I've been dating my girlfriend for 7 months and I can't stop obsessing over her past relationships and flings. It eats at me and even though I know it's not fair to her, it affects how I feel about us. Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you forget about it and focus on the present?
That question really depends on the fact of how they're talking about the situation, as someone who has had PTSD experienced the last 7 years of their life stuck in very awful situations with relationships it's sort of hard at the end of the day to not accidentally slip up and talk about them essentially when I'm just casually talking about something that's happened in the past in any regard at the end of the day, and I think that other people who have those kinds of past should be able to feel comfortable opening up to their partners about that kind of stuff. On the flip note if you're concern is because she's talking about these flings and dates and whatnot as a positive effect talking about how amazing they were or comparing them to you and ways that make you feel like you're nothing compared to them and stuff like that then honestly yeah she's just being awful for doing that to you and not taking your thoughts into consideration at all I hope that's really gives light on either side of the situation considering you didn't really give much detail.
u Work on your self confidence. You shouldn't worry about her past because she's not with them, now is she? She's chosen to be with you. Is obviously happy if she's been with you for 7 months. If it's bothering you, it's because your self esteem is low. Besides, do you want her worrying about things from your past?
Nothing to work on his case. His feelings are understandable. He should dump her and find a girl who respected herself
Lame ass answer. Body count shouldn't matter if you have self confidence. Otherwise, if it bothers you, you're weak willed.
Yeah I know this slur, that a man with standards and expectations is "weak". Nonsense. He should dump her and ignore weak/promiscuous girls.
Yes, he is weak. Pathetic even. Your type would punish girls for having sex with others, even in committed relationships with those partners.
Why don't you just truly admit what it is? You want something to conquer and have power over. Plus, you don't have the strength to have her possibly compare you to past lovers and be found lacking.
Only women who believe in sex outside of marriage, promiscous women women who want NO accountability for their actions spout this shit.
Oh look, another weak willed poster has something to add to this. Keep your evangelism to yourself. Nobody needs to hear it.
Look, the "modern" woman, gets on the pill at 16, starts fucking every dick in sight for 10 years, then demands men make her a long term girlfriend or wife and to have kids with her demanding her past should not matter. All the while his job and income are a deal breaker the entire time.
The BC pill, feminism and the sexual revolution ruined women.
Lmao butthurt much?
You obviously hate women living their lives, so go be with men instead.
Living their own huh?
Who else's can anyone live?
Oh, you mean feminist propaganda?
Sexually free? Code for be a slut. Go to college no mattwr what, even if you do not want to be a doctor, nurse, lawyer... still rack up debt put off family to be get a women's studies degree or communications, career and self are the priority, fuck family. Maybe when you are 30.
Enjoying your herpes?
Don't have herpes or any std's thanks.
Enjoying your hateful, miserable and lonely life?
@Ez-Bri-Z_v2 we dont hate you or prohibit your promiscuous lifestyle oriented at 'skill'. You do you. We do we, that is exclude such women from cadidates for long term, commited relationship.
Ok fine, do so, but don't criticize women for having a sex life and not expect to hear something back in return.
I did not criticize you, I adviced that sensitive man, who craves real intimacy, to dump that girl, because he will not find with her what he is looking for
The other guy is criticizing and many others like him have done just that. They put down girls who have a sexual history and tell people like the asker to leave his girlfriend for not being a virgin. He doesn't need to leave her. He needs to man up and stop comparing himself to her past.
She's with him now and he will lose her if he doesn't learn to be more confident in himself.
You said past shouldn't matter. Too bad, it does.
You assume, that all men want is to be 'better' than her past partners. It is not that. Girl who had several partners is not selective. We dont want to be with woman, who has low standards, because it does not make us feel Special. We want to feel Special and yes, we deserve it. Also, intimacy level will not be same as with low body count girl. I dont think he will find a virgin at 45, but There are still huge chances for a girl who had 1 od 2 partners. He should do that. "Losing" A girl, that makes him think about her past is no happiness, there is no "loss" here except good loss: Loss of stress, doubt and obsessions.
See? There you go accusing women of not being selective. If she's had 3 relationships in 10 years and had sex with them, that's the same to you as someone who just had sex with a random person. All you focus on is a number and that's a pathetic cope.
She isn’t the girl for you then man , you are best to move on from her , if you can’t get over her past , you will never feel happy and content with her, if her past is affecting you. You will never feel at peace with her , you will always feel like she is going to do something to jeopardize the relationship with you. She can’t change her past , just like you can’t change yours, you either learn to accept it or you don’t , if you don’t then you are best to move on. So she can’move on as well and find herself a guy that accepts her for who she is. Don’t kid yourself man, it doesn’t make you a bad person , it just makes you wrong for stringing her along if you can’t feel at peace and content with her
Yesterday's gone did you know her yesterday your relationship started the moment you started it everything else is way back in the past it doesn't even matter those days are over you're with her right now right that's all you need to care about
Most guys get stuck on that because they're afraid that one of their boyfriends were better lovers had a bigger dick knew what they were doing when you don't know what you're doing let all of that go she's with you right now in this moment if you don't stop tomorrow she might not be there just let it go she's with you
"Yesterday's Gone" (1964). The first Chad and Jeremy hit.
