How do I find out more about my girlfriend’s past if I suspect that she is hiding things?

[Anonymous]

[Miristheiss]

What do you suspect? What kinds of things?

Are you talking sexual past? Casually ask one day how old she was when she had sex for the first time.

Do the math. Was that a year ago? 10 years ago? Usually once they become sexually active sex will be a regular thing so if it was 10 years ago you know she's been around a lot. Unless she was in a 10-year relationship to one guy.

Girls lie so a lot of this is reading between the lines. Anything you ask, you need to act as if you don't care, it is no big deal, you are fine with whatever she says. The moment she senses you may be grossed out by her she'll clam up and lie.

Having some drinks together at home to get her loosed up will promote her being more truthful. Ask low key stuff like have you ever gone home with a guy from the bar, have you ever had a threesome... etc.

Has she always had long term boyfriends or were there periods in her life where she just dated a bunch of guys casually? Chances are she was having sex with almost all of them.

What about her past are you really wanting to know about?

[Summeroflove]

If trust is broken I think it’s better to just break it off now if the gut feeling is bad maybe it’s not meant to be. I don’t know what does make you suspect it but people hide their true self for reasons and it’s not good ones.

People string people along and pretend to be someone they're not to use and manipulate someone. If someone’s lying about who they are then it’s not worth it. Though she’s not obligated to tell you everything either especially if you just met one another. But intentionally hiding things is a red flag.

[MzAsh]

here's a thought... if she wanted you to know, she’d tell you. And if you need to know because you think her having a past somehow affects your relationship now, then you might wanna sit with why that bothers you so much. Because unless she’s lied about something significant or there’s a legitimate reason (like health concerns), this just sounds like insecurity dressed up as “curiosity.”

Women aren’t out here submitting resumes with a body count section for your approval. If she treats you well, is loyal, and your relationship is solid, then maybe focus on that instead of playing moral auditor over things that happened before you even existed in her life.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh Terrible advice. All you have to do is praise her to her friends.

[MzAsh]

Or here’s an even better idea. Instead of trying to manipulate her friends into gossiping about her past, maybe just date someone you actually trust, you know, like an adult.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh This is another example of why women shouldn't provide relationship advice. Trust is earned, through a series of actions. Not understanding that fact isn't indicative of adulthood.

[MzAsh]

If you’re in a relationship with someone, as the original poster has indicated, it should be the case that trust is already established. Otherwise, why are you in a relationship with someone who hasn’t earned your trust? That’s on you.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh Lol, so you're saying that the day you elevate a woman to girlfriend status she should instantly trust you? Men are in relationships typically for consistent sources of sex, woman are in relationships, for security.

[MzAsh]

Trust comes first, exclusivity follows. That is, for those who aren’t rookies. But I wouldn’t expect someone who treats relationships like a sex work transactional arrangement to understand how real intimacy works.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh A woman needs to be constantly working to earn a man's trust at least any man who respects himself. A rookie move would be providing your time and resources to a woman who isn't earning your trust. The fact that I've been w/ hundreds of women proves I understand intimacy better than most.

[MzAsh]

Hundreds of women and you still haven’t figured out intimacy isn’t measured by body count. Impressive.

[Miristheiss]

Women often shame others lecturing their pasts shouldn't matter.
It does. You don't like that? No one cares.

[MzAsh]

I don’t care who says it matters. Men who obsess over women’s pasts aren’t partner material anyway, and I absolutely encourage other women to steer clear of them.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh Sex is the highest form of intimacy and is literally mentioned in the Webster definition if intimacy. You don't know this but feel comfortable giving woman relationship advice?

[MzAsh]

Anyone can look up definitions, but if you think sex alone equals true intimacy, it explains a lot about why you’ve needed hundreds of tries.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh Lol, If they want the truth then the dictionary is a good source, yes. It wouldn't be tries rather accomplishments as mens goals is to have sex with women so TY for admiring my success.

[MzAsh]

Well congrats on excelling at the most basic part of human interaction.

[Miristheiss]

LOL,
Divorce is rampant, abortion is rampant, herpes is rampant. Your an idiot if you think past doesn't matter. You need to know if your potential girl has values, morals, integrity, self control, wisdom or if she is some party girl who believes in fun, drinking, screwing around and given it up easy and sleazy values.

Only promiscuous women claim "past doesn't matter". They just don't want any accountability for their actions and try to shame someone else who may disqualify them for being a low character, promiscuous person.

