When it comes to marriage and relationships, If he proposes, and she turns him down, is the relationship over?

Question

I would suggest that it is. Years ago, Before i met my wife, I believe i was 26 at the time, was in love with a woman who i wanted to marry, We had been together for two years at the time. We had talked repeatedly about spending our lives together and getting married, even having children. So I set up a romantic outing with all of her favorite things, Got down on my knee and proposed to her. She turned me down. I got up, I said nothing, I walked away. Leaving her where she was. I think she had to walk home. She was pissed at me, She called me, and i politely explained to her that i was done with her, that if she didn't want marriage, i was not going to waste my time with her any more. I told her that she was essentially dead to me, and that her stuff would be in a box on my front porch (she lived with me about 50% of the time). As of now, i am 41 and she is 38. She is still single, No children, No family, Alone. From what her friends told me about her situation, she also attempted suicide a few times and spent time in and out of the hospital. This is the life she condemned her self to. I have ZERO sympathy for her.

My opinion is this, If the man proposes, does everything right, makes an effort, And she says no, Any further association is a waste of time, and she becomes unworthy of marriage.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

In most cases, but not always. It mainly depends on HOW and WHY your proposal was rejected.

1. PROPOSING TO SOMEONE WITH PAST TRAUMA: For instance, some couples agree to love one another but DON'T get married (living together and happy just without the contract, which some folks do for their own reasons in today's world). So in such matters the proposal might be an unwanted surprise. You might choose to stay together after a heart-to-heart review of the situation because you're basically happy together already. (I've seen these work out. It's usually the result of one or both people's lives being impacted by a harsh divorce or separation with a previous partner... or perhaps their parents' divorce/separation. They're very happy being with you but the concept "marriage" is triggering, so being committed and exclusive without marriage IS the healthier and more fulfilling choice for them. They are giving and accepting love on their own terms, without "the marriage trap" they're afraid of.) Don't pester and try to convince the other person to marry in such a case.

2. PROPOSING DESPITE "REALITY CHECK" MOMENTS: In cases where it's absolutely "over," couples have typically been complaining about deficiencies (in each other or in the overall relationship) that aren't being heard... so there's an expanding rift that only becomes crystal clear when one person rejects the other's proposal (to move in, to marry, etc.). In these cases it's important to make a clean break so you can move on.

3. PROPOSING WHEN YOU & YOUR PARTNER AREN'T MARRIAGE MATERIAL: In cases like what you're describing, where one person is mentally unstable and the other is cold and unsympathetic... what kind of marriage would that actually lead to? There's no potential there. Why would you possibly want to be in something that is already failing before it starts because neither one of you is marriage material?

WHY STAY TOGETHER? If a couple stays together despite the rejection of the proposal it's important to discuss why they'll try to stay together. It doesn't always work. You have to make sure that neither of you is staying because you're just afraid to leave and be alone.

"IT'S BETTER TO HAVE LOVE & LOST..." Whatever the situation, try not to think of it as "a waste of time." In the end, you did get to experience the gift of love together for a moment in time, which isn't granted to everyone.

Danielle93 · Accepted Answer

Yes. This is the same, exact way many women would react if they want marriage and their man is stringing them along, refusing to propose or the equivalent of telling a woman ''you're good enough as a girlfriend but not as a wife''. Frankly, I can't think of anyone (man or woman) that would take it kindly to being told no to marriage. It's a rejection of the highest order.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

I'm here to share my expertise in relationships and to help you navigate tricky situations like these! 🎢 From your story, it's clear that proposals can be a defining moment, kind of like the climax in a romance novel. If someone turns down a proposal, it doesn’t always mean the relationship is over; sometimes it’s about timing or personal readiness. But if marriage is your only goal, then her refusal might be a dealbreaker, a massive red flag if you will. It's crucial to align on future goals, though! 😊 Everyone's path to love is unique, and no one should feel forced to accept a proposal unless they're fully committed. 💍

Summeroflove · Answer

Well that just depends on the whole situation some people just aren’t ready yet as where other people are dragging you along future faking…. As it seems she was doing to you. But the other side of the token is rushing marriage too fast.

Marriage is a huge decision to make you want to know it’s the right person. But it seems she was doing you a favor I do think you handled the situation immaturely though. You should have been the bigger person not that you should have stayed with her.

