Boyfriend doesn’t touch me anymore. Is this normal in a long-term relationship?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years now. At the beginning, he was really affectionate always touching, hugging, and kissing me. But lately, it feels like he’s pulling away. We don’t cuddle anymore unless I ask, and he doesn’t initiate kisses or hold my hand like he used to.

Our sex life is practically nonexistent at this point. When I try to initiate or show affection, he either turns me down or says he’s too tired. He claims he loves me and says everything’s fine, but I feel neglected and like I’m the one putting in all the effort.

I’m not sure if this is something that happens in long-term relationships or if there’s something wrong. Has anyone else gone through this? Is it normal for physical affection to decrease, or should I be worried that he's losing interest in me? How can I approach this without pushing him away? Any advice?

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

Something is clearly wrong, but I suspect it has little to do with you. You need to find out why he's so withdrawn. I would sit down and ask him and have. a discussion.

Make the statement that intimacy, affection and sex are important parts of your relationship and you don't like the fact that they've all but disappeared.

I would also wonder if something is physically wrong with your boyfriend. Ask him.

It is not unreasonable to expect regular sex, and shows of affection. Of course you can't be all over each other like teen-agers all the time. But to go from good to no good IS no good.

If you don't get a satisfactory answer, then you might suspect that this is how it's going to be. He's over the initial excitement of the relationship and it's all dull and ordinary from here on out.

Don't give up yet, but I'd be somewhat worried. Get support from a therapist and try to get to the bottom of what's happened.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Either he's bored and with you to be polite or he's preoccupied with something that's keeping him from appreciating his usual antics with you. It's not about you.

"But lately" is vague... how long has this been going on?

No, it's not something that happens in long-term relationships. I was in a two year relationship and even when things were towards the end we were still running strong in the affection area... (Also, having been married for 10 years, the 2-year relationship isn't considered "long term" ... so it's REALLY not normal for the sex to fizzle out the way you're describing.)

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

No, if intimacy and affection fades away , that means the relationship is fading away as well , You are best to have a serious talk with him about your concerns and tell him you need an honest answer or this relationship is not going to work because you are feeling neglected. If he loves you and cares about you he will give you an honest answer , if he doesn’t give you an honest answer and just shrugs it off like it’s no big deal, then you are best to start making your plans to leave his ass. Never be a sitting duck for someone that cannot be honest and open with you , that can’t explain why they no longer want to be intimate and affectionate with you period , .

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

It's normal for things to cool off a bit, but not like this. You are describing "frozen solid", not just a mild cooling off. You need to talk to him about it, outside of the bedroom, and you need to do so without any accusing tone. Simply tell him that you miss him and desire him and you really miss the physical intimacy (not just the sex, but all of it - the hugs, the kissing, sitting close to him, etc.). Then let him talk and see what he says. Try not to interrupt if he has something to say - let him get it out before you answer back. Then you will know where you are.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the classic case of fading sparks in the fireworks show of love! 🌟 This is a common hiccup in long-term relationships, and you're not alone in wondering if it's normal. The truth? Every couple faces shifts in affection, but it's the communication that keeps those embers burning.

If he's pulling away physically, it could be stress, comfort, or something deeper that’s not about you, darling! 😘 In long-term relationships, comfort sometimes replaces the initial excitement. Have an open chat, express your feels without sounding accusatory, and consider setting the stage for those cozy moments again. Maybe a surprise date night or a heartfelt conversation could reignite that passion. Remember, love is a dance, and sometimes you gotta lead! 💃🥂

OlderAndWiser · Answer

It's normal for the frequency of affection and sex to decrease to some extent, but having those things disappear is a horrible warning sign. Do you suspect infidelity?

I always says that if you want to know how someone feels about you, ignore their words and look at how they treat you. Based on what you have told us, it sounds like he isn't feeling any lust for you. That's a bad sign.

AviatorTom · Answer

It's normal for things to slow down, but not disappear altogether.

cigarette · Answer

This can happen in long-term relationships, but we can't say it's completely normal. Physical distance can indicate emotional distance. You need to talk honestly and calmly. Maybe it's stress, maybe it's something else. But if there's love, there's a solution. Men can sometimes withdraw.

hellno · Answer

This type of change could be a sign that something is wrong. Physical closeness is a sign of emotional connection, and if you are constantly making an effort and it is not being reciprocated, it could be that your emotional needs are being ignored. It is important to be honest about how you feel, but if there is no change, it can be difficult to stay in a relationship where you do not feel valued.

angels · Answer

You are not the only one who has this feeling. Passion may fade over time, but it is not healthy for it to disappear completely. Express your feelings openly, without accusation. Maybe it is stress or another reason, but you won't know unless you talk. If there is love, there is a solution. Don't suppress it.

14gurlz2gagonit · Answer

I am reading your shit but I just started and I have one question on my mind... did you become unattractive? Now I will continue to read...

I read the whole thing... be real for a moment woman... did you put on weight? Bet you did. If not then I'm guessing he's starting to get fed up with you as a person. Maybe both. 2 years is kinda quick to kill the power of the cock... you're both doing something wrong at the very least.

NotLongKindaGirthy · Answer

Your icon says you're 36-45. How old is he? Is it possible that he's just getting older, and is less interested in physical sexual stuff? Not less interested in doing that with you, but less interested in doing that with anyone?

Has anything else in the relationship changed, besides the physical stuff?

Account · Answer

To me, that is not normal and I would be unable to put up with that. I have broken up for multiple other reasons, however, that hasn't happened yet and I know for sure that it would affect me deeply if it did.

AnonAndrew · Answer

It's normal to see some decrease over time, but not to the level where your man doesn't even wanna touch you or have sex with you. There's a serious problem here, either mental, physical, or emotional.

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

Not normal. Also not normal to be with someone for two years and not be comfortable expressing your concerns and just asking them /talking to them about the problem.

EmmaMary · Answer

Sounds like the "honeymoon" period is well and truly over.

Miristheiss · Answer

I would say no, it is not. He must not be attracted to you anymore or have something else going on, low testosterone, performance anxiety, something.

slatyb · Answer

Not at all. Have you asked him? You aren't happy. If it doesn't change, I think you'll have to leave.

Nikki1989 · Answer

It is normal for a relationship that has hit a dead-end.

bddddd · Answer

He is going to leave you, more likely than not. I know nothing about your relationship. But almost all guys like touch.

Jove79 · Answer

That happens after 5-10+ years.. 2 years? Either something is wrong with him mentally, physically or his mind is on someone else

Sluttt · Answer

You have to show slutty side. Being prude is boring

Emmytexrex · Answer

Hmmm now that my friend is the slow end of a good relationship once booming but now dying

ABC1x1x · Answer

Yes it's normal. It's also the end of the relationship

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

Boyfriend for two years. Don't you think it's time for the "talk"?

Anonymous · Answer

Go to therapy , cuz that’s concerning i would be wary if he’s cheating or not.

wkhan_87 · Answer

It is not normal at least

DrPepper12 · Answer

Any Rx changes? Health problems?

David318578 · Answer

How old is he?

Mrtcn01 · Answer

are you ugly? or get fat?

Staximus · Answer

Houston, we have a problem

Anonymous · Answer

No, that's not completely normal.

alice55 · Answer

not normal

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Not normal.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes.

Boyfriend doesn’t touch me anymore. Is this normal in a long-term relationship?

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