When someone betrays you, do you feel more angry at them... or at yourself for trusting them?

Question

Maybe_Maybe_not · Accepted Answer

I don't really experience betrayal I think, although I suppose some people could look at some events of my life and state that I have been betrayed. Or they could say that I betrayed someone. If I take into account multiple viewpoints about my life then anything becomes possible lol. But I digress.

The closest I experienced, to talk about betrayal, is when my expectations are shattered in a romantic situation. For example, my very first girlfriend, at 17, vanished entirely after 3 days of being together. She was still alive, just saying, since I saw her again, by accident, 5 years later. I did not experience it as betrayal, I experienced it as loss, I wasn't angry, I was sad, for a few days and then I wasn't sad anymore. A few months later, I was viewing this event as... The unavoidable randomness of life? Which lasted for years, maybe decades? Until I started to really make sense of people, of what they do, why they do what they do. Which includes myself.

by the way, betrayal or not betrayal? Cast your vote lol

WhiteSteve · Accepted Answer

I guess I’m fortunate in that I’ve almost never felt personally betrayed in my life. Let down by people, maybe.

In either situation, it was kind of case by case with the individual. Depends on if I should’ve seen it coming or if I just got blindsided.

I kind of make it a point to not have personal expectations of others I know. Humans are unreliable and can just switch up on you out of nowhere, so I just try to keep people at bay to a degree, and only “let them in” as much as I need them. Most of my human interactions other than a small handful of people are just superficial🤷‍♂️ I don’t like being disappointed, so I try to avoid expectations, and then I’m rarely disappointed, haha

DangerouslyCute · Accepted Answer

I've never been angry with myself if someone betrayed me... I can't predict the future... things will happen... I can learn from what happened and make better choices the next time...

I also don't feel anger... well maybe a few first days I do... but it's an automatic reaction... with time I feel sadness...

DishLady · Accepted Answer

75% Myself bc I should know better. 25% Them bc they should know better.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

As a relationship coach, my aim on Girls Ask Guys is to help folks navigate the wild world of emotions and connections. When betrayal strikes, it's a double whammy of anguish and doubt; while anger at them is expected, many also kick themselves for not spotting the red flags. Remember, love can cloud judgment, and trust is a gift, not a fault. Learn and grow, love guru! 😉

OneViewpoint · Answer

Neither really. I look at the actions and the outcomes, make a decision, and move on. I'm self aware enough to know I can put myself in a situation where someone could take advantage of me (once). And I'm not naive enough to think anyone doesn't have a little larceny in them. You can be beautiful and sweet with a hot body. That doesn't mean you can't lie your little ass off.

So I'm basically deciding whether or not to discard you. The answer is usually yes. I don't need the drama. Revenge isn't worth the effort. And the trust is gone.

But there can be extenuating circumstances. You may be weak, not evil. Stupid, not conniving.

Lliam · Answer

At them. At least initially. But there have been a few instances when, after time went by and I had given it a lot of thought, I realized that I may have been partially to blame. That has happened with close friends.

The only time I was ever betrayed by a romantic partner, and it wasn't exactly a betrayal, was with my 4th girlfriend. I was in my early 20s and got into a minor fender bender, but I hit my lower lip on the steering wheel and my upper incisors cut my lip enough to need stitches.
I came out of the doctor's with a swollen lip and the inside distended. And there were black stitches. I looked like a member of the Ubangi tribe.
I went to a friend's house where my girlfriend and others were partying. People there, including my girlfriend, saw me and laughed. I would have expected her to run to me and say "Oh my God! What happened? Are you okay?"
It felt like a betrayal and I knew I could not count on her to be a loving partner.

SotiCoto · Answer

Definitely the latter. I'm a strict individualist. I don't believe in "loyalty" to anyone but oneself, so I don't tend to hold it against others personally if they act in their own best interests, even if those interests are opposed to mine or I get harmed as a side-effect of them doing what is best for themselves.
But if it seems to me like someone's actions are focused primarily on harming me regardless of the personal cost to themselves, THAT is where I'll take up arms against them. Not as anything to do with loyalty, but because I won't simply ignore active threats to my personal interests.

lorenzomichael · Answer

I just cut them loose. There isn’t any reason to discuss why they did what they did besides we’re just going to argue over it and for me what’s the point? I’m cutting them loose for a relationship with me. Later on they’ll realize they fucked up a good friendship that could have lasted a lifetime.

Mark987 · Answer

Angry at them, because they could have easily told you before. This happened to me once with a woman I was seeing and a friendd of mine. I beat him up, but didn't resolve anything. I took her back temporarily, but the damage was done, and I broke it off.

