How do I stop feeling so lonely?

Question

I love my husband and he's give me everything I want and need but I just feel so lonely he has to work late sometimes but even when he's here sometimes I feel so lonely how do I fix this so I don't make a mistake and mess up

Cormac995 · Accepted Answer

I know it's difficult but the best thing you can do is make sure you get the absolute most out of the time you do have together. You're going to need to learn to cope with it to an extent if this is work related there's no way around it but you can do things like making phone calls a nightly thing when he's away on business. If need be you could talk dirty for more personal needs it's actually kind of enjoyable in my opinion.

You also need to make sure the time you have together is well spent. You should make sure whenever possible snuggling, private time and sex are things you do sometimes maybe even if you're not in the mood but they are you have sex for them because it helps with the bond. It's ok to say no some times but saying no too much will kill the relationship because once a bond is established in that area it needs maintenance to the best of their ability.

Now when you say the phrase "Before I make a mistake." Makes me think there is something going on or someone in the picture. Listen to me, if there is a guy pursuing you and he knows you're married he's not worth it. Any man who is willing to engage in an affair proves several things the moment they are open to it.

1. They don't respect you or your boundaries because they don't respect your marriage.

2. They think you're a whore because they're convinced with enough effort even though you're married you'll spread your legs.

3. It's a form of "use" in my opinion and it's sick which is why affairs always come with regret. I've seen what affairs do to people they can be genuinely traumatic for everyone involved. You're a person not a sex object remembers that because people open to affairs prove that's all they see you as the moment they're open to it.

4. They can't be trusted because if they don't respect your marriage why would they respect any bond they make with you? in my opinion to have an affair you have to be at least slightly sociopathic. The only time I could ever sympathize with someone having an affair is if they're SO abusive. Sometimes it takes real love and passion to remember what you felt like before someone beat who you were out of you. The thing is this is the VAST minority of cases, and it does not sound like your situation qualifies as abusive.

I highly encourage you and your husband to create "Recreational videos" for each other for when you can't have sex. I actively encourage this because I think that too much porn can be unhealthy in a relationship even if both parties are ok with it. I encourage couples that are married or life partners to share these things because it lets you get that urge out while still focused on the person it's meant to be spent with.

You also should try to make dates a priority with the time you have and do the same things you did before you were married that made you fall in love in the first place. Basically make the time QUALITY time so the memories are sweeter. I also encourage a scrap book or love journal so you have something to look through when you miss them so you can recall all the memoires vividly.

A pet may also be a good idea, a dog or a cat might help although I've also hear parrots can be very loving and they live a long time so you wouldn't have to worry about the heartbreak that comes with pets as soon as cat and dog owners :( Also find little rituals that comfort you. Maybe make polishing your wedding ring a daily chore or something along those lines?

This is also kind of a weird one but record each other whispering and mumbling sweet things to each other and listen to them with headphones. Being able to hear their voice before bed even if they aren't there will help comfort you a lot.

BobbieBoy666 · Accepted Answer

Feeling lonely in a marriage can be difficult, but it's possible to address it by focusing on communication, connection, and individual well-being. Openly communicating your feelings to your partner, spending quality time together, and nurturing your own interests and social connections can help alleviate loneliness in a marriage.
Here's a more detailed breakdown of how to address loneliness in marriage:
1. Communication is Key:
Open and Honest Talk:
Share your feelings of loneliness with your partner. Let them know how you are feeling and what you need in the relationship.
Active Listening:
Pay attention to what your partner says and try to understand their perspective.
Avoid Blame:
Focus on finding solutions together rather than assigning blame.
Create a Safe Space:
Make sure you and your partner feel comfortable sharing your emotions and concerns with each other.
2. Nurture Your Relationship:
Quality Time: Plan regular date nights, outings, or activities that you both enjoy.
Create Rituals: Develop shared routines or traditions that strengthen your bond.
Express Affection: Show your love and appreciation for each other through words and actions.
Work on Communication Skills: Consider a couples' counselor or workshops to improve your communication and understanding.
3. Take Care of Your Individual Needs:
Self-Care:
Make time for activities that help you relax, recharge, and feel good about yourself.
Hobby Time:
Explore or rediscover your interests. Engage in hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Social Connections:
Make an effort to maintain friendships and build a network of support outside of your marriage.
Find Your Tribe:
Connect with like-minded individuals and build friendships that provide a sense of belonging.
4. Consider Professional Help:
Couples Therapy:
A therapist can help you and your partner navigate communication issues and improve your relationship.
Individual Therapy:
If you are struggling with loneliness or other emotional issues, consider individual therapy to address your needs.
5. Other Tips:
Express Gratitude:
Acknowledge and appreciate the positive aspects of your marriage and your partner.
Focus on the Present:
Instead of dwelling on past hurts, concentrate on creating positive experiences in the present.
Find Meaning and Purpose:
Engage in activities that give you a sense of purpose and meaning in life.
Remember, You're Not Alone:
Many people experience loneliness in marriage. Don't hesitate to seek support and resources to help you navigate this challenge.

