How do past relationships affect your current or future ones?

Question

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Baggage can trip you up in unexpected ways even if you’ve done all the things to heal and HAVE let go of the negative. A guy does something that vaguely reminds you of your ex and you might wonder for a split second… *Is this a guy thing?* or *Do I do something to bring this out in a guy?* or *Why do I always attract such malakas?*

The feeling is fleeting and your choices start forming or breaking from prior patterns based on this split second reflection. It may turn into an unknown nagging “6th sense” that you ignore bc “this one seems like a nice guy,” but you’re setting the trap for yourself in that moment…

At its BEST the baggage is like a misplaced footstool you trip over or stub your toe on while walking around at home… Getting hurt in your safe space feels silly but still first like motherf*.

Simslover92 · Accepted Answer

Becoming more cautious and taking things slower. Being more present and in the moment. I think first relationships, you want everything to go fast and you don't really take in the all of the moments. This time around, I am taking in every moment and just really being more present but still cautious and guarded.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

For every proud and thinking person, the goal is not to live a life without mistakes, but to use each mistake as an opportunity for contemplative self-examination. Every failed relationship is a chance for us to look at what has happened, how we contributed to the failure of the relationship, and to make changes within ourselves. That helps us to become a better person for our next partner.

Or we can just go through life blaming our exes for every failure, never changing ourselves, and endlessly repeating our mistakes.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

It might make you more guarded and protected of yourself , it might effect your trust for that person , especially if you have been cheated on by an ex before.. you might encounter things that you experienced with your exes , with your new partner that make you feel uncomfortable or uneasy. Why it’s usually best to not jump into another relationship right away with someone new if you experienced bad things with your ex that possibly could of traumatized you without your realizing it did

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating the world of love can be tricky, right? Past relationships are like life's little love classroom. They teach us valuable lessons, shaping what we look for and what to avoid in the future. They can influence your trust levels, communication style, and even self-esteem. But remember, every relationship is a chance for growth. So take those experiences, learn from them, and let them guide you towards healthier, more fulfilling connections without the ghost of the past haunting you! 😎💖

HawkPerception · Answer

Sexually you learn stuff (both about yourself and the opposite sex). Emotionally, you might get more guarded (which I see as a negative). Maturity usually increases (not always). You learn how to navigate the opposite sex emotionally.

And most of all, you learn what to do and what not to do in a relationship. You learn the difference between a toxic relationship and a healthy one through the emotions you experience.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

It made me want more and more and more of what I could have. Sincerely, I thank my past girlfriends for the gigantism of my thirst.

Almost three decades ago, I just wanted a kind girl, I swear it was all I ever wanted. And then, progressively, it became a story of mad needs, on top of each other. I started to want more mutual understanding, more intellectual connection, more emotional connection, more sexual connection, more intimacy, more philosophical connection, more cuddles, more of everything.

Up to the point I'm afraid to think of what I could possibly want after if my current relationship crashes. If I allowed myself to delve into this thought, I would be so scared 👀

jazmiine · Answer

It lowers my self steem and think that I have a problem. Maybe my personality? And the people I will date will not chose me in the end.

All the people I dated married different women. And the men I like, hinted at, never liked me back.

So I think I'm not attractive even though my girl friend and mom says I look pretty. Hehe maybe they are the only ones who thinks so cause nobody aside from them told me so.

nawtee_me · Answer

It is hard to say that they shouldn’t but they shouldn’t but they do… if you know what I mean? After feeling hurt it is hard to not think about it when starting a new relationship. Forgiveness is the key. Remember that forgiveness does not mean forgetting and it is not for the other person. Forgiving is for your mental health allowing you to move on without the baggage of past relationships. I mean after all no one wants to be in a threesome with someone and their ex because they can’t move on.

NicholasRedone · Answer

@liaraven I avoid those who are opposites and I avoid those who clearly aren't to my taste. From the career driven through to the slobs through to the poor care women - I look for a woman by now who's not the negatives

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

For the most part they don't.
Only exception is knowledge.
I started out thinking that a few differences in personality were ok.
I was wrong, if she isn't mentally speaking "another me" (outside of sexual preferences), its not going to work, so I'm pickier now.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

I think the past has scarred me.. I am kind of afraid to get to know or fall in love with anyone now. I probably won't have a future one.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Past relationships provide valuable lessons about what you want and don't want in a partner, what works for you in a relationship, and what your needs and boundaries are.

HighValue · Answer

If a past relationship caused someone to have kids, that will definitely affect their future potential mate selection, or severe lack of options.

If they stay in contact with an ex it can ruin future relationships.

BadApple69 · Answer

Everything that we do, and everything we go through affects everything we do in the present.  It’s a shame our memories of the bad things that happen outweighs our memories of the good things.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

It made me wanna stay away from women with certain values and ideologies.. But for some reason they always gravitate toward me.. But other than that every woman is a new one and not similar to the last in my eyes..

FreyaRed · Answer

Somehow the idealism I had in my first relationship died

serious · Answer

I have always been single so never had any past relationships which would affect my life.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Unfortunately I've learned things that I apply to my new relationships

Agape93 · Answer

I'm more closed off for a good while, but I'm still just ad loving and protective with them.

thegreenyogi · Answer

Make me more guarded and very aware of what I want and what I don't want.

Anonymous · Answer

I was cheated on by a girlfriend in high school and another one at university. The first one was rough, but the second one was devastating because I thought we were soulmates and would get married someday. It definitely affected me and still does. I didn't date for about four years, and I still have serious trust issues that have affected my relationships since then.

Jay-_- · Answer

I take the good of what I learned in that relationship and forget the bad.

Emmytexrex · Answer

Hmmm it nearly turned me to stone cold human but I did some deep self reflection on myself

Anonymous · Answer

I don't have past relationship, and I'm currently not in a relationship, so I don't know how will that affect my hypothetical future relationship.

Panthero · Answer

Like any past event effects the way we handle future events.

Anonymous · Answer

Gave me severe trust and abandonment issues.

SAMI_DABBAB · Answer

I just keep unlocking new endings and new reasons to argue, so new relationships are less likely to see me in an argument

robocop666 · Answer

The trauma stays with you

exitseven · Answer

Most people learn from their mistakes.

Alex-Snow · Answer

I try to learn from them

Anonymous · Answer

As far as she knows, they don't.

eagle1951 · Answer

every one is different

Jennz6 · Answer

They don’t

How do past relationships affect your current or future ones?

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