Communicationisking · Answer

Tough question... I'd say both

When you trust someone but your gut says not to I'd be annoyed with myself for not going with my gut feelings.

When you get betrayed by someone you actually trust yeah I'd initially be pissed at them but would have to see where I went wrong and how or why they tricked me into trusting them

Anonymous · Answer

Myself. Because I learned a long time ago not to invest in other people lightly. I accept who people are on the surface (if I can't I just have nothing to do with them. But that's very few people). Point is I have thousands of acquaintances and can count the the people I call friends on one hand. Why? Because I KNOW I can trust them. I won't even consider calling you a friend unless I've known you at least a decade.

TheoreticallyGreat · Answer

I feel more hurt because trust is such a precious thing to give. Having had a litany if betrayals in my time, I can tell you that after awhile you begin to wonder if it's worth opening up your heart as often as you'd like you know?

Jay-_- · Answer

Relationship wise definitely them because when I'm Ina relationship my boundaries are very very clear, after that I'm supposed to trust them so if they betray me they can go and on top of that I'll genuinely wish them the best, just not at my table...

MemeSupreme · Answer

initially them but then i crash and beat myself up for it

glennos89 · Answer

I hate myself for not noticing earlier or give them the benefit of the doubt. But I will not tolerate it and I will learn from it

DannyUk2017 · Answer

Both.. At Them & Me! Because... at them I trusted them deeply, and at me for "investing" feelings/time...

sage2021 · Answer

It used to be them but it's me now because I've been to that rodeo too many times and should know better.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Usually neither. I cut the person out of my life, and a lesson is learned by both of us.

AydenHazor · Answer

Honestly more about at myself. I know I shouldn't, but I blame myself nearly always

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Them.. but it always helps me to behave smarter with the next person.

exitseven · Answer

okay- I may be a little annoyed at myself but I would be more angry at somebody betraying me.

Shiprex · Answer

That's a great question: I think it's myself who takes the blame when it should be the betrayer I should hold accountable.

EmmaMary · Answer

@7phoenix7  To be absolutely truthful it would have to be  Both .

jahaims · Answer

I usually feel bad for them. People that shoot themselves in the foot over and over again tend to be too stupid to know what is happening or are too mentally damaged and are trying to cope.

jshm2 · Answer

Neither. It's not something to get angry over.  You deal with them.. coldly.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

It depends on whomever it is that betrays me. For instance if a close friend or family member betrays me im mad at them cause my expectation is higher for them. But if it's someone new im mad at myself cause I should have never trusted them.

Iron_Man · Answer

At them. Everyone starts out oh, like how wonderful you are and at the end they stick it to you selfish people do it every time

nawtee_me · Answer

Since I trust everyone until I have a reason not to trust them. So how could I blame me for their betrayal?

placid_storm · Answer

You can't place your emotions on other people. Just because someone hurt you, does not mean they have the right to control your emotions. Look forward to your future happiness.

qwerty2469 · Answer

Silly. I dont feel anything. What they eat dont make me shit and a snake gonna act like a snake. If you got fooled thats on you.

Anonymous · Answer

Myself should never fully let your guard down life taught me that

CubaPirate · Answer

Both equally but I'm just guessing because I'm not aware that it's ever happened to me fortunately

Lilly1979 · Answer

Both but mostly at them cause I like to see the good in people.

lostghost · Answer

Both... May be more sad and broken than any of this 2 options

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

I trust very few humans, so the likelihood I’d be betrayed would be pretty slim. If I was betrayed, prepare for war.

Panthero80 · Answer

At them. They were the ones who acted innapropriately.

Professor-college · Answer

The last time it happened to me I was just angry in general

Anonymous · Answer

"Fool me once, shame on YOU. Fool me twice, shame on ME"

Staximus · Answer

Both, I have plenty of anger to go around.

thegreenyogi · Answer

Angry at myself for trusting.

serious · Answer

Of course at myself for trusting them

WhitneySnow · Answer

At them. I don’t usually get mad at myself.

beenherebefore · Answer

At them obviously.

Anonymous · Answer

Definitely both, I know how you feel :(

TheLovelyWoman · Answer

Myself for being stupid.

WonderingManII · Answer

more angry at them.

Demi89 · Answer

Me especially if I know they aren’t to be trusted.

XXblack88 · Answer

usually both

Anonymous · Answer

I guess both Hate in every direction

Jennz6 · Answer

Both

dudeinohio · Answer

Them

clampfan101 · Answer

Myself

dragoblack · Answer

Both

Malwi93 · Answer

Def at myself

When someone betrays you, do you feel more angry at them... or at yourself for trusting them?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

When someone betrays you, do you feel more angry at them... or at yourself for trusting them?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.