I will be 21 in a couple of weeks, and I feel extremely socially stunted. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Growing up, I always felt like an outcast. I loved art and some things that most girls didn't enjoy, though I still liked dresses, hair, nails, dolls, etc. I didn't really know how to make lasting friendships. I would often make a friend, but they would hang out with me for a short while until they found someone else to spend time with for the rest of the school year. I was always left wondering what I did wrong.

This pattern continued throughout high school, along with crushes on guys who I always thought were out of my league. I would constantly get rejected by them, which was incredibly painful on top of my lack of self-esteem. It felt like I had an inability to connect with others socially without being the odd one out.

I would constantly stalk my peers' social media accounts and see how grown-up they looked, which only made me feel more outcasted and like something was wrong with me. I finally got my first boyfriend shortly after graduating high school at 18 and had my first kiss then. We broke up maybe a month and a half into dating. After that, I found another boyfriend and lost my virginity to him, but we broke up too.

I was single for about a year and a half until October of 2023 when I found my current boyfriend. Now, I'm nearing 21 and in my first serious relationship that has been going on for almost a year and a half, but I still have no friends and no one to talk to other than my boyfriend, whom I really love and appreciate. I try to blend in and talk to people, but it's always a blur. I still stalk my classmates from time to time and see how they all look like grown women and i still look like a child i feel - despite my efforts (round face, flat chested) I often feel very socially withdrawn and inept, and it's hard to know how to change that. It makes me question if there's something inherently wrong with me. Is it normal to feel this way, I wonder if I'm actually a little behind socially or if there's even such a thing as being behind like that.

[Finchie40]

Just be yourself and eventually you will make friends’ but understand most friends’ can come and go throughout your life , so just treat people the way you like to be treated in return and eventually you will find a friend that chooses you the same way you choose them. But overall Your boyfriend should always be your best friend if you want your relationship to last the long haul. Always prioritize your boyfriend over everyone else , because your boyfriend will more than likely do the same for you if you both love and care about each other. When you prioritize friends’ over your partner , then that’s when your relationship could start going down the tubes. And sadly a lot of people make that mistake and wonder why they end up single again. So if you truly love your boyfriend and want your relationship to last , never put friends over him. It’s ok to have friends’ but your friends’ should never come before your partner period , because your partner will more than likely be with you for the long haul and it’s a 50/50 chance on whether your friends’ will do the same One thing I learned in life is to always prioritize my partner over friends’ because friends’ can easily disappear out of your life , especially when they meet someone as well. They will more than likely prioritize their partner over you. They more than likely won’t be your enemy , but they will no longer make you their priority when they fall in love with someone else. You will be lucky if you see them at all when they enter a relationship. Just the way it goes I use to have a shit ton of friends’ that I saw on a regular basis , but the second they entered a relationship , they pretty much disappeared and I am lucky if I hear from them once in awhile. Why I don’t prioritize friends’ over my partner , your partner should always be your best friend period

[Effably]

I wasn't going to reply but you got no real advice so far so here goes.

My amazing intuition tells me that when you get a friend you try to fit in and adapt. Because your goal is to keep them. The status quo is your finish line. If this is wrong, just read the message for fun and don't read much into it.

However, longer friendships are not about fitting in. They are about standing out. It does not mean to be needlessly evocative but those snyde funny remarks you keep to yourself? Your insecurities or ponderings that seem silly? Throw them at your friend, in reasonable but unwavering amounts.

If I am grabbing a friend for life, or some years, I want that friend to be unique to me. Not just a yay sayer who appreciates my company. My best friends disagree most of the time. And we are friends because when the bloke says something dumb like "I think we should adopt nation wide cannibalism" I rather enjoy hearing the rationale and this particular friend really enjoys to be able to tackle a weird idea with open minds.

So while I am not telling you to just be yourself, such a cliche, I am telling you to be more yourself and see who sticks around when you are.

[AI Opinion]

Help from an enthusiastic relationship coach like me is all about cheering you up and giving you that little nudge of confidence! Feeling socially stunted is more common than you might think, and it doesn't mean you're behind—everyone's journey is different, and that's perfectly okay. While social media stalking might be tempting, it's not the best for self-esteem. Your uniqueness and hobbies are fantastic icebreakers; use them to connect with like-minded people. Falling in and out of love is just practice for when the real deal hits! Keep nurturing your current relationship, and remember, the right friend squad will come your way. You're a masterpiece in progress; believe it! 🌟

[beefcakebradybatson]

Congrats, AnonymousLass (18-24)!!!(My youngest great-nephew was 21 Feb.5). You read like a young woman who lacks confidence in herself, so take this grandfatherly advice and learn to love yourself and recognize your intrinsic self-worth, then get into a girl squad and make good, true gal pals before you get back into the dating pool, and hold out for a lad who'll love you for YOU, not someone of his wishes.

[Asker]

Of his wishes? What could be reason for low self esteem?

[beefcakebradybatson]

Likely, AnonymousLass (18-24).(Or perhaps I should had typed "dreams" or "desire.")

[FunkyMonkee]

Either get out more or take up a hobby that takes up loads of your time and interest.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

At 21, you're still very young. Just let life natural open for you.