Opinion
32Opinion
I think it’s normal to feel that way and you need to talk to her directly about how you feel. Communicate even when it’s hard… Bottling it only makes it WORSE…
At the end of the day maybe talking about it makes it better. If it doesn’t..: Maybe it’s a relationship that isn’t meant to be. Maybe you both just won’t be happy with one another long term. But maybe you’re getting a bad feeling she’s doing stuff again NOT saying she is but…. It just depends.
Talk to her about it. That’s the best thing you can do.
Think back to when you were a teenager and did something important. Can you go back and change what you did? No you can't. Once you realize that, you'll realize that your girlfriend's past cannot be changed, it is what it is, and what's important is the present and the future.
Everyone has a past. Just accept that.
Well you either picture her in all those situations and experiences with all those guys and all the dicks she's taken and threesomes she's had and cry and grieve it so you can let it go or you just let her go since she isn't the type of woman you actually want. Really play it in your head, it helps me with men that are hoes and I like, I usually don't choose them tho once I really think about all the people they been with since it plain grosses me out and pisses me off that they didn't respect their own bodies.
I understand where you're coming from, it's normal for people to have had more than one sexual partner but I'd never date someone who sounds this casual about sex. In my opinion if a person sees sex as sex and not making love then I think the chances of cheating are high. I'm fine with sex before marriage and stuff but I find sex without love unethical for a lot of reasons. That's why I see more than five or six partners as a red flag. I'm not going to believe you loved six different people genuinely and lost all of them unless you are a super, super, unlucky widow.
I see that you’re over 45
What about your own past?
I would say if you have had a similar number of partners or flings along the way then you’d know how insignificant it becomes.
If not then your worry isn’t so much about her having a “past” but more about her having more experience than you which puts you at a disadvantage in terms of what she’s seen and tried.
All that being said you shouldn’t be playing “captain save-a-hoe” either.
If she’s been with every guy she ever met then you’re probably better off looking elsewhere
At your stage in stage in life every woman you start a relationship with will have had past relationships and to a certain extent the majority of them may even come with a heavy burden of emotional baggage from their breakdown.
This has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you so you have 2 choices. Man-up and get yourself together to be her the man she hopes you to be or just be another guy in her rearview mirror and more emotional baggage that burdens her.
Dude, that is your gut telling you she IS NOT THE ONE!!! YOU DON'T GET OVER IT YOU DUMP HER.
Only simps and fools and weak men commit long term or marry women with promiscuous and sleazy pasts. Why are you trying to make this work?
Not girlfriend material. Wake up. Have some standards man.
You move on. For both of you. You don't have to like that she was promiscuous in the past. You're allowed to recognize the risk that puts you in. You're allowed to withdraw consent to remain in the relationship. And then she can go find a guy that's into cuckoldry, or just doesn't care enough to think about her past.
Or, you take her off the pedestal you have her on, you pull all of your emotions back in, and you look at the relationship as "it's just my turn, she's not actually mine." Then be ready for it to end at any time and for her to cheat. She will, for absolutely sure, suck another dudes dick at some point. Accept it now. Meanwhile you enjoy what she temporarily has to offer you. And if she stops offering you what you want, you end it yourself.
Pick one. But what you don't do is stay with her, make her feel bad about herself, and make both of you miserable, while you badger her over all different dudes whose loads she has swallowed.
It’s hard, but you need to remember that her past is just that her past. You’re with her now, and she chose you. Obsessing over it will only create unnecessary distance. Instead of focusing on her history, focus on building new, happy memories together. If she’s not hiding anything or treating you poorly, then trust her. If these feelings keep eating at you, talk openly with her. Communication and trust are what will help you move forward.
You’re right, her past is in the past, and I should focus on our future. I’ll try to trust her more and communicate openly if I feel uneasy.
Focusing on her past will only ruin what you have now. It’s normal to feel insecure, but constantly dwelling on her past relationships will only drive a wedge between you. If you can’t let go of it, the relationship will start to feel suffocating. It’s about trust if she’s with you, that’s her choice. Her past doesn’t define you or your future together. If you can’t move past it, maybe you need to reflect on why you’re holding onto it so tightly.
Thanks for the advice! You’re right, holding onto her past will only hurt us. I need to focus on trusting her and not let insecurities take over.
The truth is, her past only has power over you if you let it. She's with you now, not them. Instead of obsessing over what came before, focus on what you bring to the relationship. Insecurities will only push her away. Talk to her if you need reassurance, but ultimately, this is your battle to fight. Work on your self-confidence, stay present, and remind yourself that the past doesn’t define your future together.
