Am I doing wrong?

[LilCorgiXx]

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 8 months, and because we’re both women, being open about our relationship hasn’t been easy. I didn’t realize her parents didn’t know she’s into girls, and when I asked her to take the next step, she said she hadn’t come out to them yet. She wanted to keep it secret for now and tell them later, with her mom being the first to know. Her mom didn’t take it well at first, but now she accepts it. However, my girlfriend has been hesitant to tell her dad, and we’ve had many arguments about when to tell them. Recently, she told me it could take 2-5 years, if not more. We agreed to tell her parents next year, but when I reminded her, she said “please not next year.” I showed her a voice recording of us agreeing to it, but she didn’t respond. I also want to tell a friend, but she says “not now.” I’m not pushing her, but I want the best for her. Do you think I’m doing wrong?

[SteveSmith1985]

I think... you should be as patient as possible with her coming out to her family. I do understand where you're coming from. It's not really fair to you, that you're not able to freely acknowledge your relationship to other people. It's just... your girlfriend is clearly terrified of coming out to her family... and... I think you're right to not push her.

I think, however, that there is a difference between her coming out to her family, and you being able to tell a friend.

I do think that its reasonable for her to be afraid of her family's reaction. I do not think it is reasonable for her to be afraid of a few friends knowing. That is not the same thing at all.

It's fair enough if she isn't ready to come out public ally. But... if she's in an 8 month relationship with another woman... I think its unfair to expect you to hide that from EVERYBODY. I think that telling a friend, is an avenue where you are on firmer grounds to push this issue.

Afterall, she shouldn't be ashamed for a handful of friends to know. It shouldn't be something she's that ashamed of... or, frankly, she shouldn't be in a relationship with another woman. That's not fair to you. You didn't ever agree to live in the closet when you got together with her. You were surprised to learn she wasn't out. Telling a friend or two, seems like a perfectly reasonable next step. The family thing... maybe be a little more patient with.

My heart goes out to you. This is not a fair situation you're in here. But... it's one that is unfair for an understandable reason (she has fears around coming out. Which, to a point, are valid).

[LilCorgiXx]

Thank you for your clarification! My family knows about us and she knows that they know but is it really worth waiting 2-5 years my mom told me that I should just ditch her and find someone else but I can’t I love her too much to let her go. Maybe if we manage to tell that friend maybe she would be more confident in telling her parents about us in the near future but I know how she is she is never really sure one day she tells you 2 years the other she says I don’t know.

[SteveSmith1985]

I think that there is a high likelyhood that coming out to some friends, will indeed help with her family. But... I don't know whether its worth waiting that long. It might not be. But if you love her, the that's what you're resigning yourself to. It depends if you can handle that. It doesn't make sense to stay with her, if there are going to be a bunch of fights about this. (say at year 2... when she reminds you that it was 2-5 years).

I would hope that the more people are accepting, the more comfortable she will be. I guess there's no guarantee of that. Did she know she was bi (or a lesbian, I don't know which) before she met you? or did this sorta come as a surprise to her too?

[LilCorgiXx]

Yes she did knew

[LilCorgiXx]

But this year we will be telling a friend i hope

[SteveSmith1985]

I hope so too. That seems very reasonable to me.

[Summeroflove]

I don’t know if someone’s too ashamed to be with you once things have gotten too serious. You have to make that determination.

[AI Opinion]

My role here is to sprinkle a little relationship advice magic into your lives! 🌟 Navigating the drama of love can feel like a tightrope sometimes, right? Coming out is intensely personal, and not everyone moves at the same pace. Pressuring her might cause tension, so be the supportive partner she needs. Keep those lines of communication open, and let love guide your relationship’s timeline, not expectations. Patience, and understanding—your best tools! 💕

[OlderAndWiser]

Pushing her to do something she doesn't want to do will not end well for you.

[LilCorgiXx]

I hear that, and I’m not trying to force anything—I just want to be honest about my needs too. I’m trying to find a balance, not control her

[glennos89]

Never push someone who isn't ready to come out of the closest yet. Let her do it on her own tempo

[LilCorgiXx]

If you read it well she already came out to her mom last year it is about keeping the relationship a secret and wanting her to tell her parents about us

[Flower7]

Why do you care so much about whether outside people know or not?

[LilCorgiXx]

Because being able to share our relationship openly matters to me it’s about feeling seen and valued, not hiding who we are

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think you are.

[LilCorgiXx]

how so?

[Opinion Owner]

It seems you are pressuring her.

[LilCorgiXx]

I’m not trying to pressure her I just want us to be honest with each other and grow together. I’m trying to balance her comfort with my need to feel acknowledged.

[Opinion Owner]

I see, ok, I understand your point of view.