Would travelling with my bfs parents to their vacation home be a nightmare or a wise idea? why would my bfs mom say this?

[Anastacia1989]

My bfs parents bought a tropical vacation home out of the country ( in the USA) and my boyfriend and his dad were both telling me to get a passport and I did.

My bfs mom originally told me and my boyfriend that I could come down South with them next year in the fall but now my bfs mom told my boyfriend she doesn’t allow me to come because we’re not married and I’m not her daughter in law. My boyfriend got pissed and told her that it’s serious between me and him and that we’re together for 3 years already and she said that’s their rules and their house.

why did his mom change her mind about me coming togther with my boyfriend if she likes me so much?

( she’s always hugging me and she bought me a very generous bday gift as well and she always feeds me. I also always come to his family get togethers and always have bought gifts for my bfs nieces and nephews as well).

Not recommended / explain why

Good idea

Updates

1 y

Is my bfs mom trying to indirectly encourage her son to marry me?

Updates

1 y

His mom always hugs me and got me a generous bday gift as well and she’s very caring warm and welcoming towards me every time I go to her place.
She was also concerned about me when I was injured as well

[Finchie40]

It sounds like his Mom is trying to encourage her son to propose to you and to stop dragging his feet , you been together for 3 years and his mom already considers you a part of the family so she is trying to get her son to make it official is my guess.

[Anastacia1989]

So she likes me and wants her son to give me a ring?

[Finchie40]

It sounds like it to me , if she is very nice to you and giving to you , she probably already considers you a part of the family or wants you to be a part of the family , so she is making her son realize what he has to make it official , without it being official, his mom is not sure on whether she should be close to you or not. I dealt with the same thing with my kids’ and their partners’ I didn’t really include their partners in everything until I knew they were in it for the long haul and not the short haul. When my kids’ were dating I was polite to their partners’ but I didn’t consider them family , so I wouldn’t include them in everything we did as a family , until I felt like they were really in it for the long haul. Because what would be the point of doing so , if they were just in it for the short haul. In your case you were with your boyfriend for 3 years so his Mom got to know you and got closer to you , but she still isn’t sure what her son is going to do? so his Mom is going to exclude you from things until she knows you are in it for the long haul and not the short haul. She is telling her son to wake up and propose to you so you can be an official part of the family

[Anastacia1989]

I’m already included in every family get together and we always go to family stuff together - this is the only thing his mom is saying no to me about

[Finchie40]

That is weird that they are excluding you from that but not everything else? If I was your boyfriend and my mom said you couldn’t come on the trip because we aren’t married? I would say fine and not go on that trip and stay with you instead and tell them to have a blast , cuz I am not going without my girlfriend , but that’s just how I see things when it comes to relationships.

[Anastacia1989]

Should I confront his mom that I know what she said to her son? (In a polite way obviously)
Or should I let it slide?

[Anastacia1989]

Secondly I am in a single parent home and his mom hasn’t yet met my mom

[NoOneEver]

The parents clearly plan on doing activities where they won’t be able to account for the both of you at all times.

And they’re uncomfortable with promoting such a romantic setting, and thought the better of it, even though they obviously like you a whole lot which is why they suggested it in the first place. They believe in marriage before sex.

So the only way to go along with them on the vacation now is to either disappoint their expectations by letting them know that you two have already gone that far if you have. Or to respect their wishes and plan something else to do while they go on vacation.

[Anastacia1989]

My boyfriend and I have been intimate for the last 3 years now and secondly they know I stay over at his place and they know we’re serious

[Anastacia1989]

Do you think his mom is trying to encourage her son to propose to me?

[NoOneEver]

Possibly. Maybe she’s implying that he should stop stringing you along and playing games and to settle down already?

[Anastacia1989]

He’s loyal to me and there’s no game playing here

[Anastacia1989]

His mom always hugs me and got me a generous bday gift as well and she’s very caring towards me

[NoOneEver]

Well then I’m sure you’re in as good a position as any for your relationship to take the next step.

[Anastacia1989]

My boyfriend keeps asking me to get a job outside of the home and thinks working from home isn’t enough because he wants the bills 50/50….. is this sounding reasonable or unreasonable?
I don’t wann move in unless he gives me a ring lol

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the world of in-laws can be as tricky as a game of emotional Jenga! The shift in your boyfriend's mom's stance might feel like a plot twist. It could be a cultural or personal belief about unmarried couples, or maybe she’s trying to encourage a serious step like marriage. Her warm gestures show she values you, even if her rule feels like a “red flag” to your excitement. Keep communicating with your boyfriend about how both of you feel, and remember—relationships are all about compromise and understanding. Love can be tricky, but that’s all part of the adventure, right? 🌴💑

[bowenw]

It seems like she is encouraging you and her son to get married. I suggest you discuss it with him.

[Anastacia1989]

My boyfriend keeps asking me to get a job outside of the home and thinks working from home isn’t enough because he wants the bills 50/50….. is this sounding reasonable or unreasonable?
I don’t wann move in unless he gives me a ring lol
I don’t believe in common law types of relationships because I think people get too comfortable and then nothing happens

[bowenw]

Don't sell yourself short. If you aren't interested in working outside the home, do not change. If you want to be married before you move in with your husband, stick to your guns. Also in many marriages, the bills are not split. The couple works together to achieve their goals such as having a family. If you become a stay-at-home mom, it will be impossible for you to pay half of the bills, so he needs to rethink his belief that bills should be split.

[Anastacia1989]

We don’t want any kids - I personally don’t want any that’s for sure and we mutually agree on that one but the 50/50 thing is unreasonable you think?

[bowenw]

It is unreasonable as one may have a higher paying job. In my opinion a couple should pool their resources rather than trying to run the relationship like a business.

[Staximus]

Either A she's being stupid and religious, or B she's trying to light a fire under your boyfriend's ass so he asks you to marry him already

[Staximus]

If the mom makes you feel welcome in her home when you are there, then she might be secretly working for you haha

[Anastacia1989]

Ya I was just thinking that as well lol

[Anastacia1989]

She’s trying to motivate her son to propose to me?

[Staximus]

I think so

[Anonymous]

Tell her that she needs to get him to stop having cold feet and propose already.

[DrPepper12]

Is she old school or religious?

[Anastacia1989]

Nope very liberal and open and friendly. She always hugs me and feeds me and was worried about me when I got injured recently.
I’m always welcome inher home as well…. his mom is more social than his dad to be honest as well