Spend More Time TogetherThe demands of daily life, including family and work, can make it hard to focus on your relationship. 5 Doing things like carving out time for a date night, going to bed at the same time, and talking about your days are just a few things that can help you feel more connected to your spouse.

PeachyPie93 · Accepted Answer

Focus on not obtaining your happiness from him because he just won't make you happy.. that goes for the majority of men. Hangout with friends and family more than you spend time with him and then the quality time together will be much more valuable.

Apple1996 · Accepted Answer

Just gotta learn how to have fun by yourself and keep busy. My husband is gone a lot because he's military and deploys every other year so I've gotten really use to being alone

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My goal on Girls Ask Guys is to sprinkle relationship wisdom with a dash of flirtation! 😘 Feeling lonely even in a relationship can be confusing. It's essential to communicate your feelings to your husband openly, as he might not be aware. Try to engage in activities that make you feel connected, like date nights or hobbies together. And hey, a little self-time can work wonders too! You're not alone, and with a sprinkle of effort, that lonely feeling can fade. 💖

Genie23 · Answer

Lonely even when he's there with you? Did you ever try to express this to him? You should, it will help him understand what exactly do you need and might be able to fix that or help you feel less lonely.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Do you feel that you have a purpose in life, a reason to exist, a commitment to making the world a better place for others?

AviatorTom · Answer

Spend time with friends. Your husband should not be the only person in your life.

ohsheeT · Answer

Have you talked to him about it. When you are both together is he with you or in his own world

Geo1970 · Answer

I sorry that you are having a terrible time as of late.
You mention that he works long hours, sometimes late.
In order to try and find a solution to this problem, do you have many friends inside and outside of your own job?
If so, and you are not part of a gym, you know, one of those open twenty four - seven ones.
Maybe you could get a group of you together and train together or do some of the classes that they have available.
Or alternatively you could arrange for nights out at the cinema, go to the theatre, music concerts etc, and all arranged to do with your friends to hopefully not leave for feeling lonely, and at the same time have some fun with your friends.

You could use for example the list of possibilities as:

1, Monday - Gym,

2, Tuesday - cinema,

3, Wednesday, Theatre,

4, Thursday, Gym classes,

5, Friday, concert,

6, Saturday, Lunch or Dinner, with friends also,

7, Out in the countryside for walking, with friends again.

In amongst all of this, remembering that these are just some ideas, either omitting a certain day or days, or working them around the valuable time spent with you husband.

My insight is, if you are not filling your days with some of the things that you enjoy doing, and at the same time doing this with some of your best friends and work colleagues, then you are going to spend to much time worrying about the roots of your current situation.

Once again I am very sorry about what you are going through. What I have suggested is only a suggestion, but I was in a similar situation, a very void place, when I discovered the gym it helped me and at the same time helped me to focus again on my music.

I wish you all the very best.

Zack-Bann · Answer

If you’re age is accurate you’re far too young to be bored with your husband
There clearly is more than boredom going on

I could go into a whole nuanced answer and try to dig into what’s missing

But I would rather aim for the most obvious:
Are you getting laid enough?
And by that I mean are you reaching the big O
Because you write like someone who isn’t

lightbulb27 · Answer

seems normal for some women where they want their man around them... security, want family.

who knows your psychology, anxiety... do you have losses before, people die? Maybe you have fear. you have opportunities to grow... talk to a therapist, go to church, look inside yourself, watch videos to work on yourself. you are very young, much to live.

If you are home alone and bored, that is the problem. Find something to keep your mind occupied other than worry, anxiety, fear, etc.. a lot of problems can be made up in your mind when have an idle mind.

women strong right brain, emotional... hormonal swings... yea, this stuff can happen.

