What would it be like if people stop being infatuated and love their partners for who the really are?

[Anonymous]

If everyone stop having crushes and stop loving an idealized version of their partners; a fantasy where you initially view them as perfect and think loving them is spending all the time in bed together... and instead focus on actually loving them for what they really are with their flaws, for being imperfect how would things be?

Basically, if there was no infatuation period... which can be toxic too. All this love is blind is because they're initially infatuated and that's not real love.

[Anonymous]

After all this time and after all the ups and downs, I'm still infatuated with him. I think losing the infatuation is when you have truly lost the love for that person. It should never go away if you really love them and are in love with them.

[Asker]

Actually real love is when the initial infatuation period is gone but you still accept and love them even with their flaws. If you can still be with them and love them after seeing their real selves (and not your fantasy) then that's love.

[Asker]

If you need to be infatuated to love them then you never really love them.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

This is just an idealization of aromanticism, and I can only imagine that’s because you had a bad break up recently.

[Asker]

After two relationships ending badly (the latest ended like 6 months ago), I decided to do a better vetting process.
Is infatuation really needed if it turns out that's not who they really were and the relationship ends or becomes toxic once you get to really see the real them?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Infatuation is part of romantic love. If you don’t want infatuation, you will not have romantic love at all

[Asker]

I would want mature love, bonding with them and accepting them for who they are, not who I imagine being with.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

That’s still romantic love and infatuation is still part of that. Any other form of love is platonic. If that’s what you want, you can find it in a friend rather than a lover.

[DonaldDarko]

Or if we were able to just stop doing it at all and have no sexual drives to screw up our lives and waste our time. If only we could develop the technology to reproduce by mechanical means.

[Asker]

Or simply think about being with someone that had common goals instead of just being with someone out of attraction and feelings. What if you discover later on in the relationship or marriage that they're toxic people or you got absolutely nothing in common, that you were in love (infatuated and lusting) with a fantasy? Isn't that also a waste of time in the end?

[Asker]

Ideally it should have all: attraction, common goals, like-minded values and feelings... but people only focus on just feelings without even knowing who exactly they're dating.

[DonaldDarko]

It will always be like that because that's how it evolved. It's not about thinking really. It's a very primoradial instinct. Also, given it's about species survival, the individual can be expendable. Just as long as the offspring survive and reproduce themselves.

[Asker]

It sucks how you have to be lusting over someone and feeling the need to be in the clouds... all that just to reproduce.
But nowadays, if it's just to have kids and the person turns out to be toxic or if you got common goals with that person and you're no longer in the infatuation and romantic stage where everything seems perfect (that then leads to arguments), then you would be raising your kids in a broken, unstable household.

[DonaldDarko]

This is what happens half the time it seems. It's almost like a sickness but as long as offspring are born and they survive, nature has no capacity to care. Nature only goes as far as it has to, water flows down hill after all.

[jahaims]

Healthy relationships exist. You are talking like they are a unicorn

[Asker]

I'm sure they exist but sadly very few people seek that.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the sweet blinding fog of infatuation! 🌫️ If we bypassed that and straight-up loved people for their authentic selves, relationships would be deeper and more meaningful. There’d be less idolizing and more embracing of quirks and flaws. The initial thrill might be replaced by a genuine appreciation for who your partner truly is. Real love is like a cozy sweater, slightly imperfect but warm and delightful. ❤️ People might avoid surprises that come from peeling off those infatuation goggles and could achieve long-lasting connections by appreciating the unvarnished real.

[jazzy34]

Infatuation is usually the first step in liking someone. To be in love with someone, you have to know them, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and STILL choosing to love them.

[Asker]

But we can skip that too if that's getting in the way of our vetting process or the relationship would become toxic once you see the real them and not your fantasy. Fantasizing isn't loving them.

[jazzy34]

Sorry. Humans aren't robots. Feelings happen. Also, jumping from acquaintance to being in love is VERY rare.

[Asker]

That's the problem: getting into a relationship or marrying just out of attraction and feelings without even knowing if they actually have compatible goals, if you guys are even like-minded.
What if you're deeply infatuated but realized they're toxic people or you got no valid common goals at

[jazzy34]

You can get to know someone with a clear head, but if feelings develop, you can’t stop them is what I’m saying,