Was I in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

So my girlfriend has been staying at a guys house a few nights a week. The guy used to be my friend and he currently has his own girlfriend. One night she asked me if I could buy her alcohol, I of course said no because she was 20 and she was staying at his house that night. She then replied with "Ok, I got other people, I was just asking you first". Keep in mind the guys girlfriend is over 21 so she could buy it, but my girlfriend said that she doesn't buy it for him because she doesn't want his mom mad at her. After her comment, I got really pissed and broke things off because she was already spending more time with him than me (4 nights a week).. What do you all think?

[DishLady]

Just walk away from all those people. They all sound crazy.

[Sevenpointfive]

sounds like a solid deal. don't buy her anything or give her money. use her like she thinks she's using you

[Asker]

I can't do that sadly.. I have to much love and kindness in my heart to let anyone feel bad. I put everyone before me USUALLY. Situation matters sometimes..

[Sevenpointfive]

i learned some time ago that you have to include yourself in that love and kindness. if you don't put yourself at the forefront then there is not going to be any love to give.

[Asker]

I'm starting to realize one thing. I can't let anyone try and control my actions. I'm not good with confrontation, but I don't like feeling like crap.

[Sevenpointfive]

that's huge! that might be the number one! never let anyone control you.

[Asker]

Yeah, you live and you learn for sure!

[Asker]

So much stuff to learn. Gotta keep your head up high.

[Sevenpointfive]

if you need to talk i'm here.

[Asker]

Deal! I've never been into the whole therapist type of thing, but honestly, I need people that I don't know on a personal level to talk to..

[Sevenpointfive]

i don't have many friends either

[Asker]

I have like 4 friends. None of them that I talk to about personal things.

[Sevenpointfive]

well. i might not be aggreable to all of you topics but i definitely have opinions

[Asker]

Everyone has their own! It's good to hear multiple sides. Unless it's just purely hateful than those don't matter. Differing opinions can still have care for sure.

[Sevenpointfive]

peek mine. they are quite audacious

[Asker]

I will😂

[Asker]

The colorblind one had me going😂

[Sevenpointfive]

i can't help myself lol

[Asker]

Clearly😂😂 It's great though😂

[Sevenpointfive]

i'm glad one person appreciates

[Abbycado]

Yeah that is weird tbh. Why is she staying the night at all? One thing to hang out with a friend...

[Asker]

It's one of her only friends and she likes to play a video game that he likes too. I dont like playing it though. She started by going over there like once a week but then asked if she could stay the night and i said no. She asked multiple time after that across a couple of days and i eventually said yes. And then it just kept going, accumulating more days of the week.

[Abbycado]

So, I have a boyfriend. We go to the same university. Myself and roommates have guy friends from the adjacent hall. They will come and hang out. At the end of the night, they leave.

What I am saying is that it would not be normal or right of me to allow them to stay the night when I have a boyfriend. You need to talk to her about that part of it. One thing to hangout, a completely different thing to spend the night.

[Asker]

Thats the way i think it should be. I dont like the whole idea of staying the night somewhere when im in a relationship (only with the opposite sex).
I guess she wanted to hang out more i have no idea.. I started suspecting something more going on, but she talked me out of that by saying "she doesn't find him attractive and he has a girlfriend". I really really didn't want her to start staying the night but it seemed like she couldnt take no for an answer. She just kept asking. I have talked to her about it and she says that she feels regret about it but if that was the case why did she do it and keep doing it. Only when were broken up she feels regret. I dont understand that part..

[Abbycado]

I don't think it is wrong to say that part of it has to stop. I say that for the above reason that it is just not normal but also because of one other little thing you mention. Alcohol.

People do stupid shit when they have too much. I'd tell her that it is fine to hang out but the other part is not necessary. If she cares, she will understand how you feel. If she doesn't, she needs to decide what's important to her.