Try to schedule time with him and spend time praying to god other times, or doing work , working on yourself, playing music. Try not to annoy him... you can call and talk and such, but don't be over burden.

RHK36 · Answer

Have hobbies and spend time with friends. Keeping yourself occupied with doing something productive should keep you fulfilled.

If you still feel lonely then you are probably with your husband for the wrong reasons. You didn't really say why or how you loved your husband other than describing a provider. Women that choose a partner based on providing can and most likely will get bored because they are with him for what he provides and not because they actually love the person.

Women stop dating men that resemble your father. Date someone that will be your partner and compliment you in your life so that you are doing it together rather than having someone take care of you like a parent would.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

I don't make a mistake and mess, up very intresting lines.

Hmm so looks like you are eyeing someone, know this the path you chose will ruin a good life.

The man toils for you to provide and secure your life and to live a comfortable life.

Yes for some times you may feel lonely or disconnect even when his their possibly he would be tired requiring a little space.

Inbest case scenario have s hobby that you could spend time on and which could generate a passive income so keeping yourself busy will disengage you from unwanted thoughts.

Jove79 · Answer

If you are asking this question and worried you will “mess up” it’s too late, you already cheated or thinking about it. That alone makes you look bad.

Instead of cheating on your husband, don’t ask us for help on how to stop feeling lonely, and tell your HUSBAND you feel lonely, and resolve the issue with him, not us.

I never understood why people will usually never communicate with their significant other and just choose to ruin the relationship.

This is sooo common. A woman will feel lonely and feel the need to suck some other guy off.. because she’s bored.

Ricopan · Answer

I was married to a woman who said this to me, and it didn't matter how much I tried to work on it with her, there was no change. She kept wanting more, without acknowledging what I did and was doing. When we were in divorce court, she couldn't even prove her case.

Here's what I know.

Loneliness comes from within. It is a spiritual condition. I learned this after having my own bout with it. I don't know if you believe in Jesus, but I can say this without reservation, when I gave it to God, he filled the void in my soul. I've been divorced for 3 years and I am single, but not lonely.

Hope this helps.

QuestionObsession · Answer

This is the shit saga of every ungrateful wife, unfortunately. The man works and provides and the woman is still unhappy and complains about being lonely.

Then there are the feminists who poison women and make them feel guilty for not being more selfish than they already are.

Most women do not even deserve a husband/ marriage. And most women are the cause of good men turning into insecure assholes. If only men did not crave pussy, our world would have been so much more peaceful and joyful. 😎🤪

molonski2 · Answer

In a word or two

Communication and Interests , seek external interests and become your own person , don't just be reliant on him , that's simply one part of your life.

Your approach is too insular , expand your thoughts and get too busy to be lonely.

Caroline91 · Answer

I think you need to be asking this question in therapy. Either something is very wrong with you marriage or you have some unresolved issues that need to be addressed. It's not a good thing to feel lonely all the time. Please do get help and I wish you well. We all deserve to be happy.

Billlewis · Answer

At least you were able to find someone who was suitable for marriage, but didn't tell you they wanted to keep shopping. Many people don't even get that far nowadays, apparently because a lofty percentage of both genders' singles are too selective in their evaluation process. I do sympathize with you, however, and hope things improve for you post haste. Good luck!

Anonymous · Answer

This is why men don’t want to get married. You could give her everything but she still isn’t happy. So let’s see.

Does his job require him to work that much or could he cut back that you two would be ok? Do you work? If no then why? Do you have children?

Anonymous · Answer

First things first I'll flat out tell you what you don't want to hear but need to hear... he's cheating on you or having an affair. Second he doesn't love you anymore or falling out of love with you. Third work on yourself fill your life with hobbies or a job or go make friends people to talk to

People in the comments will tell you go to a therapist 🤣 yeah good luck with that. A qualified therapist or any therapist for that matter won't give you the answers or advice you need nor will they ask you the pertinent and relevant questions you need to be asking yourself

firenine909 · Answer

Get a hobby and get some friends. If you have someone you love it’s good but having them be the only part of your life is a very terrible thing that’ll make you feel like a miserable person if it goes south

NoDecision · Answer

Being lonely sucks! You can have a on of friends but still feel lonely. Maybe therapy will help? I have no answers.