We have one right here.

[MzAsh]

If you want to know whether someone has values, integrity, and self control, you don’t resort to shady tactics to dig through their past. You pay attention to their actions in the present. You have real conversations. You build trust over time. If you start snooping, manipulating friends as one already point blank advised, all you’ve done is prove that you’re the one lacking integrity.

[Miristheiss]

Hoe quit babbling your foolishness. Now go away.

[MzAsh]

Nah.

[MzAsh]

I know it stings when your logic gets squashed, but if you’re going to preach about integrity, at least try to have some yourself.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh No worries, glad I could educate you.

[MzAsh]

Oh is that what you think happened? Adorable. 😏

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh Hopefully, however if you're not intelligent enough to learn then that is your own issue. Most women doesn't understand relationships at all, so it's not that unique that you failed to learn.

[MzAsh]

Yeah, going on 18 years of a solid marriage, but please, tell me more about how you understand relationships better after cycling through hundreds of short term flings. We could use the laugh.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh Sure, I'm more than happy to help. We had this discussion b4. You're husband is a beta Male, who doesn't even control his own household and settled on a woman who admittedly had sex w/ dozens of men, b4 marriage. Most women would rarher have a successful man that they respectvand admite and most successful men don't want that. This is another example of women not understanding relationships.

[MzAsh]

Interesting how you couldn’t answer my question, so instead you defaulted to weak insults about my husband and my marriage. Classic deflection. But hey, I get it, when you’ve cycled through “hundreds of women” and still haven’t figured out how to keep one, long term success probably looks confusing to you. Meanwhile, I’ll just keep living the reality you pretend to understand.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh Sure if there is something you don't understand just ask, as I said I'm glad to educate you on these matters. It's unfortunate you feel insulted. However I'm simply sharing the information you shared with me about your husband. Cycling through hundreds of women is long term success for men. Which is why there's a market to teach men how to get laid, but not one that teaches women to get married. This only proves once again women don't understand relationships. Live However you like, TBH I think more women should do like you and settle for an average man, however as long as they're looking for exceptional ones, I'll continue doing what men actually want to do and keep banging them.

[MzAsh]

If my man and marriage was really so “average,” it wouldn’t be living in your head like this.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh Not sure what the correlation is. It's average based on your own description of him. I advise men, so using your marriage as an example of what a man shouldn't do falls directly in line w/ my business model. Ironically as I have said countless times, in my opinion your doing the right thing by settling for an average man, and less womem would be single if they would be more realistic. However, like most women you need to feel special so you considered it an insult for me to characterize your husband as average.

[MzAsh]

You seem really invested in redefining my choices. That’s some dedication. I get it though, if a woman makes a choice you can’t control, the next best thing is trying to narrate it for her. If that’s how you stay relevant to your audience, I’ll allow it. Just funny how you keep circling back to me.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh That's just a feeling you have to help you justify the situation you're in. This is another great teaching tool for men. Women will create palatable narratives and attempt to attribute it to others. Producing evidence of my theories is not only a way to stay relevant, but to also a great way to validate my value to my customer (s). That's called business. Obviously I want to circle back to you, as you produce valuable content, that helps me show my clientele, that I understand women. TY for sharing.

[MzAsh]

If this exchange is already helping your,
business, I can only imagine what you’d do with the stuff I haven’t even put out yet. But hey, glad I could help.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh TY. Yes I mainly because you make me seem physic when describing female nature. One of the things I teach men is that females are painfully insecure. Your original response to this post highlights multiple examples of that. Another fundamental I teach men is the 3 E's of female nature. The main one you have displayed is emotion.
1. A man shouldn't judge a woman on her past because it may make her feel bad?
2. Learning about her behavior is "manipulation"
These are all the shaming tactics women use to hide the fact that they are poor debaters. Because you married a beta, you're used to a man who doesn't understand these tactics. What I've learned after running through so many women us that if you simply open the floor and let them talk long enough, they will eventually tell on themselves. TY for proving that.

[MzAsh]

You talk a lot about letting women speak so they’ll tell on themselves, but it’s funny how you’re saying more than anyone here.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh It's more interesting that you think there is a correlation. I guess this could fall under the need for equality women have. The fact that dialog educates my clients doesn't mean that mine doesn't. Are you sure you understand this subject matter?

