Boyfriend lied again?

[Anonymous]

So I’ve come to the conclusion that my boyfriend is a narcissist. He gave me the silent treatment often and I cut contact. Months later he reached out and we got back together. He told me while we weren’t speaking he was having sex with his fling he had before we got together.

I had asked him before not to speak to her when we were together because I was not allowed to speak to male friends so why should he be able to speak to his sex friend.

The other day he told me she messaged him. I asked him to block her on Facebook and he said he did. I just checked now and I can see she liked his photo from last year so he lied to me. If he blocked her she wouldn’t be visible on his likes. He’s lied to me a lot about things like doing drugs, driving girls home, std. I’m at my end. I have tried and I’m so hurt. I don’t think he ever loved me.

Should I even bother explaining to him that I know he lied or just wish him well?

[RespectfulGuy]

You already said he's a narcissist. Do you like being tortured? Emotionally? If not, it's a perfectly good reason to leave, fast.

Lying is a part of being a narcissist. And it's not good for a relationship, especially long term. It's never fun to breakup and madeup again and again. He's doing the same to other girls. You're "just" another girl in his list of exs.

Hence if you don't feel respected and treasured in this relationship, then it probably isn't. Leave. Fast. And don't look back. Other girls faced similar treatments.

[Asker]

I know this logically. He even said his longest relationship prior to me was 3 months and how he’s been called toxic. I tried to hold onto some hope but now I see there’s no point.

[RespectfulGuy]

You're in your late 20s.

Don't waste time on someone who most likely won't form a lasting relationship with you.

My opinion is, find a man around your age who is willing to commit and is ready to settle down.

With a "down to earth" man, you'll less likely be disappointed.

[RedInnocent69]

I’d be unsure if the photo like was before or after he blocked her, but yeah, he doesn’t appreciate or respect you and his using the ever present threat of her to manipulate you. Stop calling him your boyfriend, or start calling yourself his cum dumpster. TBH, you’re not much more than that to him at the moment. Sorry

[Asker]

See the thing is, if he blocked her then her previous likes wouldn’t be visible. So he lied. Again. Like I actually cried when he told me he slept with her and how they’ve been hooking up, telling me he didn’t use a condom and how it was good etc. like I cried for days. I told him how much he hurt me because he used to talk about her, how she hurt him. Then I thought okay guys have sex without love so maybe it’s that. He said he was drunk and saw her at the bar but it’s been ongoing.
Honestly I did so much to try to make him happy, I always made him a priority and I think he was just using me for money, gas etc because he wasn’t working, still isn’t. She’s a female version of him (drinking, drugs, smoking) and I’m the opposite, I don’t do any of that. Maybe he just never even liked me, he sure didn’t respect me.

[RedInnocent69]

Don’t beat yourself up. Guys are assholes. Just move on 🤗🤗

[AI Opinion]

Navigating these choppy relationship waters can be a ride, huh? 🌊 If your boyfriend's playlist includes charming hits like lying, ghosting, and pulling the ol' disappearing act, it's time to consider changing the track. 🕺 Honesty is like the bassline in a good love song—without it, the tune falls flat. If sharing your feelings won't bring change, dancing solo might be the best option. You deserve someone who's all in, not just occasionally dropping by for a guest appearance. 💃

[Summeroflove]

Let me tell you something about a narcissist they genuinely believe you’re stupid and naive therefore deserve to be lied to. Because you’re too stupid to catch on, too weak to stand for yourself, and too naïve. I know that hurts but that is genuinely their way of thinking. People who have empathy and feel remorse as well as guilt for their behaviors project that onto someone else as well.

So you genuinely believe that he feels bad about the way he treated you and the things he has done. But in reality he doesn’t.

Narcissists don’t create genuine connections so yes they absolutely will cheat on you and it will never be their fault. Normal people leave relationships where they aren’t happy anymore or genuinely make a effort to work things out. The narcissist doesn’t have that they will have sex outside the relationship. They will have emotional affairs.

Number one it’s for their own pleasure and getting themselves off. But it also feeds them supply. Makes them feel good to know they’re still wanted and getting that type of attention even outside the relationship. When most people who are in love just don’t see anyone else that way anymore even if they are attractive.

Trying to explain something to a narcissist is going to get into making it your fault. The gaslighting you and getting into circular logic. Be clear that you’re not interested in being with him anymore and break it off. That’s all you owe him. You don’t have to get into a argument about it. So he can gaslight you and say nothing is going on when there obviously is.

By the time you catch someone cheating once they will or have cheated 1,000 times. You’re just catching on. At least you caught it when you first got back together. Because many narcissists unless you’re paying attention are very carefully in covering things up. By the time they get caught sometimes it’s because they got sloppy or wanted to get caught.

[Asker]

Hi, you’re absolutely correct. I did end up breaking up with him but for a different reason. He just didn’t respect me at all and when I tried to explain things from before and how I felt he didn’t care. I found out because he did those same things again. I was hoping he changed in the months apart but in his eyes I’m in the wrong. It hurts but he’s not for me.

[Summeroflove]

I’m glad you broke things off it can be hard to admit to yourself someone’s a narcissist or other dark personality. Because they can seem so good and charming at first glance.

To the point where by the time you figure it out and admit it to yourself they already got what they wanted form you.

[Summeroflove]

Narcissists just don’t have respect from others. They may want others to respect them but there is those double standards you’ll notice with these people.

It does hurt because you’re a good person. If it didn’t hurt then it would signal that you don’t genuinely have feelings either. But that’s the sad thing is they take advantage of people who can genuinely love.

They use sympathy as a means of excusing their behavior and having someone to enable them.

[Summeroflove]

But yea asker these people will continue the same behavior patters. They may stop for a while or hide it for a while. But chances are 9/10 they will revert back to their old ways.

Can people with empathy and remorse cheat? The answer is yes it happens however they feel genuinely horrible for it. As well as learn to stop doing it in future relationships and accept the consequences of their actions meaning if someone breaks up with them. They understand

[Finchie40]

Tell him it’s over and if he asks why? just say I don’t date liars , Good Bye I am over your shit and o no longer want to be with you

[slatyb]

Why are you still wasting time on him? Is he the last single man on your planet? Being single has to be better than being with him.

[Asker]

You’re right. I’m happier and less stressed single. I do still love him despite everything , I guess in some way I thought I was being loyal but he doesn’t care.

[slatyb]

Try loving someone who loves you back. That tends to work better for most people.

Did you grow up in a home with a lot of drama?

[Asker]

No. I think I just wanted it to work with him despite everything. I don’t want to go from one guy to the next. I watched too many Disney movies if anything lol

[slatyb]

"I don't want to go from one guy to the next" Why? It's not a job. If you are unhappy, end it and move on. You don't owe any man your time.

[Asker]

You’re right. I guess I hoped that somehow I’d have met the right person and really tried to make this guy be the one when he clearly isn’t for me

[slatyb]

Never expect to change someone with your love. It probably won't happen. Choose a partner you can love as they are.

[OneViewpoint]

Sure, tell him his behavior sucks. Let him know you're not stupid. Then cut him off and don't look back.

[Anonymous]

Tell him that you know about the like.

[Jeff51]

Move on.