But you’re right sone people future fake. They waste your time because they secretly are searching for someone better then you but are wanting someone to fall back on if all else fails. They can talk all day about wanting to get married but actions speak louder then words.

At the same time… If a man or woman is pushing marriage too soon. I also think it’s reasonable to say no. If there hasn’t been any talks of future plans or anything else.

ShellyB · Answer

There is an exception to everything but most of the time I think the answer is yes.

I also think, and I mentioned this recently on another topic, you should not propose if you do not know she will say. yes, and if a guy proposes and gets a no, that also indicates that communication is not good. If you understand each other you can know if she will say yes without literally asking. JMO!

AviatorTom · Answer

Not necessarily. Look at Leonard and Penny on the Big Bang Theory TV shoe. She turned him down several times before getting happily married. I know a few couples who did the same... she turned him down at first.

Screenwriter · Answer

The woman who refuses your proposal of marriage is not necessarily "unworthy" of marriage. How about, "not ready?"

And if you ARE ready and that's your ultimate goal, you're correct, the relationship is over.

However, the fact that she remained alone and attempted suicide has nothing to do with her not marrying you. It sounds like her decision to not marry you was a symptom of other issues that still plague her.

I wouldn't remain angry and dismissive of her. Her plight is sad. And you're lucky to have moved on to find someone you could develop a relationship with. IT's a good thing she turned you down. She knew it wouldn't work.

Ferngully2000 · Answer

I don’t think it’s clear cut as that. Granted your ego would have taken a dent as a result of the rejection, but the bigger picture here is that some people simply do not want to get married ever, doesn’t matter who to.

Their childhood and external environment growing up accounts for a lot and sometimes it completely puts someone off the idea of marriage.

I have met many friend couples who have been together for years/decades and never married. Their relationship isn’t of any less value compared to those who are married.

So I guess what I’m saying unless you clearly know that she didn’t want to marry YOU, she may have never wanted to marry anyone because she simply doesn’t value it.

Miristheiss · Answer

It is over.

Weak men will keep waiting until she is ready and stick around.

Strong men will just leave. The answer was no. That's that. No reason the stay with that person anymore.

If she doesn't know she wants to be with you then her desire/attraction for you is low and she's stalling to see if better options come along.

Bail and walk away.

AnonAndrew · Answer

Not necessarily, but usually. I think it depends a lot on the person. I would consider the relationship over.

By the way: your answer alternatives are poorly written. :(

Please try to write better options for future polls. No insult intended, just thought I should let you know of an area of improvement. :)

lilBigPotato · Answer

It depends. If he purposes very early in a relationship it might just feel like it's not the right moment yet or there might be other valid reasons but assuming none of that applies then yea it's pretty much over.

I think you should test the waters before proposing. Bring up the topic in some way or form, just see how she feels about it before doing it to at least have some idea

Anonymous · Answer

"if a woman says no to me when I'm ready she is unworthy and deserves misery"

This is why men disgust me. There are men like you walking around. I understand why she said no. And sounds like she ain't so dead to you, knowing details about her years later mister rejected

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Yes after two years you know if this is the right person or not.. So you did well by moving on.

Anonymous · Answer

Why would want to keep a "relationship" if it was turned down?

When it comes to more than 1 wife being allowed in Islam, you get convulsions. Yet you want you keep the door of multiple "relationships" open.

The hypocrisy is shining !!!

dustybiker2 · Answer

"If the nuke has gone off can we hit the button again?" It's over...

red-lipstick-girl · Answer

In the end, the relationship ends in a short and clear way.

blackeagle007 · Answer

It’s a risk to propose. It’s an all or nothing thing. Never been in that position. Don’t think I’d wanna marry. Companionship is all for me

Twalli · Answer

If I've gotten to the point where I am proposing, it's either engagement or a breakup.

MikeRJ · Answer

I wouldn't think it wouldn't bode well for their future.

Anonymous · Answer

It's not that you decided to give up that is the problem it's the way you handled it. There was no need to be cruel about it. If you really cared about this person you would have been much more gentle with her. I don't agree with or approve of your attitude or the way you handled it. I don't think you had the feelings for her that you claim you did. She may have very well made the right choice because you sound vindictive and nasty.

MoonFace2 · Answer

No, I agree with you.

Eros91 · Answer

Definitely I think so anyways.

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