Would you prefer your partner find you physically irresistible bc of what they SEE, or bc of how they FEEL about you?

Question

Obviously a mixture of both is ideal. I think most people would enjoy being found attractive bc of how their partner feels about them as a person AND bc of what is seen.. In an ideal world one compliments the other. We are physically drawn to personally relatable energy and we become beautiful to those who love us.

However, as a thought exercise, I want us to move to a slightly dystopian setting:

☝🏻 You are forced to choose only ONE.

So in one case, your partner can find what they see absolutely exquisite in detail, but it is inextricably linked to the visual. The risk here is tho you are physically beloved in the present, these feelings can change.. I e they may come to still love you but will not be able to desire you.

Alternatively, the way attraction works for them is desire develops in direct proportion to the love they feel for a person. In this case, they love you fully so they see you as absolutely striking in a very passionate yet highly imprecise manner. This means they will desire you greatly but may never be able to see you clearly.

I can imagine people who are just in something casual or short term or highly based on physical attributes & sexual activity, might choose the former. Those looking for a long-term commitment, might be more interested in the ladder.

Well, as I said neither is ideal. Depending on the context, one could be much more fitting than the other.

And again I recognize this is highly unusual like it’s very rare that a situation like this would actually rise in reality so it’s not meant to be realistic. I’m just curious, when going to extremes, what is more appealing to people. In other words, which one is more disturbing to people. 😏

Merci!!

Updates

6 mo

I FORGOT THE POLL!! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh well. At least I will know why you all
Answer the way you would have voted. Maybe it’s for the best even tho I REALLY like seeing the numbers 🫤

Ok. Well, next time 🫠

Updates

6 mo

Oh I forgot to mention I hope everyone is doing well. I haven’t been in for some time - nothing perilous, just life. So yes for those who I haven’t spoken to in some time and well everyone else too, wish you the best 💛

I know, I know, I just used up my updates for the best two weeks with stuff that would easily fit into one update. Very inefficient use of character space. 🙂‍↔️

See you around. Hope whatever your time constraints you can get some spring 🌱 in. Sun, birds, grass, trees, etc

TonyMetal___86 · Accepted Answer

I prefer to be irresistible when it comes about how she feels towards me, because looks won't lasts, the physicale traits will change over time, i'm not saying that someone is ugly but not also a model or a bodybuilder hehe

Back in my early 20's i was athletic built liie a rock, powerful... etc

Now i'm about to become 40 in a couple of months, i'm overweight and not athletic at all, maybe some women would still be attracted to my face but forget about my body because i'm like a dad bod now and even more, plus i don't care anymore about who likes me or likes me not, i'm just myself, but inside i'm still the same man and in contrary i grew to become a better man in my life, so if a girl is going to be attracted to me, for sure it's going to be about how she feels towards me and not because of my looks, that's the truth!

Life had taught me to look deep inside a person and not to be distracted by the shallows because a lake might appear so beautiful and calm from the outside but when you dive deep inside it, you will see a different world filled with horror and monsters...

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

Great question! And thank you for specifying "You are forced to choose only ONE." Not much triggers me more than people who refuse to answer a hypothetical question, even if it's just that... hypothetical.

This is a tough one for me. I do want them to be physically attracted to me. I put effort into my appearance and physical fitness, and it would turn me off if I knew my partner wasn't physically attracted to me. But let's say I get into an accident and I face some kind of deformity or I eventually get old with sagging skin no matter how much I try to keep in shape. It would be tragic if they were no longer attracted to me.

In a relationship, I'd obviously prefer both, but if I absolutely had to choose one, it would definitely be how they feel about me. We all eventually lose our looks, at least to an extent, no matter how much effort we put into it. But who we are as a person is potentially more consistent.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

The real answer is somewhere in middle. I’ve been used as “eye candy” (walking in on a guy’s arm at a major event) and I’ve been used for my brains and work ethic… Neither extreme feels good.

EmmaMary · Accepted Answer

@vivant  I certainly hope my husband finds me irresistible for how he feels about me... Just the same as I do about him.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

For this love-struck synergy, I'd totally vibe with being irresistible because of how they feel about me. It brings out all those long-term relationship feels, like when you can wear pajamas and still be the love of their life. When someone loves you inside-out, the real beauty unfolds beyond the fancy hairdo or six-pack abs. Your essence stays their favorite sight even on the cloudiest days! 💖😏

Finchie40 · Answer

I’d say how they feel about me , because looks don’t mean shit if someone doesn’t have a good heart or good personality, Just because someone looks good on the outside it doesn’t mean they are good in the inside. So I prefer a girl to like me for who I
Am on the inside

Realistic07 · Answer

By how they feel about me. I’d rather somebody be head over heels over who I am as a person than what I look like. Mind you I don’t look like a very ugly person I don’t think but, that is a very perspective argument. That said and or regardless I believe in the heart of people over the appearance of them. And a partner that can respect me for who I am inside rather than what I look like is worth every moment of time.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Evolutionary biology dictates that only species that prioritize reproducing attractive offspring can further the bloodline. Any fantasy about prioritizing feelings means the end of the species.
YOUR FAMILY LITERALLY DIES because you prioritize your feelings over facts.
Let that sink in.

