Would you be upset if your partner has plastic surgery without telling you first?

[itsannalee]

[abc3643]

Likely yes - especially if I was interested in having children with her. If I wasn't planning on having kids with her, I'd be less concerned but only slightly.

Here's why and there's two aspects to this:

1. Passing on genes to children.

If your partner is someone you plan to mate with, then you have to expect that his / her genes will be passed along. If you form a couple based on looks and assumed that your partners good looks were based on genes and not cosmetic surgery, then not knowing the truth leads to a decision of marriage and having kids that you might not otherwise have made. So, not revealing you've had cosmetic surgery is a form of fraud. Furthermore, not revealing that fact is ever worse ethically. So, that's two strikes right there.

2. Second, the person who has cosmetic surgery is insecure with themselves. Many men was a woman who is secure with herself and can accept herself because, not only is she secure, she's more likely to be accepting of his faults - especially as they get older and looks change.

[Bricealan]

@itsannalee Of course not.

I, for one, am considering a "Nip - tuck" in the near future or possibly a full face/neck lift to tighten up some skin. My lady friend had a full face/neck life but I did not think she needed it, honestly !

[chocolatetwopointo]

no i dont get the problem? why is being natural so important? i get makeup, bc u can remove it, but plastic surgery is permanent so whats the problem?

[itsannalee]

The problem is some people are stupid enough to think that surgery plastic isn’t always bad, they think all surgery plastic are like those failed surgery who make people look older or uglier than their natural look, even there is s girl here think that botox could make 50 yo woman looks 25 😂😂😂

[chocolatetwopointo]

yeah! and when anyone shows them somebody that did a successful surgery, they dont believe u. like madison beer, js wait till they find that out

[Nikki1989]

How would your partner have surgery without you knowing?

[Bricealan]

@Nikki1989 My partner just left work for an extended? vacation" ? I did not know why she was not at work. She was from Trinidad and I though she went back there to visit family.

[AI Opinion]

As a relationship coach here on GAG, I've seen how communication can play a massive role in keeping love alive. If a partner decides on plastic surgery without a heads-up, it could feel like a red flag for future surprises, right? 🚩 But hey, we all deserve to feel good in our skin, so try chatting about why they went solo on the decision. Open dialogue can mend hearts and avoid any potential ghosting vibes.💬💕

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, that is far too important for my wife to make that decision without discussing it with me.

[Sonorous]

Before or during the relationship?

[LouieLouie69]

Absolutely not!! Perhaps disappointed but it’s her decision and it’s NOT about me. I would not have an opinion about it anyway. It’s a decision best left to the individual. Not a partnership or community. There are 3 in any relationship ( even friends) there’s 1) you, 2) me and 3) “ US” two INDIVIDUALS create a 3rd party entity “US” and ANYTIME one of the individuals is forced to abandoned something they have been passionate about, change a attribute or character, not allowed to be OPENLY THEMSELF ( no subject is off limits, NOTHING TABOO) The “ US” will ALWAYS suffer!! 2 different, open and respected individuals make the very strongest “US” the more tolerant, accepting and encouraging they are to each other the stronger the “ US” will be. There is ALWAYS 3 in ANY relationship!!

[ChicoFromThe305]

I don't know how I'd react but it's not something I'd feed into so if they did, it would definitely lead to a discussion and if I don't like the new look they shouldn't expect me to hide my expression to such changes not being something I like.

[itsannalee]

So is this also meant you like someone only based on their appearance?

[ChicoFromThe305]

No but ever heard of the saying if it's not broken don't fix it? Well if I accepted someone into my life the way they are then im sure I can speak for everyone that their appearance is a part of that way they are, for them to just change it, they shouldn't expect an unrealistic reaction from me is all I'm saying, mostly since I'm always the one to try to make the person feel good in their own skin with their natural appearance, it's like you liking pizza for the way it originally is and then they start changing it by adding things you weren't complaining about

[itsannalee]

What if someone really insecure about their part of body. Some changes can fix some confidence.

[ChicoFromThe305]

But at what cost tho Anna? In some ways it's messing with a balance, I'm sure you can agree that appearance plays some importance, not the full part, but when you fall for someone you psychologically link their personality to their current appearance, I don't think plastic surgery is a healthy solution to insecurities because its much easier to see it in the perspective of the insecure person but their partner doesn't see or have that biasness towards their appearance so the person might only be making things worse, think of it, for example you don't like your nose so you change it, how would you feel if you partner deeply liked and loved the nose you previously had and changed, would that really make you feel better?

