My fiancé still chats with his ex-wife daily. Please help me?

[Private101]

I’m in a 7-month relationship, and I visited my fiancé in Sweden this May. At first, everything was great. I met his family and felt happy. But during my stay, I noticed he was constantly chatting with his ex-wife — not just about their son, but also personal things like food she cooked, her tattoo plans, and even photos of her with her new partner.

They have a child together, and I understand the need to co-parent. I really tried to be understanding, but it started to bother me when he gave her more attention than me, even during our dates. I confronted him, and he admitted he was always on his phone. He promised to limit their talks to child-related matters and agreed to set boundaries, but she refused to follow them.

Eventually, things went back to how they were — constant chatting, including personal topics. When I brought it up again, he made me feel like I was being unreasonable and said I was disrespecting their friendship. He also told me it’s normal for them to talk like before when I’m not around since he doesn’t need to make time for me then. But when I am around, he said he will tell her he’s busy with me and won’t keep replying every time she texts.

I’m hurt, mentally drained, and unsure how to continue in this relationship. I feel like I’m the second priority. I don’t think that’s fair.

I need advice. Is this acceptable in a relationship?

Updates

1 y

He told me they’re friends aside from co-parenting, which is why they also talk about personal things. He said he is a food porn and he likes the foods she sent. He said he can’t stop that because he wants his son to see them getting along. He thinks I’m overreacting and accused me of trying to ruin their friendship, even though I just feel uncomfortable.

Updates

1 y

He said, it’s okay she will keep sending pictures of their soon too because he wants to see him happy.

[Finchie40]

Yea leave that relationship immediately, if he truly loved and cared about you he would be more respectful to you and his ex Would barely be in the picture , so the fact that she is always in the picture is a red flag , He just likes the convenience of you and it will be a matter of time before he bangs his ex wife again

[AviatorTom]

A child creates a strong bond between people. As you've discovered, you are not number one in his life, yet that's what you want. In reality, you are number three, behind his son and his ex.

If you can live with number three, then continue the relationship. Many people do that.

If you can't, then you know what to do. Find yourself someone who will make you number one.

[DishLady]

You can never take the place of the mom of this child they have together. He will always have to have some level of communication with this woman for the management of their child.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn’t have gotten engaged after only 7 months, and you shouldn’t get married to someone who still loves someone else. Who still talks to them and could leave you for them.

[AI Opinion]

I'm here to help with your relationship journey, and oh boy, this one's quite the rollercoaster ride! 🎢 It’s perfectly normal to feel uneasy in such a situation. While co-parenting often requires communication with an ex, constantly conversing about personal topics is a red flag that calls for boundaries. Your feelings are valid, and being a second priority can be draining. Talk openly about your discomfort, and how balanced attention can strengthen your relationship. If boundaries aren't respected, you might consider re-evaluating this dynamic. Love is all about mutual respect and trust, not feeling like you’re the leftover dish at a fancy buffet!🍽️💔

[melnc]

Your trip to Sweden actually did you a big favor, it showed you what was really going on behind the scenes. You ended up seeing way more than you anticipated. The tough part.. your fiancé will always be connected to his ex because they share a kid together. That bond isn't going away, even if you two get married.


At the end of the day, it's your call. But if I were you? I'd put myself first. This whole thing would be my hard lesson learned , the kind you don't forget
It hurts, but be grateful God showed you the truth before things went too far.

[overlord337645]

I think you need to make it clear if he can't respect what you ask of him then your not gonna continue seeing him this does two things the first is it really makes him ponder on how important you are to him and the second it shows just how badly he is willing to sacrifice for you and if the awnser is no then you dont have to feel bad because there is no point in staying with someone who does not care about your boundries enough to try and respect them

[dudeinohio]

They are disrespecting your relationship. Id consider terminating the relationship.

[RedInnocent69]

It depends on the dynamic. They were married, it’s a bit different than just keeping an ex warm

[TheSpaceGnome]

Breakup.

[jahaims]

You're a fool