That said, i’m ugly. So my only choice is to be valued for my personality, or not at all.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I am 70 years old and not delusional. My wife’s attraction to me is not based on my appearance, and I’m fine with that. My personality will endure much longer than my appearance.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

It's not that I'm more interested in the🪜option. It's that I can't make sense of the former option. Who can look seriously look at anyone objectively, except a bot or a doctor examining a patient. There has to be feelings associated in our attraction, we're not machines or emotionless. But we can be very detached from what we feel, it doesn't mean we don't feel, it means that we're blinded. For many reasons, and I think all of them have already been copiously explained by psychology.

In 🦦 news, how come you forgot the poll? You must be distracted !

Wishing you the best too, cool beans 🫡

Grond21 · Answer

This is an interesting dichotomy you have set up here. If forced to pick, I think I would have to pick that she would find me irresistible based on my character. It's far more stable and most likely far more healthy.

Zack-Bann · Answer

The eyes only ever see what the mind allows them to see

So I’d want my partner to see beauty in me not just feel it

Because the abstract feeling can be treacherous
We often don’t understand it ourselves

Tarifa · Answer

If a relationship is exclusively based on looks, it is void of any meaning. Nor will it have any future. A bit like an empty book with an attractive cover.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Speaking from experience, having someone because of how they feel is the way to go.. Attraction only gets you in the door and it's fleeting.. Especially for women.. They may find you irresistible because they like what they see one day, but, give it about a couple of months and they'll realize whether they like you as a person or not.. But women go more on how men make them feel, which is why you will see pretty girls gushing over some not so savory looking guys..

exitseven · Answer

This is a good question. I would prefer that she finds me physically attractive first and then finds out that i am really as good as i look.

I dated somebody for a long time who really was only average looking but she was really quirky and different than other girls i knew. Somehow I fell in love with her and as I did she got better looking. I really thought she was cute. Eventually we broke up and all of a sudden i saw her for how she really looked.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

A mixture of both isn't just ideal, it's required. If she is not physically obsessed AND mentally enthralled with me, then I'm not interested.

Likes2drive · Answer

Luckily, my girlfriend was attracted to me physically and my personality just like I was with her, but I have tried it to go with personality only but when you’re not attracted to them physically, it makes a big difference just like looks would fade anyway so you can’t go by just that either so you have to go by both

WhitneySnow · Answer

The second one is the one I would choose. Based on how they feel.

Nikki1989 · Answer

A partner's desires and likes should extend way beyond the physical.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Feelings outlast looks. There’s always someone better/different/interesting, but feelings are more entrenched and take longer to change

SotiCoto · Answer

Can we go with the third option of having very compatible thought-processes and ideals? I mean I don't really care about feelings, and frankly I find it uncomfortable if someone disagrees with my personal assessment that I'm ugly...

blondfrog · Answer

How they feel about me. Because of what they physically see won't be there forever. How long can your body look good? 10-20 years? 30 which is rare but eventually it will all fade. But if they like your personality that can last a lifetime.

Shiprex · Answer

How they feel about you then you can feel safe that curiosity will be rewarded by them for the relationship

lightbulb27 · Answer

feelings... oh oh ohohhhhh feelings...

Panthero80 · Answer

Feel, because that would be affected by my looks plus personality.

Theanastasia08 · Answer

Looks wouldn’t hurt. But I also find a good personality nice. And sense of humor is good.

genericname85 · Answer

i wouldn't want it to be just one of these things.

ChristianMaeTorres · Answer

I need both. There's no question about this.

sage2021 · Answer

Because of how they feel about me.

Valdemort · Answer

How they feel

Godihateyou · Answer

External. What she feels is for her. I will love myself enough.

Tstrbrainer · Answer

In a serious relationship, how one feels about their partner is crucial.

WonderingManII · Answer

how they FEEL about me

MysticDevice · Answer

Definitely how they feel

Babygirl_S · Answer

A good combination

Sevenpointfive · Answer

perhaps you should start this one over?

trumpetplayerforlife · Answer

How they feel

Agape93 · Answer

Feel

nikkiforfun · Answer

A mix of both

Alexa1999_ · Answer

I like both.

eagle1951 · Answer

feel

Sammygirl9287 · Answer

How they feel

PaleDale · Answer

Feel

rominuser · Answer

Both!!

Would you prefer your partner find you physically irresistible bc of what they SEE, or bc of how they FEEL about you?

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Would you prefer your partner find you physically irresistible bc of what they SEE, or bc of how they FEEL about you?

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