[MzAsh]

You’re definitely committed. Should be interesting.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh Ah the immaturity response, this is another example if why women struggle w/ getting commitment from HV men.

[MzAsh]

If staying unimpressed is immaturity now, sure. Call it what you need to.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh So you're saying you don't understand the concept of maturity? I don't care if you're unimpressed w/ your husband that's not what makes you immature.

[MzAsh]

You’re working overtime to redefine things I never said. That doesn’t make for maturity either.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh I'm simply responding to the information you provided. At least we are both in agreement regarding your immaturity.

[MzAsh]

It’s the way you keep circling back for me that really sells it.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh TY for sharing this. What you are displaying is the narcissistic trait many women have. I dialog w/ numerous people on this site, yet for some reason you feel as the dialog w/ you is unique. This is an example of women's need to feel special despite all evidence to the contrary.

[MzAsh]

And yet… here you still are.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh Of course. You provide free validation for my hypothesis, why wouldn't I use u?

[MzAsh]

That’s fine, I’ll wear that hat. Funny how quick you come when I do.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh Not sure what's funny about it. I actively seeking examples to back up my hypothesis, you provide examples. It may ne a little more complicated to you because you're a female, however It's not that complicated

[MzAsh]

Totally. You’ve been very consistent about fetching.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh Correct, I'm always seeking evidence to validate my theories because they are rooted in facts and logic. This can be frustrating to many women as they reach conclusion via emotion and anecdotal evidence.

[MzAsh]

You’re really fixated about this. You okay?

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh I'm fixated about relationship rhetoric on a relationship site? Are you listening to yourself?

[Caroline91]

Have you asked her? There's a difference between "hiding" something and just not talking about it. Is this someone you would like to move forward with? If so, tell her you would like to move forward with her, but this feeling is getting in your way of doing so. Give her an opportunity to talk. Then... listen. Really listen. It might not happen immediately. It might not happen at all. Sometimes, someone has something huge in their past that has affected every part of them and they just don't talk about it... to anyone. They would need to be very, very sure of someone to talk about it. If you care about this girl, give her a chance.

[Vesuvius87]

You shouldn't continue a relationship without trust. That conversation should've been given from the beginning.

[exitseven]

There is a lot you can find out about people on the internet. You can also do searches on her relatives and friends. Maybe there will be some random stuff about her on those sites as well. You can do some recon on your own, maybe try and borrow a car from a friend. You can follow her for a few days, the weekends are the best time to do it. Of course looking at her cell phone would also be a way to do it but you must be discreet about it. Just take your time and be smart about it.

[OneViewpoint]

You're gonna need...

A sturdy chair.

Duct tape.

A car battery.

A set of jumper cables.

A ball peen hammer.

And some popcorn.

[Nikki1989]

Her past is none of your business. Stop with the petty insecurity and you will be much happier.

[Lliam]

What kind of past are you concerned about. Do you fear that she has had sex before? LOL

[Asker]

No. I fear that she had casual sex before. She only told me about relationship sex

[David318578]

If you don't trust your girlfriend where you need to dig into her past then why are you with her?

[Anonymous]

If you can’t be open with her a relationship isn’t going to work.. ask her about it and if you still don’t think she’s telling the truth, leave.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

Get rid of her. Trust your gut instincts. She's probably a slut hiding her past with who knows how many guys.

[PeachyPie93]

If she is hiding things move on or ask friends and family they tend to have big mouths lol.

[GAGsucksballs89170]

Her friends

If you can get any info out of something/someone, it would be her friends. Problem is, getting around them, without her being around

[rebelkid]

If you truly believe that she is hiding information about herself to you and you strongly believe that she lies to you regarding her past and you are willing to pull off a full investigation…then in my strong opinion you should not be with her.

[Staximus]

Pay for a report on spokeo or peoplewise, or hire a private investigator, or just trust her until she fucks up.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes reputation speaks louder than the words from a partner. Rumors are usually true unfortunately. Listen to what her friends , family and enemies say about her. Past boyfriends if you can possibly talk to them.

[msc545]

What does it matter? What she did or what happened in the past?

[itsannalee]

Just don’t date someone you don’t trust.

[robocop666]

Ask a private investigator their experts and its their job.

[Anonymous]

Leave the past in the past.

[RedInnocent69]

Hire a PI. Don’t be silly. Just ask…

[PrettyCrumblBb]

Ask her. Don't go behind her back

[locusteo]

Ask her.