Me and my girlfriend broke up last year, we got back together recently but I found out she slept with someone. how should I cope/move past it?

[Anonymous]

I want to start by saying that I believe she had the right to do whatever she wanted when we were broken up, but SHE had set boundaries to which I agreed with. One of those boundaries were that she did not want to be intimate with me in any way if I was doing anything with someone else, this could be as little as flirting with another woman. I agreed to this as I wouldn’t want her to do the same with me. The months go on, in which we have sex several times, I’d sleep at her place, we’d reminisce about the past, etc etc. 6 months into the breakup, I eventually find out that she had sex with someone else about 3 months prior, and she begins to act completely careless about it, responding bluntly to everything. I remind her about the boundary that she herself placed, but she would keep saying we were not together, and she owed me nothing. Whenever I tried asking her how she would have felt if I did the same to her, she deflects, and comes up with a multitude of excuses, and once she runs out, she just returns to not caring and telling me to suck it up. We eventually get back together, I found out more about the circumstances around it, she deeply regretted it, and argued with the guy afterwards because of how guilty she felt or whatever. I found this out by reading texts between her and her friend, so I don’t believe it was a lie. While this does make me feel a little better, I just can’t seem to move past it. Whenever we have sex I think about it, whenever I see sex in media I think about it, everything just reminds me of it. Her and I do not believe in hooking up, we have only really been together sexually with each other. Am I wrong or immature for feeling this way? Of course I wouldn’t like it if the person I loved was intimate with someone else, but if there was no boundary set it’d be completely different. Why place a boundary if you’re going to not follow it? I shot down ANY interactions from women because she would bring it up. Why was that not done for me?

[Finchie40]

Because I hate to break it to you man, Most females’ can barely ever admit she did anything wrong , most females’ do not know how to take accountability for their own selfish actions and behaviors. I can’t tell you how many girls’ I been with , that set boundaries with me , that expected me to follow those boundaries but when it came down to her doing that for me , What Boundaries? She acts like she does no wrong , So you have every right to feel like you do and you have every right to walk away from her as well , because she lied to you. Why you should never Go back to an ex , an ex is an ex for a reason, if someone truly loved you and wanted to be with you , they would have never became your ex to begin with , they would of stood by your side and worked out whatever was broken between you both , so the fact that she screwed another guy , doesn’t mean you have to stay with her , unless you want to live with the fact she screwed someone else That’s up to you man. Me personally wouldn’t take back a girl that screwed another guy , Your girlfriend is a selfish person that can’t take accountability for her selfish actions and behavior, the only reason she came back to you , was because that other guy didn’t pan out the way she wanted it to. I guarantee she was already talking to this other guy before you both broke up , Females’ don’t just walk away without having a plan or a back up plan , they wait until the see an opportunity and then they go for it because they are selfish human beings that have no dignity or respect for anyone but themselves , I am not saying every girl is this way , but there are a lot of them and unfortunately for you , you ended up with one. And if she already screwed someone else , don’t think she isn’t going to do this again to you when the next best opportunity rises for her , she will keep you around until that happens. I can’t tell you what to do man , but if I was you , I would end it with her and go find yourself a girl that only chooses you that doesn’t walk away from you when shit hits the fan , find yourself a girl that values you the same way you value her , that follows boundaries the same way you do for her , They are out there man , just harder to find. But if you choose to stay with her , eventually you will string her along until you find someone better for you , because the fact she screwed that other guy is going to haunt you forever and your trust for her will never be the same , if you want to keep her for convenience then so be it because she already proved you are a convenience to her

[Static_In_The_Attic]

In life the only way to move is forward & if you are unable to except the fact that she was banging someone else when you two weren’t in a relationship I think you should do her a favor & break up with her again so she can find a real man & not a pussy ass bitch that is making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Put your big boy boxers on bro & grow the fuck up & if you can’t break up & go back to being alone & hump your fist.

[Abbycado]

Lmfao XD

[Asker]

Clearly what’s in my pants is man enough for her if she came back to it after trying something else, which isn’t and wasn’t my point anywhere in what I said. Im asking how do I get over feeling like shit over a broken boundary that she placed, that I followed and she didn’t. You’re 43 drop the alpha male shit it’s embarrassing

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Riddle me this? Why did you two break up & who broke up with who?

[Asker]

I definitely should have added this, but she broke up with me because she was bothered by the fact that I lost my viriginity to someone I was with before her. She says she thinks about it daily and it angers her immensely.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

On one hand she was bothered because you fucked someone else before her & on the other hand you are bothered because she fucked someone else when you two weren’t together. Looks like what happened to both of you cancel each other out so with that said if you are happy in your relationship I think you can look the other way on this one. Bro if the sex is good, pound her good. You’ll be ok.

[HollyK21]

Your first screw up was committing like that to someone you’re not in a relationship with, let alone your ex who you were actively supposed to be broken up with. I mean I’m sure the situation was nuanced in it’s own regard, but as of now you two still manage to keep in touch, hookup and etc so why not just commit fully?


Don’t get me wrong, you’re entitled to feeling any kind of way you want about what she did but bottom line is you can’t speak on it anymore because at the end of the day you weren’t, and aren’t together (unless it’s otherwise mentioned and I somehow missed it). So rather than harping on an unchangeable past, figure out what’s going to happen going forward — that’s what matters most here, after all. If you’re going to lock in then lock in but no more of this straddling the fence, that’s how you end up where you are now which is having to suffer in silence.

[MzAsh]

Are you sure the boundary she defined included actions when y’all were broken up? If you’re not together, then terms and conditions are broken. I’m not sure what you’re wanting from her anyway. She can’t change the past.

[MasterKS]

@MzAsh good point.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the tangled web of love... So, you're dealing with a classic case of boundary confusion and double standards. It sounds like you're struggling with mixed signals and unresolved feelings. 🌪️

Remember, love should be built on trust and clear communication. It's okay to feel hurt and confused. Talk to her openly about how you feel and emphasize honesty in your relationship. If trust issues linger, it might be wise to consider whether getting back together aligns with your emotional well-being. Trust your instincts and prioritize what makes you happy! 😇💙

[Abbycado]

Why should she care about it? Why do you? You were broken up. She can do what she wants.

[Asker]

Literally my first sentence is she was able to do what she wanted. Im more bothered that she set boundaries that I followed and she didn’t. I would be followed by girls on social media and she’d give me shit for it. But when she does that suddenly it doesn’t matter anymore?

[Abbycado]

That’s your fault for agreeing to basically rules by your ex. Who does that? I’d laugh if an ex set boundaries. I’d tell them to fuck right off and laugh hysterically.

[Asker]

Well I followed them because I still wanted to be with her, and I believed she felt the same. I wasn’t going to do something that jeopardized any future we’d have late on

[slatyb]

She wasn't your girlfriend at the time. Get over it or end it.

[Anonymous]

So she didn’t want you flirting with other women when u were broken up? im confused

[Asker]

Yes, it was more extreme than that to be honest, if I spoke to a female she’d get angry with me and tell me I’m wrong, but the whole time she was flirting with guys and going out with them.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah break up with her she’s toxic , she shouldn’t have tried to control you when you weren’t in a relationship with her anymore.