[itsannalee]

If this is me, actually my body my rules. I wouldn’t ask anyone opinion to do something on my body, tattoos, surgery or anything. For me that’s my right, and if someone doesn’t like me after i did that, i’m sure i’ll find someone else who likes it.

[ChicoFromThe305]

You probably will, I don't doubt that, but you'd actually throw away a long relationship away in this situation? Is that what you are saying?

Let me ask you something Anna, will having everything your way always be worth it no matter what is lost?

[ChicoFromThe305]

Sometimes what you have is better than what you want and at some points these two cross paths and reaches a point of choice

[ChicoFromThe305]

I can give an example if you want

[itsannalee]

Yes sure, for me i will always support what my man does. Even though when people hate him, I don’t care about that. But it also means they have to do the same, someone who loves me should be able to love what I love to.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Even if it's something they believe is unnecessary or even harmful to you? Support and having your back isn't always agreeing with you on everything, a big part of it is caring for you and worrying about you and/ or your health.

Another question for the Anna, in this specific situation of insecurity, would you really consider surgery and body modification before you consider therapy or mindset aid?

I like to believe there's always another way, for the most part a better way, sometimes the people we care about have good intentions in place even if it doesn't seem that way.

[itsannalee]

Yes.

And why people who do reasonable surgery need therapy?
For example, some people have really big nose, or even have downturned eyes who make them look unattractive. It’s still fine if they want to get a little surgery to make them feel more confident.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I get where you are coming from and I can understand it to some point but I can't seem to fully wrap my head around it cause as someone that struggled with insecurities when I was younger I realized the changes I had to make were mental changes, not changes to what I thought were the issue, I have a big nose and when I was younger I didn't like it but I worked on myself and I because secure with who I am and I think anyone can do that, it doesn't take them having to change how they are to achieve that, for me to not tell my woman she is beautiful just the way she is and trying to talk her out of making a decision like this out of an emotion I know can change without such actions can be more harmful than good, because all she needs is for her to grow self conscious about something else and she's back to relying on the same solution every time.

[ChicoFromThe305]

You look the way you are and tbh shame on anyone that tries to push you or support you to changing that to match a manmade standard

[madgoat]

In a stable long term relationship, is expect this to be discussed beforehand. Depending on the type, there may be life changing risks or cosmetic changes attached.

[Ad_Quid_Orator]

Barring a sudden life threatening emergency I'd be mad if my partner had any surgery without telling me (and my partner feels the same about me).

[LiamJHayden]

Unless it is a lunchtime rhinoplasty or Lunchtime Lipo, how would the partner not know? Is it a LDR?

[TallAnon]

Yeah, that's a large thing to decide; Having some input would be nice.
If I came home with a tattoo on my face, I'm sure we'd have a talk too

[robocop666]

There is a story of a man in China and he sued his wife for this and won. This is because the kids did not look like either of them. Research this yourself I cannot confirm.

[fuddly]

Like when a girl has fake boobs and meets a new guy

Eventually the guy will discover they are fake

[msc545]

No, their medical decisons are their business, not mine.

[Bklynbadboy12]

That depends on what type of plastic surgery she has

[Agape93]

Yeah, I'd be the one taking care of her

[bowenw]

I suppose it would depend on the surgery.

[exitseven]

Yes, what if she died on the table?

[itsannalee]

If she died, she wouldn’t care if you mad or not 😂

[exitseven]

yes, but I would be upset.

[dustybiker2]

I wouldn't be with someone who would do that..

[AnonAndrew]

Heh, depends on how she looked after. :)

[Theguywhogoesnude]

Yes no plastic surgery

[andreasderjuengere]

Only, if I'm asked to cover the costs :D

[Drumlin2001]

Yes, should be discussed

[In_Trance]

That's grounds for divorce

[itsannalee]

Ohh lucky her 🥰🥰

[Staximus]

That's a deal breaker

[nawtee_me]

Yes I would. @itsannalee would you?

[CubaPirate]

Yes I think I would be

[NicholasRedone]

I would

[NicholasRedone]

Upset yes

[lucass120]

not really

[dudeinohio]

Absolutely

[QuestionObsession]

I would be furious

[MrTaboo]

yes. very

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Yes.

[Amur8711]

Yes I would