Do you think narcissists always have a plan to discard you long before they do?

[Summeroflove]

I’ve noticed most narcissists seem to have a plan. If they are leaving someone they got their next person all planned out. If it’s divorce they have it all planned out they know how they are going to smear you, people to join thier smear campaign, how they are going to set you up to look like the villain, and how they are going to get the most from you.

The worst part is most people will have no idea when these plans start. Many times because it starts when the relationship is still seemingly going well because many of the narcissists over compensate when they start planning or start cheating. They will actually for a while seem better…. But that’s only to keep you from being suspicious eventually it will become miserable and by that point they already got you.

[IslaTheWitch]

they don't plan it... just like everyone, they want to have someone to love...

just every mental condition adds new challenges...

[Nikki1989]

It is known as the idealization, devaluation, and discard cycle. I have read about it in psychology books.

[Avicenna]

I suspect that they don't think about doing it until they suffer "narcissistic injury", at which point they can't wait to get rid of someone.

[fartingspinster]

I think it depends on the narcissist.
Some latch on to their prey and are satisfied because they have full and complete control which feeds their ego consistently. But also some of these are loyal and dont want the societal gossip and status loss if divorced or with partner changes - its seen as a failure. These men often times force the female to be house ridden, so they have no competition with their partners and they can flirt if needed outside of the home and then also come home and have the full attention of their wives.

On top of that, they dont have to worry about their wife mixing and talking to men, but continue with the double standard of talking and innocently flirting with girls.

Then you have the players I guess... where they feed off the drama in relationships and controlling the female's interactions but still letting her live her life. So they dont overtly tell her "dont have guy friends, dont work" they will create issues out of nothing, withhold love and create so much drama, and no matter how much she negotiates it wears her down until she stops interacting and withers and loses her flare for life.
Then when he becomes the centre of her world, he can't handle that attention because he wants to still live his life and not have to answer to anyone about where he's going and what he's doing (radio silence when he's out of the house). He starts to get annoyed, so he finds a new victim that will start the cycle again because he's bored with the victim he's created since they are submissive, depressed and combative all at the same time. He prefers angelic, flare for life or a reason for people to envy him. But he loses all of that because of who he is...

I realize I spoke as the narcissist being male (my own bias from life). I feel like female narcissists work differently, im just not sure how or it they are the same pattern.

[Summeroflove]

I ABSOLUTELY AGREE! I also think there is different degrees of narcissists as well I think some are more nefarious then others.

I think that some just lack the ability to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. They can only see things form their perspectives but don’t mean to and don’t realize the harm they cause others.

The second type are the indifferent ones. If the ends justify the means. It’s about getting what they want. They don’t necessarily get off on causing someone pain but they don’t care either if it means getting their wants and needs met.

The worst kind are people who feed and suck off someone’s misery. They love hurting someone they get off to it.

[Summeroflove]

But I also agree many of them have to frame themselves in the best light and smear the other person. Many times it starts long before they know it in stages where they think things are still going good

[fartingspinster]

I read somewhere that narcissism and empaths are two sides of the same coin. They each go through something traumatic, but depending on whether they blame themselves or their surroundings - they become either an empathy or a narcissist.
Probably explains why they attract each other... one completes the other since neither are a whole person. As humans, we need discernment to know when certain things are our fault and when they are external factors. Neither of these personalities have both... they seem to only function from one or the other.

I agree with you, the narcissists that dont mean to hurt people are easier to understand as they themselves seem to struggle but they dont own up to it and unless they do the hard work won't ever overcome it. But same with empaths... and im realizing that some life long empaths, if they dont learn to change for the better, develop a victim mentality and then they themselves become a version of a narcissist. But what's scary is they have high EQ, so they dont seem like one until they snap.

But yeah... narcissists with extreme masculine traits (male or female) but it mean someone who is all about them and dont care for anyone's needs, prolly aren't the most intelligent. They just always had some sort of influence, so they never needed to learn how to interact with humans, people just always did what they wanted.
Its the smart narcissists that came from nothing and gained some sort of influence that scare me, they mask it very well

[fartingspinster]

Oh definitely... they need justification to repeat the cycle.
Very typical in anyone behaving from a subconscious level - they repeat cycles and recreate something to fit the narrative they need to act/react. They dont even realize they are doing it.

Empaths with a victim mentality do the same... they will get all in their feelings and feel like their partner isn't understanding them, get upset and blow things out of proportion then begin the cycle of feeling hurt, attacked and woe is me. Then begins the falling apart of the relationship and repeating the cycle

[Summeroflove]

People use things as a excuse to be the way they are. I understand having understanding for someone. But when someone feels zero remorse and only makes excuses based odd things that happened to them. they choose what they become.

Some narcissists also come from
the other extreme of being spoiled.

[Summeroflove]

But trust me…. Narcissists demand sympathy for themselves but they never give it to anyone else. They just don’t have time for you. Get over it. You’re being too negative.

[Summeroflove]

But empathic people do not like hurting people. Especially not someone whose been good to tjem. Maybe it takes them time to trust but they’re loyal. They love whole heartedly and know how it feels to be hurt and betrayed. They never want to put another human being through that same pain again.

As where others become the monster that hurt them. Many narcissists also have this…. Some yes are more nefarious more intentionally taking advantage of people.

But many have a mindset of everyone’s out to get them. They need to basically get you before you get them. Use you before you use them. Cheat on you before you cheat on them. Discard of your before you can discard of them. Judge you before you judge them.

[Summeroflove]

Reject you before you reject them. Many times narcissists sabotage a relationship intentionally as well as some empathic people as well.

Because they are used to being discarded and cast aside.

[fartingspinster]

If life keeps pushing an empath, and they continue to lack development in boundaries and self sufficiency... they will soon lash out too. Its human nature.
Depending on whether they have remorse or not... determines whether they will be vulnerable enough to acknowledge their behavior in hurting whoever they lashed out at, or they will just blame you and have no responsibility for their actions and therefore no growth - continuing the victim mentality narrative.

I've seen it happen 3 times - and im becoming a true believer that empaths and narcissists are truly two sides of the same coin.

I dont think empaths are forever kind hearted no matter what life throws at them - a soul is breakable, and people only have so much strength and love before constant let downs, pain and loneliness turns them bitter and angry.

[NicholasRedone]

But what if they don't have a receipt and the 30 day item return policy lol 📝 📝 📝 lol