Can women be in a loving relationship, yet be in emotional relationships with other men?

[Anonymous]

Updates

8 mo

Kind of disturbing answers. Looks like emotional cheating is a thing and women are ok with it.

[Summeroflove]

Everyone’s definition of love is different but I think true genuine love is monogamous. I’m not talking about dark personalities who just genuinely lack the ability to form genuine relationships.

What many times it starts as people wanting the best of both worlds. They want to be able to sleep around while also holding down a relationship with someone they love. They always claim they will stop cheating and stop doing the things they’re doing because they do love the person. But their lustful desires take over and they start doing it again.

Many of these people have phases where they completely wipe out all their contacts and stop doing it. If they are religious they may start going to church again but they almost always relapse because they are so addicted to it.

I do think they genuinely feel bad about it for a while. But they eventually have made so many excuses for themselves that they become numb to it. Then eventually they will begin to resent his/her partner.

[SteveSmith1985]

Can you please describe the situation you're in? If you mean can a woman be in a relationship, yet have friendships (emotional relationships?) then that's fine.

But I get the sense that this is not what you're talking about. Can you please give some more context?

[Asker]

She has a close male friend. She said she'd never give up the friendship. This guy expressed interest in sleeping with her some years ago.

[SteveSmith1985]

The short answer to your question is "yes, she can."

I've been the good male friend before. I've also been in your position before.

So what this comes down to is trusting your girlfriend. You're going to have to trust that she's genuine about this being an important friendship, and trust her to act appropriately.

If nothing has happened between them, over all these years, you can be pretty confident that's not going to change. She isn't interested in him, otherwise something would have happened.

The fact that he expressed interest in sleeping with her some years ago... I wouldn't read too much into. They have had years of friendship since, and whatever that was... its not a part of their friendship. He's not just waiting for his chance. If he were, he would have tried again since. He hasn't.

The problem is, that you've got to become ok with this. One way or the other. Otherwise your relationship won't work out. If you make her choose, she will choose her friend. Don't do that.

The best thing you can do is to meet this guy.

That really does make a difference. It turns her friend into "a guy friend" in the abstract, into someone specific. A guy with a face, who looks you in the eye, and shakes your hand. You get a feel for the kind of guy he is, and you get a bit of a sense of the dynamic between them. I think that really does make a difference in how you feel about this.

[SteveSmith1985]

He is someone it would be ideal to get along with. But you don't have to. You do have to have a 100% civil understanding to respect each other, even if you hate the guy. It will not work for you to talk shit to her about her friend. It will work very well if her friend talks shit about you. It would be ideal if you two get along. He is judging and scruitinizing what kind of guy YOU are, at least as much as you're worrying about him. (If my experience as the male friend is anything to go by).

He wants to make sure you're a decent guy, who is going to treat his friend right. I'm not saying you need to try and make this guy like you, or put on an act or anything. He can not like you as in: you are not a guy he would ever choose to hang out with... but still think you're a good guy for her. He is basically watching for anything off about you, for the sake of protecting his friend.

I do get where you're coming from.

I also get where she's coming from, and have been the friend in situations like yours more than a few times. Honestly, she can still be emotionally close with her male friend, while being an excellent girlfriend.

[SteveSmith1985]

If the guy does end up thinking you're a good guy. He'll actually end up helping you in the background. He can tell her that she has no good reason to be pissed off with you, about whatever stupid shit. He can explain why you might be behaving in a way that is confusing to her; or worse, which she interpreted to mean something other than what it means. He'll urge her to talk to you about something on her mind she's hesitant to bring up. And work to your benefit, in a million different little ways.

If the guy thinks you're a good guy, he wants your relationship to work out.

Over the longer-term, the emotional connection with her friend will change as the emotional connection with you gets stronger. It's not going to be a case where she doesn't have that bond with her friend. But he will naturally become someone she talks to and confides in as often. She'll still be friends with him, but it's not like the dude's going to be as big a part of her life, when you're in a relationship with her.

Note. I'm assuming both your girlfriend, and this guy, are decent honest people. Not much you can do if either of them are shitty people.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

It’s called being a real friend because platonic relationships are supposed to also have emotional intimacy. Anyone who tells you otherwise is emotionally stunted as a person.

[Asker]

But wouldn't this be considered emotional cheating?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Emotional intimacy is not cheating. You’re not romantically involved if you tell someone “I love you” and sincerely mean it platonically.

[Asker]

Emotional cheating is a thing.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I’m not denying it is, but your inability to assign platonic emotional intimacy to anything but a romantic partner is your cognitive dissonance to deal with, not everyone else’s.

[Miristheiss]

You prove you are not relationship mateilrial.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I would hope I’m not “mateilrial”

[AI Opinion]

As a relationship coach, my aim here is to help navigate those tricky relationship waters 💙. Sure, it's possible for someone to have a loving relationship while also forming emotional connections with others. But, it can be a slippery slope if those connections start to steal the thunder from their primary relationship 💔. It's all about boundaries and making sure your main squeeze feels like a priority. Trust, honesty, and communication are your BFFs here. Remember, red flags are not just for car races! 🚩😆

[Miristheiss]

Cheaters do it all the time. They want to have their cake and eat it too.

[Anonymous]

Yesss