for a visit Friday afternoon, we are awaiting the fathers hearing which at this moment is TBD. Again. I have spent more than 8 hours on the phone with bonds agencies, lawyers, family lawyers, legal aid consultants, social services, children services.. the kid has medical issues that stress is like this is dangerous for. Myself have medical issues this amount of stress is not good for. And at this point I am risking my family and the business I am building over this shit. It's one of those fmfl situations.

[TommyMountainFigure]

What you're doing for that child is commendable, but it sounds like you need to get some rest also. Even for just a few hours to recharge the batteries.

[Asker]

Agreed. ALAS THAT won't BE TONIGHT! Finals week in one of my class. Deadline for some assignments are at 3 am... soooo a couple of hours, and I have not even had a chance to start

[Asker]

And thank you.

[TommyMountainFigure]

What is the assignment? Maybe I can help?

[Asker]

Most likely not. Lol. I am in school to get a degree in firearms technology. The courses this block are building a rifle based on the ar 10 platform, and the second is stock finishing and woodworking.

[Asker]

Other than that, this week's assignments are mostly based off of our thoughts on the experiences we have got to have with this block. And finals for one of the two before another class starts on Monday.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Oh damn... I have a reasonable knowledge about several varied subjects, but being in the UK where firearms are generally illegal, I know nothing! I'm sorry. Have a great 4th July though (well, as good as you can have under the circumstances)

2 thoughts I've had. 1 is given your situation, could you not apply for an extension to those assignments, and 2. Something is constantly going around my head about the child who doesn't want to stay with his mother because he feels unsafe there.. 'Unsafe' A court when deciding will never let a child go with someone they feel 'unsafe' with. 'not want to go' or 'would rather stay somewhere else' maybe, never when the term 'unsafe' This is why I think you need to reiterate that point to everyone you talk to (I guess you already have though)

[Asker]

I definitely appreciate the attempt to assist! Lol. Honestly I have thought about the extension thing myself. My big thing about that is, I am about to graduate with honors and summa cum laude. I am determined to get it done and over despite all this shit. I GOT THIS! Well I think I do 😅😅 as for being in the UK. yeah... that was the reason I decided against moving to the UK. because realistically it sounds like it's better to live in some aspects. But I like my guns way to much for that. (Clearly right? Lol)

Where we are, at his age the courts won't give him the choice till he is 16 but they "take into consideration " but when they do that... look man Americans are fucked up when it comes to their kids... people. can be manipulative af. Ik they can be there too, but it's not uncommon for parents to try and Pitt their kids against the other parent. So the courts also have to consider that. Personally I couldn't do that. My oldest kids mom took off while she was pregnant a d ghosted me. Has never allowed me to see my kid. Drug my name through the mud to every one she knows, made me. to be the bad guy and acted like I left her high and dry (even though SHE'S THE ONE who moved all the way across the country and ghosted me). And even then I would never try to sour the relationship between my kid and her mom.

[Alwayreckles93]

Not at all thebchild safety is what matters. I don't see anything wrong also if the mom wants to play this nasty game you are more then welcome to tell the cops hownof an unfit mother the woman can be. I say you are doing nothing wrong.

[Asker]

I'm asking because realistically, if I am in the wrong here, and risking the stability of my own family, my business, and my career for something that I am in the wrong for... then I do not deserve my family, business, or career.

[Alwayreckles93]

If I were you I would speak with the police. If you live in the U. S. the cops will take your side if you explain that the. Hold s mom is an unfit parent.

[Asker]

She apparently told the grandmother today that he can just stay here.

[Asker]

She apparently told the grandmother today that he can just stay here. I don't know. This is fucked

[Alwayreckles93]

It is a difficult situation.

[Asker]

Definitely