I’ll try to let go of the past and trust more.
This is common in those who feel they’re not a woman’s best option. The idea that it’s possible she’s been with someone better, and you should measure up. Would you say this is true for you?
m Rationally speaking, the concept is super simple, you're living in a past that is not even your past. So you're in a fantasy of your own making. Now, why this fantasy and how to jump back to reality... It is a typical question examined in therapist's offices, there isn't any short or instantly applicable answer. Good luck🍀
It bothers me some to, you just have to deal with it I guess if you want to be with her. I don’t want to hear what she has done with other guys definitely not really attractive conversation. If I want her real bad then I just have to forget about it. It sure is a way to see what type of person she is and what her values are. It’s not a dealbreaker for me
Every person lives three lives. A public life, a private life and a secret life. I don't think you should date anyone. Everyone has a past.
Sounds like your insecurities are the biggest problem, I’m assuming you’re comparing yourself to her past lovers constantly. Why do you dislike yourself?
I don’t think that’s what he’s saying
Nope, I'm not insecure. My boyfriend had past relationships. So be it. Most will. If you can't get over it, you probably never will.
Its nice that you care about her and want to make things work. Remind yourself that her past has shaped the person you love today. Either accept her fully or risk damaging the relationship by holding on things she can't change
I know it’s hard man. Remember this, you've had your OWN PAST. she's had hers. But of she is COMMITTED to YOU right now, why question anything else. Does she question your past?…
We've all had past discrepancies and the past is the past, but you can't build a future on the past, just the future.
Well the question depends on what these indecresions were? When you say " I can't get over it " , if there were too many or too full on , you may not 🚫 wish to get over them.
A leopard will not change it's spots.
What's YOUR body count, boyo? Unless she's your first broad, never mind hers unless it resembles the number of relatives I have in Windsor alone.(A cousin sired THIRTY-EIGHT children !!!)
Thoughts are what destroy people and if it makes you think, then he is not the right person for you. Yes, the past of our loved one may seem unimportant but it is actually important. Do the right thing and leave.
Are you bothered by her past because you’re worried she’ll repeat her past behavior? If you are and can’t move past it, you should find someone else. If you trust her and you want to move past it, you will move past it. It sounds like you are bothered more about her past than she is.
Everyone has a past. There must be things in your past that you may regret now. Ty to put it in the past.
Unless she was fooling around with your friends before you, I don't see how her past relationships have anything to do with you. Get your head out of your ass.
You need to grow up and realize you both had a life before dating each other! If you want to date someone with no past relationships, you’re not living in the real world. Just grow some balls!
I just accepted as limg as she has everything in Order to honour you.
But the past can bite ya. If dont accept it… move on.
Then you’re not ready to be with her. My partner knows about my ex-wife and I know if her previous partners. You can’t alter what has been. Either let go of your hang-ups or let her find someone who is going to accept her for her.
@oldschool1981 Why do you use EVERY SINGLE POST to say your wife has had sex with 200 or 400 or 800 men? And every time it's a different number? We got it. You don't have to say it again. And it's fake anyway.
Did you ask her about her past experiences or did she just bring them up on her own?
you don't have to accept anything including her past
time to move onto someone else is the best solution
don't allow the gaslighting get to you
Jeez. I've been married nine years old my wife estimates she's slept with more than 850 guys, roughly 300 since we've been married. It's no biggie
ditch the bitch
if you can't forgive her
forget her man
You cannot do anything about it. You need a low body count girl or a virgin. This is ok, more men than you think have this
always remember what she did before doesn't matter because it wasn't to you
end things. you're already ruining things and it ISN'T fair to her.
You need to either shut up or move on to be blunt. Why are you digging up her past anyway?
Get it in you head that her past is hers and your past is yours. It's what goes on in the present and future that actually matters.
This is radically unhealthy. Should you be in a relationship rn? Ever happened before?
She is with me now. And her intent is to stay that is all that should matter.
Don't worry - as you gradually forget about this, she will give you similar but new things to worry about as she cheats on you.
You are insecure. Go work on yourself
🤣🤣
EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY Yours Truly, needs self-improvement.
Typical slur on men with expectations
@BaronVonBarron All eight billion plus of us Earthlings are imperfect, so self-improvement should be a goal.
@BaronVonBarron i said the same thing men always say to women on here lol
@beefcakebradybatson we can still choose someone with one glitch less
@BaronVonBarron We should.
I mean what was so bad that it has you like this? Maybe u should embrace it.
sounds more like a mental problem that her past being an issue
If its that difficult already you never will
Do you consider it's a problem if she considers you past relationships?
Either get over it or leave her
You can't turn a hoe into a housewife.
@KrakenAttackin Also a trail of innocent victims... usually male
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