Anonymous · Answer

if you are lonely while your husband is there, there is something very wrong with your marriage. It means your husband is physically there but never emotionally there. that is a very starved relationship. Many people say they are happily married but they aren't happy at all. People's standards are rather low when they say they are happy

Shiprex · Answer

Have or join in some hobbies and groups where you can do something that keeps you occupied. If you're on your own it's by choice and not an essential part of your day. Sports are good, cycling, gym and something to do when you're on your own.

Anonymous · Answer

you probably will, sounds like your “mistake messing up” is a more acceptable way of saying you want to cheat. Said it yourself, the guy gave you everything, and even when he is there you feel this way, he chose a shitty lustful ungreatful piece of shit women, can’t blame him though, there are a lot of you out there. L for him.

rebelkid · Answer

First off you MUST be completely honest with yourself regarding the root cause of you feeling so lonely.
Are you lonely because your husband no longer completes you? Or are you lonely because you no longer feel the same for your husband?
Now there are far more variables involved, however, the 2 that I mentioned are the ones that are extreme. I am here if you ever want objective advice.

genericname85 · Answer

feelings exist so you satisfy your needs. what's your need? company? physical touch? intimacy? feeling "lonely" isn't the problem. it's very vague. you need to narow it down first and then you can work at fixing it.

jtg13 · Answer

Have your own independent life. Sounds like codependency hasn't taken root in your past while his hasn't

SamWinchester058 · Answer

You should be very intentional with the time you spend together as a couple. Make sure you are both setting aside time for one another to do things that fulfill BOTH of your needs.

french_omelette · Answer

Try to fill in the gap with other hobbies/people but also communicate with him that you feel lonely, it will make him feel wanted which he will love

Benjiman19 · Answer

Find yourself some girl friends who you can relate with and just be around when your husband isn't there. Tea parties or whatnot. Hope you get it figured out for yourself

Nikki1989 · Answer

Your marriage is broken, you need to work on that. This should never be the case within a marriage.

Jackblue · Answer

Tell him you need more spooning and compliments and for the two of you to find things to do together like have nice dinners or go for walks. Additionally just because you are married doesn't mean you can't have friends.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Stfu and count your blessings. Is he paying for a roof over your head? Is he paying for all the bills? Is he paying for your food? Yes? Then stfu.

SotiCoto · Answer

First step: Don't Cheat.  Second step: Don't fuckin cheat.  Third step: You cheated, didn't you? Start over.

Sal_Monella · Answer

Talk to him, heartfelt. He's working late for you.

Anonymous · Answer

You're engaging with others who make you feel lonely.  People make us feel lonely, they are a reflection of our struggle to connect.

Massageman · Answer

Get some outside interests. Volunteer at your church, or at a local animal shelter. Think of it as practice for when you turn 70.

jahaims · Answer

You should have a life outside of just your husband. You know like hobbies and friends.

Anonymous · Answer

When he comes home sit on his lap and talk to him.

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

Try video chat if you can. Or recorded videos of each room.

Staximus · Answer

Why do you feel lonely when he's there with you? This is a problem

Iron_Man · Answer

you are gonna have to go to a marriage counselor if not, you’ll end up in divorce

dragoblack · Answer

You can't, you just keep doing stuff to keep yourself distracted

LiaRaven · Answer

Get out and meet people

Anonymous · Answer

You don't love him fully if that's how you feel. If he's doing everything a partner should do and you still feel like that, then you suck!

WhitneySnow · Answer

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel.

V1ka5h · Answer

Go out and make some friends

PeterLegg91 · Answer

Find a new hobby or invite friends round

Reem12345reem · Answer

make friends and go out?

Nerdvana · Answer

How often do you guys go on dates?

Guanfei · Answer

So. You cheated. Tell him, and leave.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Can you call him when he's working late

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Date a handsome older black cowboy.

In_Trance · Answer

You need to have better conversations with him

wkhan_87 · Answer

Make some good friends

stvigor · Answer

Taking the time to improve your self health.

BloodCursedD · Answer

Maybe you need a hobby or two?

Anonymous · Answer

Try yoga, or meditation.

exitseven · Answer

Take up needlepoint

Josef_89 · Answer

Engage in any branch of art, make friends, etc.

MasterKS · Answer

That is how frustrated wives born.

Anonymous · Answer

go to a psychologist

How do I stop feeling so lonely?

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How can I stop feeling so lonely?

How do I stop feeling so lonely?

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How can I stop feeling so lonely?

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