Like if they are truly just going to sleep, why not come home and go to sleep there? I mean, you're asleep. Her saying "I don't find him attractive"... okay. She may be totally truthful. However, do you think she is going to admit the opposite?

I'd not be happy if my boyfriend was doing this and we are not the type of couple that gets insecure. He goes out to campus parties with just the guys same as I go with the girls. At the end of the night, we both go to our respective dorms.

[Asker]

I agree with the not normal part. And ESPECIALLY the alcohol part. They smoke weed every time, so why would they need alcohol. I mean we both have a tolerance to thc, but you still get high.. And alcohol DEFINITELY makes some people different, especially when having too much. I tried telling her, but she defended her staying there with the same reasons (not attracted, nothing happening, etc). So I guess maybe she didn't care all too much.

EXACTLY, especially when its 5 minutes away. I was so tempted to stop by there one night by surprise and see what was up, but i never did. Id think shed want to sleep with me in a bed rather than alone on a couch. I dont think she would, she has lied multiple times before about some things that i found out on my own. Every time she has lied, i had good intuition and eventually found out the lie.

I dont think of myself insecure at all. My family honestly has really good intuition all around. So when i think something is up, something is probably up. That sounds 100% trustful.

[Abbycado]

Yeah, this is not a good situation the more you talk about what she has done in the past with lies etc. I think you just need to say to her that she needs to make a choice. That's it.

[Asker]

Yeah, it was a relationship that shouldve ended a long time ago..

[Asker]

Most people would NOT stick around.. i had hope for it..

[Abbycado]

I would not put up with it and would have left.

[Asker]

Can I add you and tell you the whole story? I want your opinion on everything. If not, thats fine, I know people have lives😂

[Abbycado]

It's cool. I am just chilling for a while before heading to dinner later. Classes are done for me today.

[Asker]

Alright, just keep in mind it may take like 30 minutes😅😅 Yay for classes being done

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love drama, always keeping things spicy, huh? Balancing trust and emotions can be tricky. It's understandable to feel uncomfortable with your girlfriend staying over at her guy friend's house so often, especially when communication feels off. Her comment about getting alcohol elsewhere might have been the last straw. Relationships are all about trust and boundaries, but if you already felt uneasy about her staying over so often, maybe this situation just highlighted deeper issues. It sounds like breaking things off might have been a necessary step for your peace of mind and to reassess boundaries. Remember, trust and clear communication are vital. Keep your love life balanced, my friend. 🌟

[Dina2000]

Has she given you a reason not to trust her?

[Asker]

If you only knew... i would tell you the whole story, but im scared someone i know would realized who i was

[Asker]

To answer your question.. many many reasons..

[Dina2000]

Then not over reacting.

[Asker]

I've done a couple things that I'm not proud of, but NEVER behind her back. I can't do stuff behind peoples backs. Then I'd have to lie and keep secrets. I want to live a truthful life..

[Anonymous]

No, you weren't wrong.

[Asker]

I mean love just fell over time. It was probably a month or 2 that that was happening. I just felt so distanced and when she asked that, i didn't think i could keep going

[Opinion Owner]

You deserve better and can't continue to put yourself through that heartache and pain.

[Asker]

I can't wait to find the right girl to share my life with. I have to work on myself for now. Maybe when im 30 ill date someone again. I definitely couldnt take it anymore..

[Opinion Owner]

Expect the Unexpected when it comes to finding love. She could be out their tomorrow or a few months down the road. Just be ready when the opportunity presents itself.

[Asker]

I hope it comes out of no where. That would be a blessing.

[Anonymous]

Leave her.

[Asker]

I did.

[Opinion Owner]

Good

[Asker]

Definitely

[Whyhim]

Don’t save her.

[Asker]

I dont plan on it. I need to live my life.

[Whyhim]

I’m proud of you. Life your life on your own goals and plans. A partner can come along and contribute to it, but no one should make you feel you’re being used or not a priority.

[Asker]

Thank you! It took me a while but im ready. 100% truth. I felt like i was never a priority.